He

is 15.

He is all over the map.

Trapped in bumfuck hickville KY.

He acts like he is the only creative, intelligent 15 year old to struggle with schools cookie cutter approach to forcing conformity on him.

He's not.

Tomorrow there will be another crisis.

Way it is at this age.

Its why I could use a hand lol.

I told him he can not continue to mention suicide and not think he wouldn't end up back in counseling.

He said that school just makes him feel that way, not that he ever would.

I told him it's not normal to mention it as often as he does. (couple of times a year).

I told him it's not fair either.

Asked him if he thought I would sleep good tonight now?

"No...sorry..."

Asked him if he thought I would give a shit about any alerts coming across the board while I was at work the next two days.

"Nope...I'd say not."

I think it's because of whats getting ready to happen.

He knows.

Feels slighted.

Ignored.

It's to be understood I suppose.

Couple more years and he will be grown.

I think he will be an outstanding young man in whatever endeavor he decides to pursue.

We need to start putting a life together Lucy.

It's not fair to either of us to keep this up much longer.

I don't like seeing him suffer.

I think he will pull it together.

He's not going to have much choice.

If you weren't in the picture and we were just gonna stay here he would still not be liking it.

Just want my wife.

Some body to look me in the eyes and tell me everything is going to be alright.

Cause I don't have it now.

Everybody pulling me in every direction.

Chad taking on more of my roles ay work.

He knows the day is coming soon where he is going to have to do so anyway.

Might as well start now.

Smart man.

Love Chad.

But, it also makes it pretty obvious what is going on as well.

I'm the one telling everybody everything is going to be okay and I am the one that gets no support back.

Sucks.

Just want my wife.

So I can just look in her eyes and know without saying a word to each other:

"This too shall pass."

Just like it always does.

I don't mean to cast such a long shadow over the boy.

Not my intent at all.

Just wanna live my life the way I want to.

Everybody thinks its so special to be me these days.

Compared to most I see I guess I could understand.

Just funny how nobody wanted to be me a few years back and most have no idea what I have struggled with to get to this point.

I love you Virgie.

.