Night.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Seems
to me like I've had plenty of lunches...
aint nobody ever ate one but me...
let alone you...
Bahahahahaha
Say
the word.
Watch what happens.
I just really don't think you're woman enough to handle
"My Way...I just don't...
Bahahahahahahaha
Headin to get him
and go to Oboro to Dentist.
Love you.
Got a two amd a half hour nap!
Guess it was the gravel that wore me out lol.
Monday, May 5, 2014
Very
chill day.
Needed it.
Came home 60.
Got Dave's trailer.
Ready mix was closed lol.
Went to Tell City and ate cause Nich wanted.
He was tired from his AP test.
Came home and relaxed.
Load of laundry.
Dishes.
Got in hammock for a bit.
Porch too.
Watched robins feed their lil ones.
Listened to the coyotes, then the dogs barkin at the coyotes, then the frogs and birds and crickets...
Awesome.
Gravel, Oil change and Dentist tomorrow.
Love you.
Night.
Didn't
you just always know that this was going to happen?
I mean didn't you?
Somewhere in the back of that pretty lil head of yours wasn't there always this lil voice whispering don't worry?
Be true to yourself.
They're coming someday.
Don't ever give up.
Keep hopin'.
Keep prayin.
and then one day they walk in and sit down right next to you and you're like...that was it...it just happened...Oh my God...are you kidding me?
What was my choice?
I had none.
There was no other possible choice I could have made.
That means...
it wasn't my choice...
choice already been made in regard to what I gotta do about this...
that's how I know who already decided ...
Sunday, May 4, 2014
I'm lost...
you want more?
Or are you going to bed?
getting toward 1 AM EST you know?
Seems to be your witching hour.
Here
is the thing.
I can be whatever I need to be.
Wanna get all hoity-toyity and do white table clothes, five star luxury suites and black-tie affairs and what not?
Kewl, let's roll.
Next time around, you wanna hang at a friends old run down trailer?
Cool, I can do that too.
I'm still the same guy.
That's why it's called...
integrity...
you are who you are regardless of who you are with or where you are.
You always treat everyone with the same amount of respect.
Period.
The only difference is when people disrespect you or the people that you are close to that don't or won't stand up for themselves.
Those people (the ones being disrespectful) deserve to be shot down.
Not only do they deserve to be shot down, they deserve to be shot down with what I like to call the "take a sledge hammer to an ant approach" such that they know in no uncertain terms, to never do it again.
Example.
There was only one pediatric Dentist in Owensboro when Nich needed to start going to the dentist.
So we had to go to Henderson to a younger guy who had only opened his practice for a few years.
The time came and Nicholas had to had some teeth extracted.
Guy said he thought he could do it in his office with a local anesthetic.
OK, kewl, lets do it.
Day comes and I am in the room with him and his helper and Nich.
"Now dad, if you think this is becoming to much for him and you want us to stop, you just let us know okay? And we will schedule it at the hospital and put him under."
Okay, righton, good to know.
They get started.
They get two done but are struggling with the third.
Nich is getting increasingly uncomfortable.
"Excuse me" I said.
Loud enough for both him and his helper to hear.
Nothing, they keep going.
Nich is getting even more uncomfortable.
(He was tiny, not even in school yet)
"Excuse me." I said, this time a lil louder.
Still nothing.
A few minutes later and I can't bear to see my son suffer any more.
I screamed at the top of my lungs, I promise you I did, loud enough they probably heard me across the street, "EXCUSE ME!".
They both stop.
Nich is laying there sobbing.
Helper immediately leaves the room.
Dentist pushes his stool back and comes flying up off of it and proceeds to lecture me with an earful of "You shouldn't have interrupted! I was almost done!"
I mean in an aggressive, in your face, fuck you attitude for about five minutes.
I just stand there and stared him in the eyes the whole time.
I mean right in the eyes, not ever so much as flinching.
I let him talk himself out till he didn't have anything else to say.
Then I looked at him square in the eyes and I said in as calm of a voice as I could muster...
"You done?
Seems to me like you had your turn, so now I get mine.
Don't you ever pull some non-sense like that ever again.
You're lucky I am being as calm as I am.
I assure you if I was the man I was five years ago I wouldn't be so calm.
You sat right here and said "If I feel uncomfortable with things to let you know.
