I mean

seriously, besides giving me hell, a strong penchant for bullshit, talking to my friends and family, and a few boob shots here and there, just what the fuck have you shown me?

Nothin'.

You walking down whatever isle to Tom Petty.

My name you know where looking like you know what.

Anything else?

Fucking stupid lil girl nonsense at this point.

One's

Blah blah blah...

Clit ring...

Blah blah balh...

Like I said, you fucking bore me...

Bahahahahahahahahaha

Most

men wouldn't have used "bore" in the proper context.

Either that or they would have used the wrong word altogether.

Either way?

You're a blessed woman.

So just be glad I didn't loose the number or ever give up like everyone, I mean everyone, around me was telling me to do.

I knew better.

I saw that look in your eyes coming down the steps.

I knew what you wanted.

So come get ya some...

like...

forever.

Go to

bed.

You fucking bore me.

Bahahahahahahahahaha

Drews Honeypot

you know where.

Watsamatter?

Met your match there Dingleberry?

You aint seen shit.

Most

guys wouldn't even know where to start with a woman like you.

Does that sound like me?

Is that who you thought I was?

Is that how I have ever been with you?

I knew what I wanted______________________.

I figure you're pretty good at filling in the blanks by now.

I told Nicholas a long time ago:

"When you know you want to be with someone let it be known. 

Upfront. 

Immediately.

Do not pussyfoot around and be all "Golly gee whiz" about it.

See what you want?

Go for it.

No hesitation. 

Lets them know right up front where you expect things to go and what you want from them.

Eliminate the friend zone yourself.

Immediately.

If they shoot you down?

So what.

Pretty women are a dime a dozen.

See loads of them walking down the street everyday.

An honest, hard working man? 

With Character? 

Integrity? 

Balls? 

Not afraid to go for what he wants?

Confident?

Now that my friend is a catch."

Think I don't know?

Woman please...

To many boys in your life in the past seems like to me...

Wat?

Boob pics supposed to be doing it for me now?

I got screenshots from around my birthday showing me more than that.

Like I said...

Bring it...

Chickenshit...

Bring it...chickenshit.

"Whats you major malfunction numbnuts?"

Bahahahahahahahaha

:-)

Send me

something in private there lil Miss ahsleynicoleashes.

Like my name.

In Ink.

You know where.

Then maybe I'll be impressed.

Maybe.

If your lucky.

Probably not.

All this stuff that everybody else can see?

Don't mean shit to me.

Bahahahahahahaha

Some threes...

nice...

Proverbs 16:9

Proverbs 16:9

Yeah

you are.

Knew it...

Well hell, you know when already...

:-)

"for days on end...

Promise."

Anything

else just aint gonna cut it.

"Like some ink on that finger and oh...some other place...

now that would be showing a brotherman something..."

I always wondered how to get the marriage license without seeing each other and then have the wedding.

The fact is and I think I had brought this up before, but the wedding is for the people we want there and the actual marriage can be done by any justice of the peace, magistrate, county judge executive the

next day, next week, whenever...

can't believe I forgot that lol...

It's

true.

I don't ask for anything for me when I pray.

Nothing.

Ever.

Well, character, integrity, honor, loyalty, dedication, devotion, wisdom, strength, courage...I ask for those things for myself, ask to be used by him...

"Doing what I can for him to have as happy a life as possible.

Having you as my wife.

It's all that matters to me.

Its all I ask for.

I do not desire nor do I need anything else."

I've always been taken care of.

Had food.

Clothes.

A warm bed to sleep in.

I ask that others get their needs met.

Not mine.

I mean if good things come to my life?

Well then great.

Good for me\us.

If not?

Well lets just spend as much time together as possible and ride bikes like we stole 'em, and fish and hike and swim and picnic and on and on and on cause all I want to do is spend every last second I can with you.

Cause you know, that would be just so horrible to live that way.

James posted something the other day about giving to charity.

He gives more than I do.

I give more time, thought, prayer.

