The day...

I think it was when I was 15...funny...Nich's 15...It was the Ralph Waldo Emerson quote...we were studying the transcendentalist in English class...

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” 

 

 

 

It was one of those moments when your sitting there in your chair and all the sudden after reading that its like you were looking down on yourself like "Oh shit! It's true! Everybody I see around me! Not me mother fuckers!"

Bill Schwartz was in my class. He was a senior. Fucked up and needed the credit to graduate. Smart guy. Just didn't give a fuck when he was a junior apparently lol. We hit it off. Turned out he lived a five minute walk through the woods to the next street over from my house.

They announced male cheerleader tryouts while we were in English one day.

Bill jokingly said we should try out.

I agreed.

We did.

We both made it lol.

Soon I was introduced to ganja.

And partying.

Mom hated bill lol.

Go figure.

Soon I had lots of black friends and was finding tons of good music to listen to.

Rock, soul, punk, new age, reggae, Motown, fifties, blues, art rock, Floyd...everything.

I was like "I wanna do my shit different."

"Had to listen had no choice" Peter Gabriel comes to mind.

The rest is as they say...history.

Next year I was on the Cheerleading team again.

We built crazy pyramids and all kinds of stuff.

I had gymnastics when I was in grade school.

Could do a good cartwheel and a round off and stand on my hands for a long time.

Had a Great sense of balance.

We partied our asses off.

Cheerleader parties were the shit!

No sex lol.

Just drinkin and dancin'.

Everybody got a long and liked each other.

All friends, nobody dated.

This is my senior year.

The jocks had become freaks and the freaks were playing football.

Everybody partied with everybody.

Crazy.

Not like that when I started this school when I was a sophomore.

They closed Westport High school the summer before my senior year.

Half kids came to eastern.

Half to Ballard.

Herbert Crook came to our school.

He led the seventh region in scoring in basketball all four years he was in school.

Battled Winston Bennett a soon to be U of K standout from male High School twice.

We were in the same district.

Unbelievable games.

People with no affliation with either school were coming to the games just because of the quality of competition between these two.

It's true.

Herbert got a full scholarship to Uof L.

Started on the 86 NCAA championship team.

It was a pleasure to watch him play.

That year we made it to regional finals at Louisville Gardens for a chance at the sweet 16 state finals in Lexington.

Moore High School led by another U of L recruit Manual Forest beat us.

We had beat them earlier in the year I think.

Cheered in front of thousands of people that night.

We were all really hoping to go to state.

 

Oh well...

 

of course... 

 

that night

 

there was a party. 

 

Peace.

 

Exactly...

Kinda...

Kinda wat I thought all along...

I'm gonna get

As a matter of fact I'm gonna get one here in a bit...

Help me get to bed early and sleep...

I want to cook quality, thick cut, hardwood smoked bacon

and scratch made (not bisquick) banana pancakes for breakfast.

Nich already crashed a while back.

No school.

Engine light was on the truck for a few days.

Fuckers didn't clean out the gas line after they changed the gas tank. Or the fuel filter.

"Well your check engine light is on still do you want..."

"No I don't." Cause they were gonna charge me.

Now they gonna here about that.

Young guy.

Seems decent.

But if there was corrosion in the gas tank that was covered by the warranty they should have flushed the gas line and changed the filter and it's obvious they didn't.

Anyway. 

Check engine lights off.

Really all that matters.

I like face to face contact.

I'll go seen the service manager.

I'll tell him what I think.

Calm, professional.

just like if I was talking to mom.

The point is, if I am going to bring this truck to you in a few weeks for $700 worth of work, I want better service than that. 

By going face to face it established a relationship.

Now when I come back, he knows whats expected.

You know what.

I aint going there cause I don't wanna use Janet's truck ever again lol.

I'll take the damn thing to Owensboro lol.

I wanna...

I wanna sit right here...

The back porch...Destin Fla...

I even remember which table it is...

Hurricane windows...

In this pic they have them fastened open.

Sit right by it.

Breeze blowin in off the ocean...

I wanna go with my absolutely amazing wife...

take all night...

watch the sunset...

have a few drinks...

tequila...rum...foo-foo drinks, beer...whatever...

