Well

are we?

"bout done playin tiddlywinks here and Skype and Instagram, fuck nuts?"

I just wanna know what I feel in my heart is true and that it's happening.

Till then?

I'm a fucking disaster.

After I know?

If I get a phone call Friday that I am fully not expecting to get?

Then I can prepare myself mentally for whats about to take place in reality.

I stress.

Hard.

Until there is a plan of action before me.

Once I see what needs to be done?

Or in this case, what's about to happen?

I'm fine.

I set out on a coarse of action knowing wat needs to be done.

It's the getting started part and not knowing that just push me over the edge.

Wait and see.

Once we have a plan of action put together?

I'll have to-do lists and priorities and deadlines and be constantly be adjusting, re-evaluating adapting to whatever comes up along the way.

It's the not knowing part that is dragging me down.

Sorry.

Tina: "Well how long are you gonna give her, she needs some time to wrap her head around all this."

Remember when you felt like that?

That's how I feel right now.

It's not fair in the least.

I couldn't care less lol.

Janet talking to me out of the blue last Sunday about redoing her will.

All the instagram accounts drying up when my phone died.

Christian wanting to sell me a lil 38 that he said "Would fit in your pocket real nice."

Everybody going way out of their way to seem as normal about everything as can be...only thing is?

Nothing about any of it seems very normal at all.

Mom and Al not complaining about Nich not being in band.

Al not complaining about neither of us going to church.

I've seen all these signs before Lucy.

Like the lil girl that cried wolf one to many times sweetheart.

One would have thought three 400 mile round trips in two states would have been enough...but noooooooooooooooo, lol.

"Spectacular or bust."

I'm puttin my bets on spectacular :-).

Just wish I knew what you're cookin up.

That way I could be ready.

Hopefully Alan gives me a call Friday.

There is no way I can work Friday PM and then be worth a shit come Saturday.

Just can't.

Love you Virgie.