Janet

Everything was fine this AM.

I was late getting to her house as both James and his partner were both late.

I really didn't mind as I wanted to go to the barber shop anyway and they don't open till 8 AM.

So I was going to hang around the NOC anyway till about 7:15.

There was nothing going on, sat here and read and listened to music.

This gives her more time to sleep, which I am sure she likes anyway.

I got to the barber shop and called her and told her I would be there in a lil bit after getting my beard trimmed.

She was in a good mood, said that was fine she would just turn the alarm off for me.

Then she said she couldn't go to lunch with me Sunday she was going to the church Christmas Dinner.

I said that's fine and left it at that.

I knew she wouldn't want to have lunch with me Sunday.

Know her like the back of my hand.

I wake up at 4 PM.

I didn't fall asleep till after 9 AM.

I'm still very groggy right now.

 I get up, get dressed get ready and go sit in the backroom with her and make small talk before leaving.

She was trying to make nice, got up and gave me a hug when I was leaving etc.

As I am putting my key in the door to leave all the sudden I hear her behind me "I guess you'll tell me whats going on tomorrow?"

I just looked at her like: "What is there to tell you?" before going on to say: "I've told you, you're welcome to be with us, I'm sleeping in Christmas Eve and we are going to the movies and making a turkey to have with Christian and his family Christmas Night. You're more than welcome."

She says, "But you're not bringing him up here?'

I said; "I can't have you two together right now. Let the dust settle. It's nothing but a big fight, it's all it's been the last few times you two have been together and I can't take it anymore."

She says; "Well you're having Christmas with your mother aren't you?" Like she wants to just invite herself right on in, no thanks. 

I said "I haven't made plans with them yet either Janet."

To which she turned around upset and walked back out of the sun room into the kitchen.

I think she was starting to tear up.

She has never mentioned what she said to him.

Nothing is ever her fault.

Perpetual victim.

I've offered for her to come be with us four times now.

I'm not offering anymore.

If he wants to be around her that's up to him.

But if I am ever around the two of them together?

I'll flat out tell both of them, "Keep your drama to yourself, I've had enough of both of you. How this goes will determine if there is ever another opportunity for us all to get together in the future.

Right now?

That's seems highly unlikely.

The balance of power in the relationship has shifted.

She knows she needs us worse than we need her.

Maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't go around holding people over a barrel like they owe you something.

Trying to weasel her way into our getting together.

Shes got nowhere else to go.

I wonder why that would be.

Couldn't have anything to do with how she acts now could it?

Almost like she knows she can't come Christmas eve or day.

Like she knows something else is going on.

Funny that and mom and Al not being around a year when I have Nicholas and neither one of them are saying where they are going.

Whatever could be up Bambi?

Round two in the AM lol.

Did I ever mention I have had enough?

Since mom and dad divorced I bet you I have not woke up in my own home, or just spent the day at my house 10 times in 39 years.

I'm a criminal for wanting to take care of me and my needs?

Na...that shit aint gonna fly.

I don't wanna go anywhere, I don't wanna do anything.

I wanna wake up in my own home, fix a big breakfast, go to the movies, make a turkey, have some dinner with some friends and have a day of peace.

It's all I really want.

People are just determined that I don't have it.

Fuck em.

Sorry.

No, strike that, I'm not sorry, these people bring this crap on themselves then they want you to feel sorry\guilty about their situation.

I'm just not having it.

Let the pieces fall where they may.

Love you Bambi.