I already know what I want to eat...

Lobster stuffed Mahi...

Why you gotta make it so fuckin' hard?

(That can be taken several different ways lol. 

Didn't mean for that to happen when I first wrote it.)

We should have been there already.

Just wait till I get a hold of you later back at the room :-).

Promise.

Peace.

F. Scot Fitzgerald

Pretty much...

RUMI

If your eyes are opened, you'll see the things worth seeing.

RUMI

The moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door will open.

"Now...

"...Now I

I'm just a fella
 with a one track mind.

whatever it is I want?

I seek and I shall find..."

Love you.

Gotta...

 

Gotta switch.

 

Tony be here soon.

Love you.

Like...

 

I like it when my Lucy stays up with me :-).

Freakin'...

 

lights dimmed in the Data Center.

Don't need that shit.

Bring back memories Lucy?

Like back in the days when you would actually call my phone lol?

:-).

All seems well.

Ticket created, call to hardware support made.

Mostly just for documentation.

 

 

Love you sweetheart.

and one for me...



Something like that...



Okay...

Where do I sign up?

 

 

Like that...

 

Like that text?

 

I'm back :-).

More Itialian...

 

you would think I would know by now lol.

2:30...

 

you still with me?

You not a pumpkin yet?

 

Pumpkin.

Yeah...

 

first new pet name in a long time Hotrod:-).

Could...

Could you please leave a message in something besides Italian?

 

Something say like...

 

English?

 

I'm...

 

I'm just gonna be the nicest guy ever.

I'm gonna always be askin Hubert how he is doing.

How his prognosis is.

When the next Dr appointment is.

I'm going to volunteer to take him to the DR. whenever he needs it.

just wake me up.

I'll take you.

I'm a nice guy like that.

I'm going to suggest that he let someone go with him to hear what the DR says, you know cause sometimes when you are by yourself, especially at his age, you might miss things.

Well...we just can't be havin that now can we?

 

He is going to get my drift.

He will just go on and find him some other gullible elderly lady to be with.

It's what they always do.

He gonna leave on his own accord.

Move in Feb?

Why?

Why not wait till spring?

His window of opportunity is closing.

I'm gonna slam it shut.

Janet will be broken hearted.

Beats eatin dog food warmed up on a hot plate.

 

Much better plan of action.

Much more subtle.

Takes Janet out of the loop.

 

I'm gonna catch him by himself.

Tell him I know whats up.

 

Then start volunteering all my services for him.

yeah...

 

I like that much better.

 

My center has returned :-).

Finally.

As I get older, I loose it less frequently and it returns sooner.

It's nice.

A blessing.

 

Pretty much...



If...

 

If I had an address I might send ya somethin'

Ya know?

 

So...in the mean time...this gonna have to do.

 

 

Love ya Lucy.

 

Peace.

 

Who just smiled?

You did that's who.

 

Who makes you smile Lucy?

 

Used...

 

Used responsibly...it's safer than alcohol and tobacco, also, it has medicinal properties.

 

Trust me.

I know.

 

 

 

There ya go...

Get ya one of those for ur ride :-).

 

baddest woman on the planet more like it.

 

I literally...

 

I literally got goose bumps when seeing this...

 

So when we goin?

 

To me.

 

You're the baddest mamajama ever.

Period.

 

Why would I ever want less?



 

Yep...

 

pretty much...

 

 

We...

 

We could go when ever we want...

 

Center Hill Lake

Isaiah 33:2

 

Isaiah 33:2

Yep



RUMI

 

 

I know you're tired but come, this is the way.

 

 

I'm comin' baby.

 

This spring.

I'm tired but I am comin.

Just get me an address.

You gonna...

 

You gonna be my valentine Knucklehead?

Be my Pin-up Valentine?

 

Have I?

 

Do think I ever will?

On anything we hold dear?

 

I think you know the answer to that question.

 

 

Righton...

 

Righton with the three.

 

Thanks.

 

Dingleberry.

Woke up...

 

Got a phone call at 11:00.

School being let out early.

Nich is at moms.

No school tomorrow.