I did, not once, not twice but three times.
THREE TIMES!
I feel like you gave me no choice but to respond but in the manner I did.
If you didn't want to be interrupted when doing your work you shouldn't have given me the lil speech you did before you started."
I wish you could have seen the look on his face.
He just couldn't believe that somebody would have the nerve to ever talk back to him.
(I mean , who the fuck does he think is paying his salary?)
I was so mad I was literally shaking.
We left.
I really don't think he really ever knew just how lucky he was that day.
We scheduled and had the last extraction at the hospital.
Shortly thereafter a new pediatric dentist opened in Owensboro.
Needless to say, we never went back to Henderson to that dentist practice.
My point is, I just flat out do not give a fuck who you are or who you think you are, if you treat us with respect?
You get respect back, if you don't treat us with respect?
Shame on you.
I tell Nich on a regular basis, (it's been a while actually, mostly because it's not that much of an issue any more), don't ever let anybody look down on you or treat you like you're some kind of second class person because of some body's self-perceived socioeconomic status or what their last name is, or if they are a Dr. or a Lawyer or Congressman, whatever, you hold your head up high, aint nobody any better of a person than you, call them out on their bullshit, let them know you aren't afraid of them and their stupid shit.
I think I told someone a long time ago:
"Why the fuck should I care about what some hicks in a rural western KY county think about me?"
We're better than, all of us, and we're about to show some people Lucy, Nich, you, and me.
Honey, I assure you I don't go around lookin for it but you need to know, I will stand up and defend myself, my family, my beliefs, my faith etc and I will not back down.
Ever.
I'll gladly loose a fight just to show somebody I wasn't scared to take them on.
I learned a long time ago, if you bully a bully, they usually back down.
And you are absolutely right, there just aren't that many quality people around where we live, there just isn't.
Time for all that to change sweetheart.
Love you.
Peace.
(You can ask mom about the dentist, she was in the lobby, it took me hours to settle down that day, my dad would have probably been arrested if it was him involved instead of me.)
I think...
you are perfect just the way you are as well :-).
I know so.
Not perfect as in a perfect person obviously but perfect just for me.
What the fuck else matters?
Let me tell ya what.
Nothing...
Who the fuck cares what anybody else thinks?
They are gonna think it anyway.
Nothing you can do about it.
Best just to let them.
That's their life and their choice about how they wanna be.
Says a lot actually.
About them that is.
Love ya Bambi...
Whatcha
think bout?
Lol.
Like I don't know.
Obviously somebody hasn't had a chance to relieve some tension here lately.
(That's putting it rather mildly lol)
Always remember, that's your job.
She
would have been 85 today.
Timeless, classic, beauty, class, graceful, elegant...
Today's icons are mostly so trashy it makes me sick...
They just don't make 'em like this anymore...
except for one I know...
and I was blessed enough to find her.
That is honestly how I feel.
Oh
that and a whole lot more, let me tell ya...
well come to think of it...
I already have...
Bahahahahahahaha
Ornery ass...
Mornin there dingleberry.
Were ya worried about me there sweetheart?
You know me better than that lol.
Saturday, May 3, 2014
Two's
and fives and sixes?
Past your bedtime there Dingleberry.
Love you.
If you only knew how much I struggle to spell and type lol.
Ready
when you are.
Say the word.
I'll be there as soon as I can.
Just wanna talk.
Lots to talk about lol.
Go for a walk?
Hold hands?
Watch a sunset...
just wanna...you know...
do it like...
forever.
Gotta start somewhere sometime Lucy.
Wow...
two's and three's and four's?
What am I?
Special or something?
Me and Chad sitting here on Derby Weekend.
Not a thing going on.
Getting paid to listen to Willie...
Nice...
Yeah...
Nicholas hasn't learned this yet...
If you can tell or even think that I am really into it?
(Usually the volume is a good indicator lol)
Let me finish enjoying it.
Then I can turn it down and we can discuss whatever.
Otherwise?
Just ruins my enjoyment of the song.
Startin over just don't cut it.
Just not the same.
Basicly, it's loud for a reason...
