Sittin

around with Christian and everybody the other day and its all about "Remember when?"

I don't wanna "Remember when", I'd rather "look forward to."

I mean doesn't that sound like a better option?

Lots of people, the best years of their lives were their late teens early twenties.

I want my best years to be the ones coming up that were gonna share together.

Know what I want.

Where I want to live.

How I want to be.

What my role is.

How I want to dress...

How I wanna spend my free time

and who I wanna be with.

You think somebody in their late teens early twenties knows all that?

No they don't.

Plenty of people spend their whole lives going around in circles and never getting to this point.

I come to Kindred and I just see the looks on these peoples faces walking out the door when I am walking in and the stress\misery is just overwhelming.

I mean seriously, I can see it, I can literally feel it when I hit the door.

"All the little ants are marching..."

Blessed...just blessed to be able to "feel" and "know", that this is our path, "this is the road I have chosen for you both...take it..."

Okay...

Check.

Next.

I mean, I understand wanting to enjoy a couple of beers with friends, maybe indulge in a sponge bob episode or two.

But with four kids running around?

15 months to 10 years old?

All the whining and crying and fussing and adults getting on them?

Is that really an enjoyable experience?

Not for me it wasn't.

Past all that.

I like seeing the kids.

I really do.

For about an hour or two.

See them play together

Then I've had enough.

I mean I'm like , "Why am I here?

I'd rather have the peace and quiet of my place instead of this."

I just can't enjoy a few beers and other party favors with a bunch of rug rats running around.

Exactly what I am trying to move away from.

People my age flipping out about "empty-nest" and such.

I'm like, bring it, he, and we, will be fine.

(First day of school is tomorrow, kind of a big day, been able to be with him most all of them, wish we could have spent today together before he starts tomorrow :-(. Oh well, that's life get used to it)

I mean It's like they don't wanna change who they are.

Even though they have grown older and have kids.

They still wanna be like they are in their late teens/early twenties.

They're not.

They front end loaded all the good times and now they are wondering:

 "Is this it?

This is all my life is?

When will we be able to______________?"

Well?

Maybe you should have thought about that and had a lil better plan there Killroy.

I love them.

I do.

A part of me always will.

They are like brothers and sisters.

But I am not who I was and it is long since past time to move on.

In my mind?

I did a long time ago...

I think you know when.

Love you.

"Ants Marching"

He wakes up in the morning
Does his teeth bite to eat and he's rolling
Never changes a thing
The week ends the week begins
She thinks, we look at each other
Wondering what the other is thinking
But we never say a thing
These crimes between us grow deeper

Goes to visit his mommy
She feeds him well his concerns
He forgets them
And remembers being small
Playing under the table and dreaming

Take these chances
Place them in a box until a quieter time
Lights down, you up and die

Driving in on this highway
All these cars and upon the sidewalk
People in every direction
No words exchanged
No time to exchange

And all the little ants are marching
Red and black antennas waving

They all do it the sameThey all do it the same way

Candyman tempting the thoughts of a
Sweet tooth tortured by the weight loss
Program cutting the corners
Loose end, loose end, cut, cut
On the fence, could not to offend
Cut, cut, cut, cut

Take these chances
Place them in a box until a quieter time
Lights down, you up and die

I don't wanna do it the same way.

Never have.

Never will.

It's a more difficult road than Nicholas will ever realize.

I'm just glad he is on it as well.

Peace.