He gives cash.

Anyway, I though, well what would you do if there was a sudden "windfall" in your life?

What would you do with it?

The answer came pretty quick.

Do what you've always done.

Help those around you.

Charity starts at home.

Maybe they go on and help someone, then they help someone and on and on etc.

I mean, are there things I would like for the bike?

Sure.

Does the truck engine need some work?

Sure.

If I never get around to these things is it going to be the end of the world?

No.

It won't be.

More important things in life.

Just like my Aunt Connie says "I figure we will just keep on gettin along just like we always have", 

I just want every second I can have with you...

I can't even imagine just riding together.

It literally blows my mind.

Let alone anything else we may manage to be able to do together.

Love you Lucy.

Yea!

some twos and a three!

Told you it don't take much to make me happy sweetie.

You can

start 1+ing post again you know?

Lol...

Like you will.

I already know better.

Just wanted to see that dress again Virgie.

Thats all.

What do I ever ask for?

What do I ever ask anybody for?

Bare minimum of what I may need.

Some peace, quiet...some daddy time...thats about it.

Just...

wanted...

to see...

that dress again...

if it's even yours lol...

You know, wether it's work, relationships, whatever, you can only push people so far before they finally snap...

it's just the way it is...

Love you.

Heart mind body and soul...

always...

Yeah

I am lol.

Don't ever forget it.

You too lol.

:-)

Do

 you want me to rant and rave and freak out?

Haven't I done that enough for you already lol?

Come on girl, give a guy a break.

You put me through hell and I am still standin'.

It ought to say something...

1+...?

Last 200 post?

OMG.

Whatever could be going on here?

Deuteronomy 31:8

Deuteronomy 31:8

I'm sorry

I apologize.

I haven't been me.

Letting others control my happiness is not my style.

It's all because I just don't know.

Oh I have an idea alright lol.

I just don't know definitively.

It sends me over the edge sometimes.

I shouldn't let it.

But I do.

So again, Im sorry.

I hope you understand.

I said nobody listens, nobody understands.

That was wrong.

Big man gets it.

Told me, "I put this together for both of you, relax."

I said okay :-).

Perspective.

It's just work.

It's just a job.

It's not like we live in Gaza.

Love you so much Virgie.

Just want my wife sweetheart,

I guess

you're worth it lol.

I guess.

Maybe.

Bahahahahahahahahah

Night

Love you.

Just a lil much to deal with between not knowing about you and this nonsense here at work.

You

are so going to get it.

Go to bed.

I made it this far.

I love you.

I just want my wife.

I told you the longer it went, the more frustrated I would become.

I told you that a while back.

On several occasions.

I know me.

I wasn't kidding.

Night sweetie.

Sweet dreams.

I'm sorry

sweetie but I just can't work like this and not know for certain what's about to happen.

It's unbearable here.

For Tony, for me, for Micah, lots of us.

We've had enough.

It's just stupid.

I wouldn't

do it to you.

I really wouldn't.

I'd call.

I'd say come on.

Enough already.

Been through enough.

Time to start our life.

Come on.

That's exactly what I would do.

I

don't wanna look at screenshots any more.

I wanna see you.

Walking down whatever isle to Tom Petty.

Thats it.

Thats all I want.

That and Nicholas happy.

Why?

Why do this to someone you love?

Why watch them suffer?

That how you gonna be when we are together?

I couldn't do it to you.

I wouldn't do it to you.

It would hurt me too much to watch.

Micah

just walked in the room.

"I am studying my way the fuck up out of here."

First thing he said after he said hello.

Guys like him and Tony wanna get?

Why you think I feel like I do?

I wanna go both middle fingers blazin...

"FUCK YOU PEOPLE!..."

I don't owe nobody nuthin here and thats exactly the amount of respect they will get back from me when I go...

The amount they showed me during my tenure here...

None...

Give none?

Get none.

Simple.

Easy.

Wait till two or three of four people bolt...

