You

must really really Love us to still be here with us.

It's starting to sink in finally :-).

Email to mom, got things worked out with Janet. 

One down, one to go lol

Love you.

Not much really just that she was upset with him and not me and she didn't want him to visit any more if he was going to talk to her with the tone and attitude that he had exhibited toward her. Sound familiar? I told her I could understand where she was coming from and that he does the same exact thing to me.

He acts like he can just say or do whatever to who ever and that they have no choice but to take his crap. World doesn't work like that buddy. People get sick of it just like the rednecks at Atmos got sick of your mom. He doesn't get it. I don't care if she apologies anymore (Janet). Not worth the fight. He should apologize to her as well. If they do? It's between them. If not? It's still between them. One problem child taken care of. Thank goodness. At least I don't have to worry about where to sleep. She said she was quiet and not saying anything because she didn't know how to say what she wanted to till she had a few days to think it over. I can understand that. I told her to keep in mind when I am done with her I go to work, drive 90 miles, sleep a few hours and then wake up and take it from him and that it was wearing me down. She understood.

He knows he messed up. The last people in this world he wants to alienate are you, Al, me or her. Everybody needs to stay on the same page. No more feeling sorry. Be glad he wasn't around his mom any more than he was, think about how screwed up our lives would be if I had stuck it out with her. He wants to be a man? We need to treat him like one.

Janet was going to take the car today to trade it in at Carmax. The driver side door didn't open. How strange of a coincidence is that? She couldn't take it. Asked if he still wanted it. I told her yes he did, they could talk about it when he comes up there. Funny how things work.

I didn't think you were that critical of me being a father. I just have a hard time listening to Al sometimes when I know he wasn't that involved with John. Him telling me I could do better? Well can't we all? This notion of I had a child so now my life doesn't matter and everything is all about you is a bunch of horse dung. Be glad you have nice clothes and food to eat, quit your bitching and be thankful for what you do have. Enough already with your feeling sorry for yourself and making everyone around you miserable. Plenty of people bought their first cars and put themselves through school. I don't think it killed them.

Toxic people will be removed from my life. Period. It's the only way to get through to them. If that means Nich someday then thats how it will be. It doesn't matter what the relationship is, or how long you've known someone, you have no choice but to remove them or they will do nothing but drag you down in the muck with them. Sorry, just the way it is. This notion that I had you as a child so now you get to terrorize me and cause me nothing but pain and drama the rest of my life is a bunch of garbage. If after 18 years of age you continue to exhibit behaviors like your mothers? Constantly shock people just to do so? Forever play the victim role all your life never wishing to better yourself etc? Then I will turn my back on him. I will. I promise I will. This is what he needs to understand right now. It sinks in better to him when he hears it from others. That way he knows I wasn't just me telling him, I've told others the same exact thing so I must mean business. I will do what I need to do till your of legal age, after that? His level of respect and appreciation will determine how much we have to do with one another. Thats what I mean when I say I have had enough. Single parent for 13.5 years = being a normal parent for 26 years. No wonder I am exhausted. And no Mr. Al not everyone goes through this. Not everyone has a child that goes around and says the things about himself that he does and expects there to be no repercussions. I was never this arrogant, this disrespectful, this full of myself to think I was just gonna conquer the world all on my own. He needs to fall on his face a time or two, it would be good for him in the long run and we should let him. I mean what I say. I will not have another Joanna, Shelia etc running around in my life. Ever. I just won't.

Anyway, his lil happy ass is completely different and I am telling you it's because I know his game better than anyone. I'm sorry about how I called him out on it but it needed to be done. Things had reached a tipping point with me. I will not sit by and let him manipulate others, play the victim card and blame everything in his life on what happened when he was 14 years old with his mother. Not on my watch. Hate me all you want buddy. I'm taking the appointment card to the councilor with me to Louisville. I wanna take him the next time and I wanna tell her what I see thats going on with him. These people will milk every penny out of you they can if you let them. He's not depressed. He's not upset over mommy issues. I don't know what his problem is, ( I kinda got an idea) but those aint it. I will tell him and the councilor the same thing I've told everybody already about removing toxic people from my life. I hope he gets the point at some point in time. It aint just me pushing him away. He does a pretty good job of pushing me away too. If you act like a lil jerk? Why am I gonna wanna be around you? He flat out looked you in the face and lied to you about the treadmill. If he will lie to you about that? Then what won't he lie to you about? He really needs to think about where he is going to be in a few years. You guys aren't young. Janets about had her fill. Me too.

Sorry so long. Making him come here tonight was the best decision made all day.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Love yall.