Went upstairs.

Janet not there.

Hubert was in shower.

I was checking weather on the computer.

Hubert came out of the shower.

He looked at me shocked.

He said "Hey".

I said "Hey" back.

That was it.

 

What I thought was confirmed.

She leaves and he is there.

He could have done something to that truck.

Not saying he did, just that he could have.

 

Woke back up at 4:15.

Went upstairs.

TV was on the weather.

Said the storm was gonna hit in about 45 minutes.

Thought I better get my ass to work.

Ice, snow, rain etc.

Janet and Hubert were gone.

Called to see where they were and if they were watching the weather.

They were at Raferty's having lunch.

"Do you want to come have lunch with us?"

Told her I had to get to work.

I asked her if I could come stay at her house in the AM cause of the weather.

Then go home in the afternoon.

"Sure" she said "Love you."

"Love you too" I said.

 

In short.

Truck hasn't moved.

No more of his stuff has been moved in.

They didn't even get the dog and bring her over to Janets.

She's not going to tell me I can't stay there.

I'm gonna lay low.

Eventually she will ask my opinion of him moving in.

I'll tell her.

She's not ready to here it right now.

"I've seen what happened with Phillip, I've seen what happened with Bernice, I think this could end up very bad for you."

 

Hubert?

Yeah...I'm gonna let him think everything blew over.

I'll catch him alone just like I did today.

I'll tell him.

Right to his face.

"You're not running me out of here.

Quit talking bad about me to Janet behind my back.

You're not selling nuthin' around here.

Ever.

I'll be gone before long.

But I'll be in touch with her.

Tread carefully"

 

Gonna keep hounding him about his health as well.

When's your next appointment?

Why don't you let her go in to see the DR.with you?

Just tell them you got married.

Always good to have someone with you at your age.

You might misunderstand or not hear something.

Whats the prognosis?

Whats the plan for treatment?

When do you go back?

He is running out of time and he knows it.

She will figure out he is not dying before too much longer.

 

He's garbage.

Gotta play his game his way.

Keep stringing him along.

Gotta play the waiting game.

 

Waiting for her to come to me is also the way to go.

They didn't even go get the dog.

 

His plan been thwarted for now.

Good enough.

 

Who the fuck moves in Feb. anyway?

Why rush?

Cause he knows he is running out of time.

They are in their 70's.

Snow ice and freezing rain.

He wants to move right now?

Tells me a lot.

 

Just glad they didn't even get the dog.

She was very welcoming to me sleeping there in the AM.

Good enough.

 

Thank goodness I got a silver boot :-).

 

Watching Bill Nye debate the guy from the Creation Museum on Chads laptop.

 

It's just miserable outside.

Love you.

Romans 8:18

 

Romans 8:18 indeed...

Love you

headin in before it gets to bad. Comin back to Janets in AM. Things looking up. I'll explain later. Love you. ttys.

I will not have...

 

 

I will not have Bull Shit and Drama in our lives.

Ever.

I don't care if I've known you for 38 years.

You can remove the drama.

Or I will remove you.

 

Simple.

Easy.

 

Watch.

Damn...

 

now we get a two?

 

It will all be okay.

I wanna see the look on his face when I call him out on his horse shit.

I want the pleasure of sitting across the table and seeing him sweat.

Then I wanna look him right in the eyes and tell him what a pices of shit he is.

Right to his face.

I wanna ask him all the questions I wanna ask Janet.

This way, at a minimum, he knows I am on to him.

Love you...

 

Love you Virgie.

 

The hour of reckoning is drawing near.

I will...

 

I will not have drama in my life.

Ever again.

Ever.

Period.

I'm on to it these days.

Had my own experience with it.

Nicholas did as well.

As did James and

Christian.

Both of whom I saw first hand.

Know it all to well.

I will not have drama in my life.

Ever again.

I will remove it.

Or the source from which it comes.

This is my pledge to Nicholas.

This is my pledge to you.

Promise.

 

Watch.

Can't sit still...

Can't sit still.

 

Literally up pacing the floor.

Righton...

James wouldn't have reached out...