Idiots.

And all for what?

Nothin'...

Love you, just can't take it much longer...

Had enough.

Gonna snap...

Isn't it?

James 4:14

James 4:14

Promise...

Don't

ever forget, well, you're not going to be able to cause I am not going to let you lol:

It was you that came back to the NOC for a second look.

It was you, that was busted in the parking garage.

Not just once mind you, but multiple occasions.

It was you, that parked your car on the third floor after I had ignored you.

It was you, that was crying the last time I heard your voice.

It was you that always just seemed to pop up where ever I was going to be.

"I"M NOT INTERESTED!"

I was like, uh-huh, sure your not...

Psalm 46:5

Psalm 46:5

Yep...

I'm

gonna cry more than a grown man should and I really just don't care...

I just hope I don't pass the fuck out lol...

Johnny bad ass m*&%$# f^@#%$ biker passes out, wouldn't that be something?

Love you

"...This is so not gonna fly around here...

Uh-huh...

we will see about that..."

Love you Virgie.

One's...

Ornery Ass...

Could you at least help a brother out a lil?

So

we doin this or wat?

Hunter S. Thompson

“Sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whiskey and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested.”

Sounds like a plan...

Terence McKenna

"We have to create culture, don't watch TV, don't read magazines, don't even listen to NPR. Create your own roadshow. The nexus of space and time where you are now is the most immediate sector of your universe, and if you're worrying about Michael Jackson or Bill Clinton or somebody else, then you are disempowered, you're giving it all away to icons, icons which are maintained by an electronic media so that you want to dress like X or have lips like Y. This is shit-brained, this kind of thinking. That is all cultural diversion, and what is real is you and your friends and your associations, your highs, your orgasms, your hopes, your plans, your fears. And we are told 'no', we're unimportant, we're peripheral. 'Get a degree, get a job, get a this, get a that.' And then you're a player, you don't want to even play in that game. You want to reclaim your mind and get it out of the hands of the cultural engineers who want to turn you into a half-baked moron consuming all this trash that's being manufactured out of the bones of a dying world.”

"Storm A 'Comin'"

there's a storm a 'comin'

i can feel it in my veins

blood a pumpin'

rushin' to my

brain

there's a storm a brewin'

electricity is in the air

buzzin' 'round crazy 

my skin a tinglin' 

everywhere

she's a 'comin'

as sure as

a runaway train

on a steep downhill glide

she's a 'comin'

no two ways about it

a rollin' thunder

crashin' lightnin'

earth a rumblin'

and one heck-uv-a light show

there's a storm a 'comin'

stretchin' 'cross the horizon

big as texas doesn't matter

where you run where you hide

she's a 'comin'

and you're in her sights

Michael Traveler

Same

old chaotic bullshit nonsense over here.

Over it, just over it Lucy.

RUMI

The soul has been given its own ears to hear things the mind does not understand.

Bob

"We refuse to be what you wanted us to be. We are what we are."

So

should I shave for you or not lol?

Should I

shave my balls Friday when I wake up?

Or Sat AM.?

Just tryin to be considerate sweetie.

Gotta get.

Love you.

Yeah...

Mornin beautiful

9 hours sleep!

Yea me!

Gotta get here in a bit.

Love you.

Thx

for the picture of the dress...

:-)

Love you.

Night.

Everybody,

I mean everybody just kept telling me I was crazy.

Mom even said, "That will never work" talking about how I was going to pursue you.

I knew better.

I just kept telling them they had it all backwards and that the truth was I would have to be crazy not to pursue a life together with you with how things were laid out in front of me piece by piece.

After so many times of telling people and seeing them just roll their eyes or shake their heads you just quit telling them about it.

Then out of the blue one day a while back I could just tell, the people closest to me all the sudden were receptive to things.

People not so close became more withdrawn, cold, unreceptive.

Wat a ride...

I wish everybody knew such a love...

I really do.

Have been...

"I am ready right now, this very moment to start the next phase of my life...