In the silence
It's not always what you see
Often, it's what you hear
what you hear with your heart
what you hear in the silence...
when the world's far away
when you're all alone
by yourself
when all you can hear
is the beating of your heart
and the sound of your breathing
and the longing
deep within
And you hear
a still quiet voice
whispering softly,
I made this for You
what you hear with your heart
what you hear in the silence...
when the world's far away
when you're all alone
by yourself
when all you can hear
is the beating of your heart
and the sound of your breathing
and the longing
deep within
And you hear
a still quiet voice
whispering softly,
I made this for You
Michael Traveler
Love you Lucy.
Mornin
Ornery ass.
Bahahahahahaha
Gotta get, couple of stops to make on way in.
At least I am riding:-).
Love you beautiful.
So glad we "bumped into each other" as somebody said a while back.
ttys
Friday, May 2, 2014
Awwwww
you a pumpkin now or somethin'?
Bedtime is it?
Al just text me and told me it would be a good week for riding next week?
10:30 at night his time he says this?
Out of the blue?
Yeah okay I guess.
Except for the sleep I have to get on Monday from working all weekend.
The dentist appointments Nich and I have on Tuesday.
Working on Wed and Thur.
Sleep again on Friday.
Gravel...
yard...
etc etc etc...
unless somebody lets it be known they want me to come riding...
Funny...
how you are always looking in here right when you know where I am.
Like I don't know it's you Virgie.
Give me a break lol.
Whatever.
Total bill for plumbers?
$581.
Go figure lol.
Maybe that's not that big of a deal for some people.
But for a single parent to get hit with that kind of unexpected bill?
It's a hit financially.
Oh well.
What can you do but move on?
Whats done is done.
Took some out of savings.
Put some on the credit card.
Hate to do that but I got to keep some cash stocked away.
This is the fastest I have ever went through this much of my tax return.
Won't even get any next year.
Like I said.
Goin on faith.
Goin on faith.
And yes, still getting Air Filter for the bike.
Daddy deserves a life.
Like I said, it's
happening.
Period.
Or I will loose my everliving mind.
Whats left of it anyway.
This cheek is an extra check so some of that and the 20 hours of PTO I sold back cover it.
Whats left of it anyway.
This cheek is an extra check so some of that and the 20 hours of PTO I sold back cover it.
Ready to hear the gross gory details of the toilet that wouldn't flush right?
There is no septic tank.
House was built in 1940's.
Waste just empties out a good ways out into the pasture next door.
Keep in mind at one time that pasture and this house were on the same property.
They obviously didn't care then.
I told Christian all this years ago when we had to have roots cleared out of the main drain for the laundry.
Him and Jimmy freaked out a lil then let it go.
Worried about their horses.
It was a horse that stepped on that line and clogged it up actually.
That and some roots from the trees.
That and some roots from the trees.
I'm not telling them about what was done today.
Told them last time, it should come as no surprise really but I am sure they won't remember.
Plumber said to sell the house I would need to bring it up to code and that would mean having a septic tank and lateral lines put in $3000-$5000.
Yeah...two words.
Aint happening.
I asked the plumber what would happen if it was just given away?
He said as long as there wasn't a bank involved there wouldn't have to be an inspection and there wouldn't have to be a septic system put in.
Jimmy wants it bad enough? He can put it in.
Take it off of the cost of the house.
Whatever.
Cross that bridge when needed.
Cross that bridge when needed.
Why the fuck do I even bother to tell my electronic ghost these things?
Seems like if she really cared and wanted to ease my mind she would talk to me you know?
I told Nicholas yesterday "I get paid tomorrow, checking account is kind of low right now."
He says "I wouldn't be worrying about it if I was you."
Now just why is that Lucy?
I don't know what your plan is or what you're doing but I thought you might want to know some things.
Funny how Nich asked me how much the house cost a few weeks ago, just in passing.
Then a few weeks later he says "Well, that's really not that much."
He is 15!
What does he know?
Somebody is telling him things Lucy and I think I know who.
I told you a long time ago we are sinking.
Slowly but still.
Slowly but still.
I got a few more years to make it with him.
I made it this long, lord knows I can continue, I've been doing it my whole life.
When I tell him that?
He doesn't say a word...
Just smiles.
Says alot really.
When I told Christian that Nich was expected to pay for his own car insurance?
He said "Good, stick to that."
I was like "Dude, it's just the reality of where we are and him living in a single parent home."
Now why would Christian think I would ever not stick to makin him pay for his own insurance?
