'The Portal"

"I knew a girl

her name was truth

she was

A horrible liar...

When you have everything

you have everything to loose...

Make sure

the fortune 

that you seek

is the fortune 

that you need..."

The plan was to go to to Janet's and sleep instead of coming back home. Didn't really wanna drive 90 minutes, work a 12 hour midnight shift and then turn around and drive 90 more minutes home. Talked to Janet, ask her if I could sleep there and then head back home in the afternoon. She is good to me like that. Was looking forward to it lol. Sleep better up there lots of times. Six -seven straight hours of sleep sounded great :-).

7:30 AM, I go to sleep. Phone rings bout an hour later. School. One call. I saw the number and thought? "They canceled school? Today? Whatever?, figures." and went on back to sleep. Hour later phone rings again. This is twice in a couple hours now, with minimal sleep. I thought "Couldn't they have told me about the cancelled basketball game when they called earlier?" I listen to the voice mail this time. Bomb threat. Everybody is safe. There has been an arrest. Keep in mind his issues with his mom. Keep in mind what he said about the more enlightened he had become the more he hated it here. I though "Surely not, he's smarter than that, we got things going in our direction, to much to loose at this point." But you never know. People snap. Part of being a parent is always fearing the worst and you just never know sometimes till you know. Everybody is safe and accounted for, try to lay back down. Yeah, that works. NOT! Bout an hour later Carol calls (attorney). I was like "Did that lil shit need a lawyer?" Keep in mind I had about four hours sleep and had been woke up every hour or so with phone calls. Mom was right. Should have just came back home, would have got more rest. Just seems like a bad dream at this point. I don't have to be at court Tuesday. Turns out the threat of a felony was enough to convince Joanna to sign over her rights, let me claim him on taxes for last year and her pay the medical bill she incurred. Talked to Mindy "Carol says it's not the end, it's the beginning of the end, don't worry about it, she's got your back." Her, her attorney, Nicholas, Nicholas court appointed attorney, me, my attorney and the county attorney are not enough, now we gotta all convince a judge. Carols smart to keep me away Tuesday. I'd give him a piece of my mind and wouldn't care about the consequences at this point. This woman terrorized us for ten years, me, him, my family. Like I said, Carol's sharp as a tack. Everybody likes her lol. So anyway, I quit fighting it, get up and go visit with Janet and Hubert tell them whats up. Read email from principal, said they had found a note in the boys bathroom. I was relieved. Thought "Well, that's not him, he would have sent a self-destructing e-mail or something but no note, he's not that stupid lol. Head back home.Go to get him after school he ain't there lol. He already got a ride home. He goes with me to the store. Tells me all about his day. I tell him about mine. I don't think either one of us will forget it anytime soon lol. I just tend to smile and roll with the punches Lucy. What else can I do lol? Our lives lol. I got 49 years worth of this kinda shit stored up in me.

My fairytale ending, Lil Miss Thang, is me texting you at three in the AM someday and tell you "Tell me to leave right now, I dare you, see what happens" and you text me back the address and say come get me big guy and I log out of the phone, shut all my shit down, stand up give Chad a big firm handshake, maybe even a hug and say "Dude, I don't know if you'll ever see me again but I love ya like a brother sir." and be out the fucking door. Chad leaves at five, he understands whats at stake. He can and would gladly cover for two hours.  No questions, no need to think, no worries, all that's been done, just gone, just like that. That's my fairytale. I love the looks in Chad's, Mindy's, Tony's, Dave's and Nicholas eyes when I tell them. They know I wouldn't be saying it for this long if I didn't mean it. I'm just doing what comes natural what I think I should be doing and what I have prayed about. But that gleam in these peoples eyes is telling me they see a light that they don't see very often. It's obvious. People need to know that a love like this exist, that it's real.

Tony. I love him so much. So encouraging. "Just go, don't take but a few boxes when you do, get new stuff if you need it, sometimes it's the best way to have a a new beginning." He's done it in the past as well so it carries weight. I agree with him. "Where did he go?" "He been telling you fucking morons for two fucking years and now one day he's just gone you're gonna be shocked?". Shouldn't be. Epic. Legend. No need to say good byes, except to a few close family and friends. Not not sayin good-bye you said your goodbye. Sounds great. I love my hour with Tony lol. Told him how I just couldn't take it anymore. Home not home. Not where I wanna be no more. That when I come home in the AM's I stop by Bill's, (our lil IGA in Hawesville) and that going through the doors was like entering a time warp. If he had a mouthful of coffee he would have spit it out lol. "I never thought about it, I guess so." "Tony, I love the quiet and the solitude and the peacefulness but I just can't take this antiquated mindset anymore. Seriously there is like this big plastic elastic bubble at the door to Bill's and it elongates till it finally bust when I am walking in and I'm on the other side, it's like a portal. "He was just rolling. (So did Dave when I told him later lol). "It finally pops and I get to the other side and I'm like "Oh, steel toes and camo how original, how you doin? Goin' hunting or fishing after work? Nice." If that's how people wanna be that's fine, that's their life but it's just not us, can't do it with a straight face any more been doin' it 12 years. I told Dave "Dude, think about it, I leave a class three Data Center and 90 minutes later I'm in Bill's". He bout busted a gut, "I never thought about it, I guess so." "It's a portal." He just laughed. He's not from here either, his wife is. He said they have talked about leaving after the kids are gone. I don't see Laura ever doin' it, but she has moved away in the past and her sisters and mom drive her nuts. Anyway, it's not just me that feels this way. Like I said anybody else ever moved here? They all mostly left as well. Now I see why. Raise your kids and bolt. Check. I'll get some pics of Bill's for you. AKA 'The Portal".

Got home about 5 from Mom's and Dave's. Cooked pizzas. Laid down till bout 8. Did laundry, wrote this just had a relaxing night etc...

"...I'm a rebel, soul rebel
I'm a capturer, soul adventurer

... I'm a rebel, let them talk,
Soul rebel, talk won't bother me
I'm a capturer, that's what they say
Soul adventurer, night and day
I'm a rebel, soul rebel
Do you hear them lippy
I'm a capturer, gossip around the corner
Soul adventurer. How they adventure on me..."

Love you.

Peace.