 

James be like...
"Fuck it, he is a man, he will get it worked out."

 

Damn straight I will. At the end of the day, that SOB gonna know I'm on to him.

Period.

I will protect my family from harm.

 

James and Nicholas both had the same concerns.

"Don't be physical."

 

Funny they are the two people I know you talk to.

 

It's all good.

Like I told Chad, at least in a few hours we will have some resolution.

Havein shit unsettled?

 

Don't go well with me.

I got my silver boot :-).

My talisman :-).

I know what I am protecting.

 

He is a piece of trash.

Thanks...

 

Thanks for having James check in on me.

Think I can't figure out a thing of two?

Please.

If you're so worried call then.

 

Aint nothing to worry about.

It won't get physical.

 

But Janet's gonna get a ton of questions heading her way.

I'm just gonna smile and act like nothing happened.

She will bring up the truck.

I'll tell her to get it all out of her system.

Then it's my turn to ask some questions.

 

She won't be thinking about a truck when I am done.

And she won't feel comfortable laying back down in bed beside that man either.

And she shouldn't.

 

No worries.

Doing her a big favor.

Whether or not she sees it that way or not.

That...

That could be you getting ready you know.

Me getting my suit on somewhere in the background.

 

Only thing is.

If that was you getting ready?

 

Well...

 

Lets just say we're gonna have to start getting ready really really early if we're ever going to be on time getting anywhere...

 

Promise.

 

 

 

 

Damn straight...

I was fully expecting that last post to not be one+'ed etc...

Not today Lucy okay?

No games like that today.

 

I lit into a SMC tech about why ATT was calling us.

(Not the right protocol to follow)

Chad was laughing his ass off.

I started smiling as well.

I got off the phone and ask Chad "Did you like that one?"

He was rolling..."Talk about messing with the wrong guy on the wrong day." He said...

 

Yep...

 

Pretty much.

 

Know my moods sweetie.

easy going fun lovin, like cutting up etc...

 

but if I aint in the mood? and I tell you as much? and you still persist?

I'll let you know about it.

it won't be pretty.

You'll cry lol.

Even after I told you not to mess with me I wasn't in the mood, you will still mess with me and then I'll speak up in no uncertain terms

and you'll cry...

 

and I'll just hold you and kiss you...

 

and then?

 

Well...

 

I think we know what happens.

I just...

I just wanna get back to thinking bout riding, waterfalls, nature walks, camping, fishing, kayaking, dates in Nashville, holding hands, going to shows, falling asleep in your arms in our hammock etc...

 

Fuck this nonsense.

First his mom, then Joe, then school, now this...

 

bout had enough.

 

I do look at that boot and smile though.

 

Rosanna Banana lol.

Nice pics.

Ireland.

:-).

I knew all along.

Don't tell Nicholas.

I'll just keep playing along.

I can tell he thinks it's funny y'all pulling one over on me.

 

It's good for him, he deserves it.

I got...

 

I got me a silver boot.

 

My life gonna be fine :-).

Pretty much...



John 13:34

 

John 13:34

Tired...

 

Tired of dealing with drama...It aint even my drama lol...Nich and school and Algebra? That's to be expected somewhat. The crap with his moma and this shit with Janet? It shouldn't have ever happened. Feel like I am doing nothing but going around and cleaning up other peoples messes...

 

It won't be happening much longer I assure you.

One way or another,

I will eliminate the sourse of the drama.

Problem solved.

 

 

email to mom:

 

A truck not starting is the least of her worries. I'm looking at it from a standpoint of saving her from the looming financial and emotional diasaster that is on the horizion. If she chooses not to be saved I have no choice but to walk away. I, nor Nicholas, will be around this. We've seen it enough. I think she will wake up. I know how it is. Takes a while to see the forest when you are in it.

She needs me around to prevent this type of thing from happening. I'll do my part. The rest is up to her.

 

Simple, calm, easy...

I may flip out getting to this point once I am here. Once I know in my heart whats going on? Once I have a plan of action and know how I am going to proceede?

I'm good at that point.

 

Promise.

Watch.

Romans 12:12.

 

Romans 12:12.