With the baddest bitch on the planet."

since you know when...

Yep...

"Far Away Places"

Far away places call to me

Far away dreams seem real to me

Though I cannot go there or touch them,

I can feel their rushing waters

Flowing through me

Becoming a part of me

Beckoning ...

Michael Traveler

Psalm 107:9

Psalm 107:9

Truth...

Most

of the time anyway lol...

Yep...

"Down Through the Years"

my dreams are simple enough

i reckon i don't need much

just my loved ones near

and the feel of your touch

these are the things

that down through the years

i've come to hold more and more dear

it's become so very clear

when the last curtain falls

in those final waning hours

as i look back through the years

it's the little things i've found

that really matter most

 Michael Traveler

RUMI

At night, I open the window

and ask the moon to come

and press its face against mine.

Breathe into me.

Close the language-door

and open the love-window.

The moon won't use the door,

only the window.

Think about it for a minute...

Starting off

with a three?

Thx...

Dress plz...

Love you.

Morning

Sunshine...

Dress please...

slept 14 hours...

still tired...

Love you...

ttys...

Love you...

Night...

Exhausted...

Dress...

Dress...

Ornery ass...

Morning...

Love you.

I no longer want to live where I live

nor work where I work.

Dangerous place to be.

Been here a time or two.

Not very enjoyable.

Matter of time before I crack.

Say something to somebody I shouldn't.

Just absolutely do not give a fuck.

Begging, absolutely begging for somebody to want to talk to me.

Tony wasn't there 45 minutes and said "This gotta change, aint no way we can keep this up,"

45 minutes.

Think about that.

We had 36 hours of it.

Tony's comment was during normal business operations.

We had patch, down times and a shit pot of  SMC testing during patch and a shit ton of SMC maintenance 

Now you keep track of all that and tag 10,000 + alerts with every right ticket number and answer the phone every five minutes from SMC and update tickets blah blah blah...I could go on for days but whats the point?

These are the same people who think your nuts to want a raise.

Fuck em.

Chad and I worked more in 36 hours than some of these guys will work in three to four months.

It's the truth.

"Spent" is how Chad and I decided to call it.

Got to 4 AM and a whole "blob" of alerts as Micha calls them came in and I threw down my shit and said 

"That's it!" and we both just sat there and laughed for about 30 minutes.

Countin on Tony the Calvary to bail us out with his batch of enthusiasm.

He delivered.

"Whats that?" he said when he first looked at the board.

We just laughed...

I mean there was just no fucking way any more to sustain that pace.

That's why everything was being posted here in flurries.

I never knew when the next "Blob" was going to hit.

and here you are figuring...well now is a good time to test this guy, now that I done bought a dress and everything...geez woman...

Open SMC tickets for 100 errors in a 24 hour period?

They just never stop.

Open a ticket, monitor 12-24 hours. 

Stays clean.

Close ticket.

Few hours later it alerts again.

Open SMC ticket.

Monitor.

Runs clean.

2nd verse same as the first.

It's not accomplishing anything and everybody knows it, is the problem.

To many open tickets to search through and the new systems capabilities suck.

Takes a minute.

Then get in router and copy router logs.

Then clear counters.

Then SMC ticket opening via the web.

Oh here's a failed HDD there's an HP ticket.

Oh here's some idiot from production control calling about something you have absolutely nothing to do with.

Oh there's a critical alert, page NT who never has a cell phone and is Russian and you can't understand a word he says.

(The other night his partner said to e-mail him...during patch...Dear Mr. Hot Shot Russian NT guy.

"IT'S FUCKING PATCH!, the exchange landscape is being rebooted. That means no e-mail you fucking genius!)

I mean seriously could you even make this shit up?

You think I aint gonna blow my top soon?

How could you not?

The pace is unsustainable.

Dress.

Once again please.

Then I could chill for a while...

Maybe.

Love you.

Night.

Night

dingleberry.

I know you're tired.

Love you.

