If she is seriously cluster B then all she has to do is tell me herself so I can breathe. But right now I am about to be hyperventilating any minute. I haven't ran from her, not from anything. I wouldn't run from this either if it's truly the case. I know and understand the challenges, I accept them head on. It's all about honesty and opening up to one another. All she has to do is tell me herself, text, email, phone call, not some anonymous post on a blog, that's not good enough. I told her, raped, molested, abused, therapy, what ever, I don't care what she has been through or what anybody else might tell me about her, nothing is going to change my mind. I said it about a year ago. I still mean it today.
But I don't really think it's the case. My son has been clingy as hell. He has been talking about getting a swing for the porch, getting a suit, "maybe when she comes she can help us fix some things" he says totally unprovoked, mom giving me books about foods that boost the immune system out of the blue? I think she is doing what she has always done, trying to scare me off so she don't get caught up in something horrible like in the past. I understand. I've been there, it's not pleasant, I wouldn't harm her in the least. I'm here to protect her from harm. She asked "Is the game getting to hard?" Next to going through the divorce and fighting for my son, and maybe one other incident in my life, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I'll put my faith and my belief in my sons clingy behavior out of the blue for no reason at all. The only reasonable explanation? He knows he is about to have to share his time with me. The band booster lady asking "You gonna get married soon?", all the little pieces add up to something going on with her. If she is cluster B, she wouldn't let it be known ahead of time, in all likely hood, she would have been here as soon as I started talking about marriage so she could set us up to destroy us. That's how cluster b's work. I hope she never plays around with that again, can't live with my heart in my throat. If it is the case? All she has to do is tell me herself and she has a partner through all the years of therapy. I don't say things I don't mean or wouldn't follow up on. This is something I take very serious and wouldn't just say to be saying. I hope she understands and if it is the case she reaches out to me, cause I am here for her, just like always. She's me, the female version if that's possible.
"This is my dream..."
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