RUMI

You cannot learn about Love,
love appears on the wings of grace

Gotta get...

Love you.

Headin' to l-ville.

I got...

I got a God that looks after me...

and a silver boot...

That dropped out of no where...

what do I have to worry about?

Love you.

Night.

Psalm 34:7

Psalm 34:7 

His angel guards those who honor the Lord and rescues them from danger.

It's deep...

still snowing...

I don't know if I will make it to work or not.

Get it?

A snow flake?

It's snowing?

Nevermind...

If we...

I would be...

If we would ever go get them...

Well...

 

 

"Fuck your three.

It don't mean shit with what I got on my mind."

 

Well how the hell a boy supposed to know Lucy?

I did good to figure most of it out lol.

Most guys wouldn't have.

It's the truth.

Matthew 17:20.

Matthew 17:20.

Aint...

Aint that right dingleberry?

Hope you have...

a good Sunday that is.

Bout three to four inches of snow here. 

No school tomorrow. makes it easier for me getting to work.

Sorry bout all the drama.

It aint normally like this.

Being opposed by the evil one from all fronts.

Nichs mom. 

Then work.

Now Janet.

 I hope she sees the light.

Be easier on everybody.

If not? 

She was warned, her life.

We're movin on regardless.

Had to be purple right?

Like the bike also.

Not so much the skulls.

Love you.
Least I got that silver boot.
Eye on the prize honey-child.
I do mean honey-child.

Life is a cha-cha.
Sometimes gotta take a step back to take a step forward.

RUMI

Not only the thirsty seek the water,
the water as well seeks the thirsty.

Somethin...

Somethin like that...

Psalm 56:3

Psalm 56:3

Glad...

Glad I am not a Peyton Manning fan.

Bahahahahahahahaha

I can't...

I can't sit still.

Can't think.

I wanna just go grab Hubert by the hair of the head and drag him out in the street.

Piece of shit.

He almost pulled it off.

I'm just gonna tell Janet.

"Why you gotta take him to Shelbyville?"

"Why can't he drive himself?"

"Why can't his family feed the dogs?"

"Where did his new SUV go?"
"Why won't they help him move?"

"Trips to Shelbville are the tip of the ice berg, you got to let him go or you will be the one with a hot plate and no family. Watch."

"I'll get him out of here for you...gladly, with enthusiasm."

"I'm not gonna sit around here and watch everything you and dad ever worked for your whole lives be sold of piece by piece."

"He's healthy, he was supposed to be dying  few months ago."

I'm gonna make sure and get things worked out with James, went to call a minute ago but there is no signal here, snowing etc... but I'm gonna take her keys off my key ring, hold them right in front of her face and tell her. "Don't you ever question my honesty with you ever again. Ever. When I say the trucks radio didn't work when I got in the truck it means the radio didn't work, when I say the truck was fine when I pulled in the driveway, the truck was fine when I pulled in the drive way. If your not going to believe me when I tell you something when I am looking in your eyes, then you are giving me no choice but to discontinue this relationship. period. Forever. just like everybody else has with you. I will not tolerate this nonsense. Here are your keys if you want them back but when I walk out that door, don't ever call don't ever write, me or Nicholas ever again. That's where I am at. Where are you at? You wanna loose the only family you have left over somebody that's gonna bled you dry? I aint gonna sit around and watch. Don't ever call me and tell me I was right. I know I am, you do to. Your lonely, they see you comin, Hubert, Phillip, Bearnice...you given them thousands, bent over backwards for em...and the guy that's been here for 38 years with you? They guy that only wants 6-7 hours of sleep here 8x a month? That guy tells you the truth and he's the one you gonna get mad at?

"Hubert is the only one who had access to the truck after it was parked. I drive it. it benefits me. He don't. He's tryin to make me look bad. It's what they do, divide and conquer turn families against themselves. Don't fall for it. This old sick man scamming a elderly woman is as old as it comes. I can see 'em comin.been around them to long myself."

Something like that.

It's like going thorough the shit with his mom all over again only not so bad.

I literately can not breathe.

I do smile and relax however, when I see a nice lil silver boot though :-).

