Yeah...

"...Other than that?

However you wanna do it sweetheart, I really don't care..."

"However you wanna do it", is one thing, knowing it's going to happen is quite another and that, my fair lady, is what is driving me and apparently several others nuts lol.

I just want to let you know once again, we don't have a lot.

401k?

Gave up on that years ago, every time I got some put away I would get laid off, downsized etc...I had another mouth to feed, he deserved a life as well, too many times I went to Wal-Mart when funds were low and just couldn't even purchase anything he wanted.

Nothing.

Try that on for size.

Go to Wal-Mart with a four or five year old and walk out without even buying them a Hot Wheel cause it's all you can do to get by till hopefully you get called back to work.

They don't quite understand at that age, they just cry...and it just hurts like a mule kicked you in your gut.

I just figured, like a lot of people these days, I would just work till I die.

Savings?

Well...

used to be the tax return was our savings from year to year...this year? Just too much maintenance to be done around house, truck etc, gas and food just eating us out of house and home, couldn't ride to work to save a penny. Robbing Peter to pay Paul and getting every last drop out of everything we could has finally caught up to us. Finally just said "Fuck it!", I think I can see where this is going...and if not? Whatever, we've made it through worse, we will again if need be.

To have made it this far and to have done the things we have done and not be in any worse shape than we are? And to have two years of his college put away? Well? We've done alright if you ask me.

Only once in 11 years did I ever take money out of his college account, and that was $150 to go shopping for school clothes with a few years back.

I told mom at the spring band concert when she was talking about all these families having two, three and four kids and their nice homes and multiple vehicles and nice vacations and sending their kids to college and everything and she says "I don't see how they make it." I said "Mom, trust me, they don't. They may look like they are doing well on the outside but the truth is most of them are way worse off than we are. Up to their eyeballs in debt, etc." She just looked at me and nodded her head in agreement.

It's the truth.

Fuck their lifestyle and the having to have what everybody else wants and all the vacations to all the same old places everybody else goes and look at us on FB see where we went ? were so happy and so successful.

No they're not.

Not most of them anyway.

I know better.

I'll never forget when Nich was in grade school and going to the fall festival and sitting at a table with one of the snooty ladies from church and another lady and they were just going on and on about dance and soccer and cross country and this activity and that activity. I just looked at her and said "We don't do all that crazy running around, we're home bodies, we enjoy our time at home."

"Well it will help them get into a good school" she says. I said "In the state of KY if you have a C average the state schools have to accept you, it was good enough for me, it will be good enough for him, all that other mess is just a way of making you think you need to do something cause everyone else is doing it, the fact of the matter is all these kids activities have become cottage industries, they are nothing more than a way to get money out of you."

No wonder she never liked us lol.

Anyway,

the point is, you have to have a life.

Your life.

Your way.

Not anybody elses.

Why are you living? 

What are you doing if your not living your life exactly like you want?

It's yours, it's a gift, your time is short here, best to be enjoyed if you ask me.

I just can't do it (not live the life I want to), just never really have been able to.

Did it put me in some predicaments from time to time...yeah, you betcha...oh well.

It's worth it if you ask me.

Always has been.

Just wanted you to know one last time what was up with us financially.

If you wanna walk?

Do it now.

No hard feelings ever.

Love you with all my heart mind body and soul Virgie.

Peace.