I had...

I had a long talk with Nicholas last night. I told him the only thing that never changes in this life is that...well, things change. I told him "She's coming, and I have the right to be happy for the rest of my life. You'll be gone in a few years then what? I get to sit around here by myself after Granny and Grandpa have passed on wishing you could come home for Christmas? If that's my fate, that's fine, I'll accept it. But it ain't happening from what I can see. When I was your age or a lil older me and Grandma Janet didn't really get along all that well. Every once in a while Grandpa Chuck would ask me what I thought about her (Janet). I would always tell him the same thing, because it was true, not because it was what he wanted to hear, I would tell him, 'She takes care of you, you're happy, that's all that really matters to me and besides, you're the one that has to live with her', he would just smile and we would move on to something else."

I sent Nicholas an e-mail today and told him to always remember that story, because it's the right way to be. Told him change is the only constant in life and to think about that paradox for a minute...almost like someone designed it that way huh Lucy? Told him that putting himself between me and you is not in anybody's best interest in the least of all his. Told him he would be better off (as would I, and you) emotionally and financially with you in our lives and us in yours. He gets it. He knows he gone in a few years and I don't ever want to move again if I can avoid it. I think we will :-). Avoid it that is lol. I told him I would work in Louisville or Evansville if I had to but I was living in that house. I said "Look, at Dave and Laura and how they live, we will probably have about as much income as they do, but without the big house and all the new cars and all the buy, buy, buy, go, go, go, do, do, do  of rampant commercialism (It's the rasta coming out of me, that or granny lol). I said Nicholas "We think alike, sure we will go do things, but we don't want that big house, we want this one paid for, with a lil garden and solar panels and just live out here in peace and quiet. Imagine Dave and Laura's income without nearly as many bills." And don't take that wrong, I love Dave, he's my brotha, Laura and me do a lot better than we used to lol, but I know if it were all up to him they wouldn't be living the way they are. All of that keeping up with the Jones and such. Kind of funny really, Dave on one end of the spectrum, Christian on the other and I am right smack dab in the middle lol. Anyway, lol, my point was he knows now what kind of life I am trying to build for us, for all of us, at least for a while, till he is gone.

He is a smart boy, he will be more cooperative of you than he will be with me lol. Just the way it is. My point is, for the first time I honestly think he gets it, he understands where this is headed and all the other reasons for it, not just the chemistry, love, sexual attraction, fate etc...

FYI. Al...god bless him, the man has been a second father for me. Sometimes Al didn't want to let me and mom talk without him present and we would have to come up with ways to get around this. A trip to Wal-Mart anyone? Anyway, it's not like this hardly at all anymore, but Al would feel left out or like we were talking about him or something. Al's issues, not ours. It wasn't ever the case, I just normally, not always, but most times, felt more comfortable talking about things with mom. What I am trying to say is, if this is the situation you find yourself in with me and Nicholas you've just got to learn not to take offense, there's nothing going on behind your back. It's just a boy wanting to talk to his dad, just like I wanted to talk to my mom. Step-parent dilemma I suppose. Nich's pretty free and open, I suspect he will come to you about a lot more things than you would think he would. Be ready, be ready for anything lol. Know those logical fallacies, he'll use them on ya, lol.

You sure you're ready?

You can keep running if you want to you know?

Love you Lucy, things will be just fine.

 

Peace