Small anxiety disorder"...Everst? anyone...

this is pretty big actually...

I will do whats right for my family, even if others can't or don't want to see it.

It's called...

Being

a

man...

Morming...

Morning Sunshine.

We should be in church together :-(.

Love you.

Maybe...

Maybe there was a reason the truck didn't start.

Love you.

Night.

I may...

I may not have a set of eyes I can look into and know everything is going to be okay but I gotta lil silver boot that tells me the same thing.

Love you.

Night.

Now you see?

There is a three that meant something. I am in tune with these things I can see it coming been around it long enough...start unraveling their shit and they run off to the next one...He was supposed to be dying, looks fine now, lost some weight...He seems spry and lively...

Just glad you agree. Like I said "There is a three that meant something."

on the money...

I'm on the money about Hubert.

I have absolutely no doubt.

It was the look in his eye talking bout the truck gave it away.

Good actually we'll get to the bottom of some things.

She's gonna loose everything if she messes up.

He's gonna get asked some hard questions.

the fun just continues...

If u sleep over at James place do you need a bed and linens. Could you keep some groceries around so you wouldn't have to eat out all time I'm thinking you would clean up after your self and James after himself. Are his life days same as you're so kids would not interfere the two of you would eat at home more than you and Janet. Don't cause hard feelings with James. That would be bad since you work together. I wish Janet better understood how important your rest is.I don't alter how Monday will allow u time to sleep. His neighbors,kids etc.should b willing to carry part of the load. Oh well, that's her problem. Take care of yourself first. Mom

Andrew Hollifield andrewhollifield@gmail.com	11:17 PM (1 minute ago)
to Norma

"His neighbors,kids etc.should b willing to carry part of the load" And if not? Then he is a problem. For all we know he could have ran battery down on the truck tryin to make me look bad. When he was asking questions about the truck he had the look of dollar signs in his eyes. I've seen that look, it was greed. It was scary. Evil. This aint good for her.

She was overdrawn last month. Im going to ask if she is paying his DR bills. Bet I know the answer already. First its the truck, then a TV. then some furniture. Im gonna work out something with James first and then tell her whats up. He was having her drive him to Shelbyville and back daily to feed the dog. He did it on purpose, she can't say no, he knows it. He knew she would get sick of it and want him to move in. Why couldn't he drive to Shelbyville and feed his dog? Manipulative. She hasn't learned a thing from Phillip or Bearnice. She is going to get burned again. Guy had a hot plate and no washer or dryer. He got him a sugar momma now.

I'll do my best to warn her. Hopefully she will listen. This could be disastrous for her.

Some Saturday...Tonights email chain.

It aint about the truck. It's about her not believing me when I tell her something.That's what I got a problem with.

I totally understand, and she needs to know that;  I can never talk
over here, he wants to know everything we discuss, so I try to stay
quiet and calm.  I wouldn't like it either.  If you don't let her
know, it will grind away at you, and you don't want that.  Sorry your
free afternoon was so hectic.  Was N o.k. when you picked him up?

I made no bake cookies, for you to have or take whichever the case.
Well, so much for being quiet, he came to me just now wanting to know
who you were mad at, what was said etc., said he heard every word.  I
then told him I feel like you, and when I tell him something, it makes
me mad when he gets on the phone and calls someone else to see what
was said.  Made it very clear to him, it's the same thing, and I don't
like it either.  My word should be sufficient.  Of course he
disagrees, says I'm think skinned.  etc. etc., life goes
on.......................  so many things I have to keep inside  me,
no wonder we pull

Haven't had a piece of pizza for so long, can't wait to bite into it.
Will be so yummy.

Love you bunches,  Mom

Oh she is going to know.

Calmly, but in no uncertain terms.

"When I tell you I didn't mess up the radio or the truck and that it was fine when I had it then it was fine". End of story. James always said I could stay there, talking to him to make sure just in case.

I can take showers at work in the fitness center. All I ever wanted was a place to lay my head for 6-7 hours and get some sleep.

Shes always been like this. Thinks she owns you cause she does something for you. It's why I don't ever ask her for shit, ever. It's not worth the hassle and the bitchin'. It just aint.