I made it this long, lord knows I can continue, I've been doing it my whole life.
When I tell him that?
He doesn't say a word...
Just smiles.
Says alot really.
When I told Christian that Nich was expected to pay for his own car insurance?
He said "Good, stick to that."
I was like "Dude, it's just the reality of where we are and him living in a single parent home."
Now why would Christian think I would ever not stick to makin him pay for his own insurance?
It would just be nice to know I'm gonna have somebody to cross that finish line with him with sweetheart.
Just sayin...
I flat out told him yesterday "I can tell something is going on and whoever is behind it?
If they don't understand that this is not healthy for me?
That it is causing me more stress and anxiety than it should?
Well...they should understand that."
Shortly after he disappeared to go throw the rest of his milkshake away while we were in Wal-Mart.
I wonder who he was talking to on the phone when he went to do that?
Like I don't know.
After thathe was all rubbing my back and being nice and sweet,no more smart ass bull shit like I get sick of lol.
Tell me to come and I will leave right now.
I looked around after the plumbers left.
Not much I would take unless Nich wants stuff when he ventures out on his own.
Then I suppose it could be put in storage.
Me?
I could take everything I want in a small uhaul trailer.
I told you before...
Like a phoenix rising from the ashes...
Love you.
Peace...
It's all I really want and all I really want anybody else to have...
I don't have mine anymore...
and I know I won't have it...
till we are husband and wife...
It's all I really want and all I really want anybody else to have...
I don't have mine anymore...
and I know I won't have it...
till we are husband and wife...
Oh yeah...
this came through last night right after I got done throwing my lil pity-party.
Right after the poem as a matter of fact...
I mean why wouldn't it?
Seems
to me like if you had as much balls as you want everyone to think you do you would have done something about this situation by now...
But Nooooooooooooooo...
Lets take away from all the good times we could be have already had...
cause you know...
That makes sense...
Fuckin' woman logic...
I tell ya...
B
a
a
a
h
a
h
a
h
a
h
a
h
a
h
a
h
a
!
Oh...
I aint jonesin for attention Dollbaby,,,
jonesin for you sweetheart...
Like I have been since I first met ya...
Promise...
Ornery Ass...
didn't Suzannabananadanaana have a wedding to go to this May?
Well...
It's May...
You know?
Morning...
Nothing like waiting on the plumbers before going in to work midnights lol
At least I get to ride :-).
Love you Dingleberry.
Well you found him...didn't you?
Night...
think...
parking garage...
and why you think that stuff happened...
Not once...
Twice...
Flat out busted...
Love you.
Go to sleep thinking bout that now...
Bahahahahahaha
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Are you kidding me?
It just never stops...
Falls right in my lap...
Every time...
"she talks to me
not in words
words would just not do
they'd fall short of saying
all she had to say
fall short of reaching
the soul
she sings to me
in misty shades of purple and blue
in a way that only she can do
she lifts me
high above the skyline
to a mountaintop
high above the noise
the chaos down below
she loves me
like no other can ever do
she touches me
in misty shades of blue"
"Misty Shades of Blue" by Michael Traveler,
words would just not do
they'd fall short of saying
all she had to say
fall short of reaching
the soul
she sings to me
in misty shades of purple and blue
in a way that only she can do
she lifts me
high above the skyline
to a mountaintop
high above the noise
the chaos down below
she loves me
like no other can ever do
she touches me
in misty shades of blue"
"Misty Shades of Blue" by Michael Traveler,
You act
like you're worth all the damn trouble or something...
Bahahahahahaha
All I can say about my mood around here right now is:
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
finally...
Peace.
Well
"...Sweeter than sugar...Sweeter than candy..."
what fucking good is it doing ya?
Bahahahahahaha
Lets see...
Got him.
Came home.
Got organized.
Went to post office.
Mailed off two Zippo's.
Neither of which work.
Second time now.
Lifetime warranty.
Not to happy with Zippo right now lol.
Went and filled the truck up with gas.
Went and dropped off Weed eaters.
Went to Long John Silvers for dinner.
Grocery shopped at Wal-mart.
Back home.
Laid down.
Couldn't sleep.
Back up.
Cooked pork chops and hamburgers for him this weekend.
Watered grass seed.
That's his job this weekend.
