Why?

Why all the issues with Janet?

Why all the issues with Nicholas?

Why now?

Why did Janet make the comment about having to change her will a couple of months ago?

Why tell him she didn't care if she ever saw him again?

Almost like she didn't ever expect to.

Why?

Why mom and Al going away this Christmas of all Christmas's?

They are always here when I don't have to work.

Except this year.

Why?

I was asking Christian about all this and he said: "They just want attention."

He is right.

It's exactly whats going on.

It's like they feel left out or somebody is being taken away from them or they are jealous.

Tough shit people.

Get the fuck over it.

Soon.

Cause what is best for me and my future?

It's happening.

Period.

Drama Queens.

Both of them.

About what?

Nothing.

Made up self created bull shit to get attention.

Why?

Why now?

Betcha I know why Lucy.

Trust issues due to his mother?

A year and a half later out of the blue?

That dog don't hunt.

I shouldn't have hit him with what I did this AM.

I get that.

I'm sorry about it.

Told him I was.

if I had it to do over agian?

I would handle it differently.

This is what happens when you push a man to the brink.

He will push back.

But I am sick and tired of being talked to and treated like shit by my own son.

I just won't have it.

I couldn't sleep for what was said yesterday to me.

I couldn't tell you the last time I slept good.

I was told:

"You are like mom."

He was told this morning that I most defiantly was not like his mom, that if anything, he was being like his mom.

Acting in a purposelessly shocking manner and then playing the victim when people are offended or don't take kindly to it.

He doesn't understand and granny said she has told him, that if he is gay, or transgender, or bisexual that this is the way it will always be. 

This is how some people will always react to him.

Find a way to make peace with it.

Moving away from here isn't going to change that.

"I'm doing the best I can."

"Well it's not good enough."

That one about sent me through the roof.

If my best isn't good enough?

I don't care if it's work, him, another relationship, whatever, then what is the point in me even trying?

There is no point.

It will never be good enough.

"You need to be more involved."

Says the guy that never pays a lick of attention to anything I ever say to him.

I'm sorry, you got it all figured out at 15?

Well then good luck to you.

I told him I only talk to a wall for so long and then I just quit.

If he wasn't going to listen to anything I say?

Then there is no point in me wasting my breath.

I told him he had about milked the mommy issue for about all it was worth.

That he could rise above it or let it drag him down, his choice.

Thats what set him off.

Taking away his attention getting device.

Told him no councilor, no anti-depressant, no relocating, no wealth, no material things were ever going to make him happy.

It was a choice that he had to make.

Plenty of others from worse situations have managed to overcome their situations and he could as well.

He doesn't want to overcome it.

Not right now anyway he doesn't.

He wants the sympathy and attention it brings him.

He has told me and I have told you, he uses it to manipulate people and to get them to feel sorry for him in order to get what he wants.

Thats what is coming to an end here.

Thats what I will not put up with.

He is an angel to mom and Al.

He is a lil dickhead to me anymore.

Tough.

This is why he got so mad this AM.

Be mad.

Tired of seeing him exploit and use others around him.

Funny to me as well when I suggested that he might be seeing the councilor to help him prepare for what he may be leaving behind instead of his mommy issues.

I mean seriously, be glad you don't have to deal with her anymore and move on.

Thats when he got the maddest about last PM.

Says a lot actually.

"Do you think if I knew something that was going on I wouldn't tell you?"

"Funny, thats exactly the same thing that James said to me a while back. Yes, yes I do think if you knew something was going on you wouldn't tell me because you know exactly how I/we want this to work."

These two.

At the same time.

Right now.

Creating drama and chaos.

Individually and together.

Why?

Like I don't know.

Just wanna look in those eyes.

See you in that dress.

Here you say "I do"

And know no matter what happens?

We're gonna handle it together.