"Smile

idiot, I love you." somebody once said.

And in

the: "It aint bragin if you can back it up category we have":

So

"Send me a pic or something"

why don't ya?

Chickenshit lil girl...

Judgin

by your pics I'd say you kinda get the idea anyway.

Or

this guy.

Love that HD bracelet.

I

wanna be this guy.

Seriously.

This is who I want to be someday.

Can

you tell?

You want

some more dirty talk in Skype?

Give me a reason to give it to you then.

Funny how I

throw an ever-livin shit fit and ashleynicoleashes post a sexy picture of herself and a firepit with two rocking chairs by it.  

What ever could be going on?

And where is that dress anyway?

Peak Brothers BBQ

From a visit in 2006?

Best chipped mutton and smoked ham ever.

Letter was from LBJ.

I knew I had it somewhere.

Review from a book on BBQ.

You can tell it's the older building (the one that burned down) as it sits closer to the sign.

"Hey

Kenny?"

"Yeah...watsup brotha?"

"You're gonna have to get someone to cover for me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah...not just for Monday, for good. for ever."

Crickets...

Click...

Just like dat...

Simple...

Easy...

If he calls back?

I wouldn't answer it...ever

Don't treat people with respect?

Don't expect any back...

Ever.

That

should have been your clue who I was.

"Who is this guy?"

Your future husband.

At that point I knew you were seriously interested regardless of what you might have said earlier.

Just couldn't get me out of your mind could ya sweetie?

It's

all about respect Lucy.

Weather it's you, work, Nicholas, in any relationship, it's all about respect.

I just get tired of giving it and not getting any back.

I told Chad I will not be here the next time for patch if all this crap with SMC is going on.

I don't say shit I don't mean.

I say what I mean and do what I say.

Period.

Chad knows I mean it.

I will call in if there is a next time.

Watch me.

you are not just drawn that way, you're bad lol.

and what good does that fire pit with two chairs do you if you're not enjoying it with who want to be enjoying it with?

Think about it.

Under my thumb

Under my thumb

The girl who once had me down

Under my thumb

The girl who once pushed me around

It's down to me

The difference in the clothes she wears

Down to me, the change has come,

She's under my thumb

Ain't it the truth babe?

Under my thumb

The squirmin' dog who's just had her day

Under my thumb

A girl who has just changed her ways

It's down to me, yes it is

The way she does just what she's told

Down to me, the change has come

She's under my thumb

And yes...

I got moves like Jagger, like you aint never seen.

Wats

a matter?

Can't keep up?

Some real woman you are.

Bahahahahahahahaha

He

turned 71 yesterday.

When I was younger I wanted to be him.

As I got older I wished I was Keef.

lol.

Don't really know what that means but it's true :-).

Mom

is proud these days.

It shows.

She likes watching me ride off on the bike when I leave her house some days.

You can almost sense she can't believe that I am her son.

That by God's grace my life has been transformed over the last four years or so.

It makes a boy feel good to know his mom is proud of the man he has become Lucy.

Means a lot.

Nobody needs to say anything.

It just shows through.

Love you Virgie.

Exactly...

Always...

Like

the third time he walks her to her car?

Absolutely not!

Bahahahahahahaha

Yeah

I do.

Deal wit it.

It's called being a man.

Bahahahahahahahaha

For

over two years now.

Can you tell?

Tryin' to...

now if somebody would just cooperate...

Oh

I do...every last lil bit of you...

Three's

and fives and sixes?

Wow...

Glad to have finally made some progress...

lol...

RUMI

Although the road is never ending

take a step and keep walking,

do not look fearfully into the distance...

On this path let the heart be your guide

for the body is hesitant and full of fear.

Always...

Chad

just cleaned up the Queue.

40 SMC tickets in dip shits name.

The guy

that kept all the SMC tickets in the OPS queue?

He has 32 SMC tickets in his queue waiting for him on Monday AM.