Hubert aint always going to be around, and not this summer but next Nich will probably be in JR College. She needs to really think about what she wants. Once Nich is gone? I got nothing to hold me back either. Maybe even before then if things fall in place just right, which it seems like they are.

I feel like my integrity and character have been attacked from somebody I am close too. I won't have it. I'll sleep at James if I have to and she can find somebody elses Saturday afternoon to ruin. Simple, easy, problem solved.

Al always takes this notion of "well you just have to take her shit" kind od thing. Not when you question what kind of man I am and what kind of character I have I don't. No sir. Never. I'll make other arrangements if I have to. Hopefully not.

I think she got the point when I fired back at her this afternoon. She knew she had screwed up and had said things in a manner she knew better than to have said. "Well I better get off here" she said. "Yeah sounds like a good idea".

I just won't take it, from her or anybody. If I said it was fine. it was fine, period.

The guy told her when the battery died last year that there was something wrong with the alarm system. I told her then to take it to Estcorn's and have it by-passed. She never drives it. It's gonna be that big of a deal to manually lock it up? She didn't wanna do it. I'm sure she has forgotten the conversation. Now it's all my fault.

It's bull shit.

She got this summer with Nicholas if she wants, or he is gone soon and she wont get to see him to much the next year and a half.

Tough. Our lives. Trying to get us both ahead of the curve ASAP any way I can. If all we try and do is please others all we do is end up miserable ourselves. Aint happening. lived that already.

It's just the cumulative affect of her crap, I've had enough. Luckily we can talk and things usually settle down.

"You didn't print that picture of Nich in his suit" "You didn't get the ink."

"Did you move his b-day card? I told you I hadn't put the check in it." "I didn't touch it, couldn't even tell you where it is."

Both of the above issues came through in text at work.

At work!

When I have the next round of work done on the truck I am taking it to Owensboro. It aint worth it. Acts like it's an ordeal to drive me five minutes down the road and drop me off. She got a lot in common with AL. All about power and control. "I did this so now you owe me." Screw that. You don't own this cat, never did never will...

I appreciate everything everybody has ever done for both of us but if somebody gonna act like I owe them or I am "beholden  to them?" nah...that shit aint happening. Ever.

She is just not used to it when somebody stands back up to her.

Thanks for listening.

love yall.

yes, pizza sounds great.

 Remember, Any time you need to leave the truck n Oboro you can always drive my car . I hope this won't be our lunch time topic tomorrow since you and I have discussed it. I get so tired of questions and should haves from third party.
Glad you vented. Get it out of your system. Wonder how Dad tolerated all this "garbage"' Guess she has decided to live with Hubert instead of getting married. Wonder how he is doing in reality?
I hope she will realize N is almost gone and she should spend whatever time she can with him. Don't think he will make a lot of special trips on his own to c her. Course he may not
come here either. Fore sure, he knows my doors are always open and he is welcome anytime as are you.
It will be ok. Address everything that is on your mind so the slate is clean. Luv u. Mom
..

I told her our gameplan about him starting college early. She didn't like that either. This was before everything with the truck.

Like she is even around enough to have some input? Give me a break. She wanted me to keep satalite for "when I visit" she said...she been here two or three times since.

Im gonna wanna have a meeting with her and Hubert. All I want is a place to sleep six seven hours. That was what the deal was to start with. I am going to look her straight in the eye and tell her "When I tell you the radio was broke when I got in the truck, it was broke (trip to hospital Joanna etc). When I look you in the eye and tell you the truck was fine when I had it, the truck was fine when I had it, period and I don't ever wanna hear about it again."

It's questioning a persons manhood. Thats besides the fact that IT DOESN'T MAKE A LICK OF SENSE!

She wants me to help move Hubert from Shelbyville. Next weekend. Working midnights. She is just utterly clueless. I don't mind to help. Im gonna text tomorrow and tell her I can be there Monday AM and take my truck and hers if she wants. I would rather do it this way than in the middle of working a weekend. She won't want to. Then she will complain I didn't help her after I had offered.