Never could get it to do very well as I was never here to water it.
His turn.
I'll be able to tell if he does or not.
Got bills organized.
Still got two loads of laundry to get done.
Gonna try and get to bed early.
Get to ride up this weekend.
:-).
Lows in the mid 50's, only a 10% chance of rain :-).
Wanna leave early tomorrow and take my time.
Go the back way all the way in.
That sounded good didn't it?
lol.
I'm gonna say it again.
Go the back way all the way in.
Figure it out lol.
Annyway stop in and see Donnie.
'Get a bowl of "the famous" (His trademarked world famous chilli).
Anyway...
Tomorrows another day.
Time to get over myself and start being thankful like I preach lol.
Tons of people would love to be in my shoes...
If they only knew what it was like to get here...
They probably wouldn't want my shoes lol...
Sums up...
my day on a variety of levels...
"...Every now and then, I get down to the end of a day,
I'll have to stop, ask myself, "What've I done?"
It just seems so useless to have to work so hard,
And nothin' ever really seem to come from it..."
Just get tired of it...
I wish I could just say "...Here Jimmy, here's your keys, it's yours..."
Just give it too him, grab some clothes for me and him and just be gone...
Nich said "Maybe we should worry about you."
after I handed him a banana to put in the glovebox instead of the sunglasses I meant to give him lol.
I said "Maybe yall should...worry about the guy that worries about everybody else...that's probably a good idea..."
Goin on faith here Lucy but somehow I don't think a $1900 power steering pump or a $200 escrow deficit gonna matter much here before long...
Don'e ever think I'm stupid...
Ease a boys mind...
My head is about to explode due to the not knowing...
about you...
Carol not returning my calls...
His mom...
It's not healthy for me at all...
always realize this...
seems like you would have already...
I was
so tired I just got back in bed.
I didn't even ride to Owenboro like I wanted.
Might as well not tried to sleep.
Dentist called.
Nich forgot his folder.
Christian called (twice).
Bike shop called.
(Had to reschedule for Friday).
Escrow account on the mortgage is $200 short.
Of course it's $200 short why wouldn't it be $200 short?
Nich didn't put up his gloves from putting the hay on the grass seed.
I've had my gloves 12 years.
I haven't even got the Lowes bill to pay for them yet.
And he looses one to the dogs.
So he gets to buy a pair with his own money.
And he has to turn in his I-pad.
Which means he needs a phone charger.
Don't know on that one.
It might have just quit working.
But if he lost it?
That comes out of his money.
He lost his forth pair of ear buds.
I told him yesterday he didn't deserve a nice pair lol.
Once again, his money.
I'm done being nickle and dimed to death over shit he looses.
Time to grow up.
He argued with me about turning the hose off.
?
Really?
How fucking hard is it?
It goes one way or the fuckin other.
You have two choices.
One of them works.
Figure it out.
He tried to tell me the outside spicket was messed up.
I was like, "How would you know? You never use it.
Worked for me for years, your first time out here and it don't work?
I wonder where the problem is."
Operator error.
"The shower won't work." he says later.
"Worked for me."
On our shower it just works better if you flip the diverter and them turn on the water instead of the other way around.
He just pestered me all day yesterday about shit he was wrong about and had no defense for but he tried to blame any and everything but himself.
NOTE TO LUCY:
When I tell ya I am not in the mood to be messed, joked, teased, pestered, or played with?
Then leave me the fuck alone.Because what happens is I'll blow a fuse if you don't and then you'll get mad at me instead of just "honoring my wishes" (there's a blast from the past lol, that made me smile lol...) anyway...when I am not in the mood to be messed with I'll tell ya...respect it...or reap the consequences...
You been warned.
Love you.
Gotta get him.
Don't I?
"Pursue your wife. Hold her hand. Remind her daily of how beautiful she is. Make sure she feels like the most cherished woman in the world."
Morning
beautiful...
I mean ornery ass...lol.
Still just exhausted, going back to sleep in a minute.
Riding to Owensboro to get watches fixed lol.
Three watches, none of them work lol...
Two batteries are dead and one needs a new band.
Then takin weed eaters to get them worked on.
Nich said he would go with me.
Then diner in Tell City.
Grocery shopping and laundry.
The glamorous life just never stops lol...
It had to be purple...
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