Everyone who worked this weekend put all SMC tickets that were created in his name.

All four of us did.

Think he will get the point?

All he had to do was keep his mouth shut.

Tired of working with and for buffoons Lucy. 

RUMI

Laugh as much as you breathe

and love as long as you live.

Morning

sunshine.

Love you.

Headin in.

You

know I'm at Janet's Dingleberry...

lil Girl bullshit is right...

Somehow?

I don't ever see it stopin, nor do I really want it to at this point...

Love You.

Night.

Exactly...

"...Just like a woman..."

I give...

no more peace of mind for me ever lol...

Hangin out.

Waiting for the rain to pass...

Gotta get

as soon as James gets here.

Probably get rained on.

Love you.

Three's!

Yippie!

Rabia Al Adawiyya

She prayed: "O God! If I worship You for fear of Hell, burn me in Hell,

and if I worship You in hope of Paradise, exclude me from Paradise. 

But if I worship You for Your Own sake, 

grudge me not Your everlasting Beauty.”

Love it.

My

name on her...

show me something...

RUMI

My heart is burning with love

All can see this flame

My heart is pulsing with passion

like waves on an ocean

My friends have become strangers

and I’m surrounded by enemies

But I am free as the wind

no longer hurt by those who reproach me

Well

lets go see them then.

Oct 1st in Cincy...

Go

to bed Lucy.

I can tell you are tired.

Night,

Love you.

Always...

Two's now...

how nice...

"Don't Give Up . . . Don't Ever Give Up."

Guy was dying of Cancer.

Died eight weeks later.

Won the 1983 NCAA Mens Basketball Tournament overcoming long odds against heavily favored Houston.

"To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special."

During his speech the teleprompter stated that he had 30 seconds left, to which Valvano responded, "They got that screen up there flashing 30 seconds, like I care about that screen. I got tumors all over my body and I'm worried about some guy in the back going 30 seconds."

Fucking priceless.

Ones...

whatever...

Ornery I tell ya...

Like nuthin' I aint never seen...

Bad storms headin toward home.

Tryin to get it through to Nicholas he needs to be in his extra bedroom downstairs (at a minimum, if not in the basement) when they hit.

Deep red.

Heading straight toward home.

Winds.

Hail.

Told him to call.

Showed your dress to the lady at LaBamba today.

Her jaw just dropped.

Constance loved it as well.

If it does that to a woman?

Imagine what it does to me :-).

Just wanna tell the world.

Tired of waiting.

Love you Virgie.

Oct 1st

Cincinnati OH.

Words for my wordsmith...

Been a while...

He could've tuned in, tuned in

But he tuned out

A bad time, nothing could save him

Alone in a corridor, waiting, locked out

He got up outta there, ran for hundreds of miles

He made it to the ocean, had a smoke in a tree

The wind rose up, set him down on his knee

A wave came crashing like a fist to the jaw

Delivered him wings, "Hey, look at me now"

Arms wide open with the sea as his floor

Oh, power, oh

He's.. flying

Whole

High.. wide, oh

He floated back down 'cause he wanted to share

His key to the locks on the chains he saw everywhere

But first he was stripped and then he was stabbed

By faceless men, well, fuckers

He still stands

And he still gives his love, he just gives it away

The love he receives is the love that is saved

And sometimes is seen a strange spot in the sky

A human being that was given to fly

High.. flying

Oh, oh

High.. flying

Oh, oh

He's flying

Oh, oh

420 views...

can we hold it there for today?

Special number in my heart ;-).

Isaiah 64:4

Isaiah 64:4

Proverbs 18:10

Proverbs 18:10

Rabia Al Adawiyya

May God steal from you All that steals you from Him.

Rabia Al Adawiyya

RUMI

Whenever sorrow comes,

be kind to it.

For God has placed a pearl in sorrow's hand.

Heading out...

Love you.

You ever gonna be my wife dingleberry?

Still up?

Damn...

Thought you would be long gone by now.

Love you sweetheart.