Lets

 

get straight to the heart of the matter about this past Saturday (New Years day) and lets let the pieces fall where they may. By now you should be well aware of the fact I don't give much a fuck any more. You can go watch the videos of your gifts burning just in case you had any doubt.

As I said in the video I'm sure you've seen by now, I woke up with Self-Destruction as my intention.

I had a bowl of Gorilla Glue (THC content 25-30%) before my buddy even came by to pick me up at 10:00 AM.

Was drinking 124 proof bourbon before 11 AM.

How many times anybody ever told you I was drunk honey? 

Sound like me? 

Sounds like what I do? 

Or was it an aberration? 

A cry for mercy? 

A way of saying, "I've been telling you people for years I've had enough, its not my fault you people don't listen, yall went way to far this time, enjoy your consequences" etc.

You make your choice from the list presented above, its pretty obvious what the correct choice is.

I am by no means proud of the mess I made etc, and I really don't wanna do it again, but I cant say it wont happen again either. Suffice it to say I despise being put in situations where there is such an obvious "hidden agenda" being pushed behind the scenes, its been going on for years and one way or another I will put an end to it even if it means my own demise. You cant just mentally torture someone for years and think they wont respond in any manner they find suitable when they have reached the point where they can't take anymore. I know you. I know how strong you are. I know what you have been through and what you have endured, which means I know you understand exactly what I am saying. It doesn't make things right, it just means that its inevitable people will eventually lash out in an extreme manner. 

And you my dear, being their ringleader, are held even more responsible for you minions carrying out your schemes. Yup. Only one entity with the brains and the forethought, insightful planning etal  that could coordinate such a band of misfit minions to do her bidding for her. I bet it doesn't happen again, which, was kinda my whole point. You went to the well once to often, so I retaliated. I knew what was going on when I woke up that morning. Go back to what I said about Gorilla Glue if you don't think so.

 I'll say this as well, if somebody only wants to extend to you hospitality in such a way that they can push somebodys "Hidden agenda/ulterior motives"? That's a friendship that might warrant a lil reconsideration. That's three times in one year at the same local. So sick of all this shit that I really didn't care if I ever got invited back by the time the day rolled around. That's something else I knew prior to 10 AM Saturday as well.

The insanity I live in is knowing what people are up to without them telling me and then they freak out not being able to accept the facts that have been so obviously displayed right in front of them. People shouldn't act like I don't know what weve done for them without them telling me. Accept that I do know, and were all good, act like I shouldn't/cant know etc and were gonna butt heads. I can hear Brother Brian off in the background saying "It's not that complicated!" People don't need to tell me what I already know, so my advice is don't act like I don't know what we've done. It's insulting to me and its insulting to God who gave me the spiritual gifts I have. Whether it's an off the cuff comment about saving up for children's college education when I know we've already taken care of that, or a hat rack/key hanger, or a meeting that gets blown off for no reason, or inviting someone to your home only because you have false intentions/ulterior motives. 

It tends to backfire, because I can see right through it.

In short Honey?

Don't be putting me in situations where false intentions and hidden agendas abound. I just might show up with my own hidden agenda and wreck some plans.

ps We need to compensate my buddys friend and his wife for damages to their couch, carpet etc. That's money that could have went to a food bank or other worthwhile cause Lucy. Which is also a point I want to make, lets quit the stupid shit and focus on what matters, mainly us, or what's left of us at this point and the good we can do for others.

I told you not to do it. I told you what I would do if we weren't together by Saturday and now you're witnessing that be played out.

Men of integrity do what they say they're gonna. 

Even if it means being rude, cruel or small minded.

I told you I'm ready to walk away, die etc....

What are you willing to do Lucy?

"The person who is more willing to leave the relationship is the one in charge of it."

Choose wisely.

Tired of the headache. It ought to be obvious.

I love you honey and I always will, I am more sure of that than I am just about anything I've ever known.

My good nature has just had enough being taken advantage of.

Kinda fits :-):

Always go to Psalms in times of trouble, it works, very soothing comforting etc.

Psalm 112

Praise the Lord.

Blessed are those who fear the Lord,

    who find great delight in his commands.

Their children will be mighty in the land;

    the generation of the upright will be blessed.

Wealth and riches are in their houses,

    and their righteousness endures forever.

Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,

    for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous.

Good will come to those who are generous and lend freely,

    who conduct their affairs with justice.

Surely the righteous will never be shaken;

    they will be remembered forever.

They will have no fear of bad news;

    their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.

Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;

    in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.

They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor,

    their righteousness endures forever;

    their horn will be lifted high in honor.

The wicked will see and be vexed,

    they will gnash their teeth and waste away;

    the longings of the wicked will come to nothing.