Hubert was asking all kinds of questions about the truck, how did it run, what about the transmission...almost like he was wanting to sell it...He's got Dr. bills. He was a farmer. He is very charming. Janet was miked by Bernice (cleaning lady) and Phillip (nephew). I'd hate to see it happen again. She said her account was overdrawn last month. Well you know what? Quit doing your hair every other week and quit having the dogs groomed. I mean where does the money go? No house payment, no car payment, her retirement, half of dads...Something aint adding up. She has talked about selling the truck in the past. If she sells it cause she wants to that's one thing but if she sells it cause he wants the cash for DR bills? Big red flag. Shes lonely, always been lonely. This is what they do, they wait, then they get you sucked in, then they turn people against one another, makes it look like everyone else has the problem. And why can't Hubert's family move him? He got a big family. Farmers, country people, surely one of them has a truck and aren't working Saturday. Why is it the guy that is working midnights that lives 90 miles away gotta be the one to move him? I mean seriously, did he even ask any of his people if they could help? Why not? Another red flag. I'm telling you I can sniff them out anymore. I aint sayin he is, but I am sayin I will find out and I will make her ask herself some questions she aint been wanting to ask herself.

Yeah...I got some questions for Janet, things she needs to think about.

Me and Nicholas the only family she got.

God help her if she looses us over him.


ME to you now dingleberry...
Did I mention I was ready for a new life? One with a pretty lil wife? Ready for some new scenery? A new job? A new lifestyle? I've had enough of this bull shit. Were ready to roll. Say the word. Evil one just never gives up ever does he? Comes at you from unsuspecting quarters...tough for him. We moving on...soon...everybody gonna be upset cause were doing whats best for us?..Well they can get the fuck over it. They lived their lives. Out turn to do so, our way. Mom and Al be okay. I won't be no further away from mom than John is from Al. Janet's gonna get screwed hard if she is not careful. I'll ask Hubert about asking his family to help him move...it will tell me everything I need to know...

Some Saturday...

Okay...

You can have me then...

I couldn't tell you...

I couldn't tell you the last time I took half a clonopin.

.5 milligram.

It's a ton for me.

Nich saw what it did.

Literally did not hear the phone right next to me.

Twice.

Did I mention I just want to be able to look in someboys eyes and know it's all going to be okay?

That it's always all going to be okay?

Love you.

It...

It aint about the truck.

It's about her not believing me when I tell her something.

That's what I got a problem with.

Janet...

Janet text.

Said her truck wouldn't start.

The one she let me borrow for two weeks.

I had to have it jumped that one Sunday but I drove it for 11 days after that and it did just fine.

She said they couldn't get the hood open to get it jump started.

She pretty much did everything but tell me I had purposely sabotaged the truck once I had put it in her driveway.

This is what she does.

It's why her brothers don't talk to her.

It's why everyone who comes to the house to do work wants to charge her 3x as much as they would anybody else.

Cause they can tell she is a royal pain in the ass and won't be happy with anything.

They figure "Hey, I don't really wanna do this, but if I do, I might as well make some bank."

Don't ever insinuate a grown ass man is lying and not expect some push back.

As soon as I got her text    I called her house phone, no answer, called cell phone, no answer, text her back, lil while later she calls "Did you get my message? The truck won't start." "Yes I got it did you get mine?" "No." "What on earth do you think Janet? I use that truck more than anyone. Do you honestly think I would pull it in your driveway and then do something to it so it wouldn't work? I need it more than anyone else does." Not...what she expected to hear. "Well I certainly hope not" she says all condescending like. I honestly can't believe she actually said that lol...."I better go" she says..."Yeah that sounds like a good idea" I said back.

We had problems with it last year.

The guy told her there was something wrong with the alarm system.

It goes off all the time weather it's on or off.

Nicholas can vouch.

I told her then "I'd have the alarm system disabled if I was you and just lock the doors manually."

She didn't want to. 

Now she won't remember the conversation.

When I used it to go to Owensboro when the shit with Nicholas and Joanna blew up the radio wouldn't work. 

Just got in it and it didn't work. 

To this day she thinks I did something to that radio.

She's paranoid.

Why? Why on earth would I break a radio when I have a 90 mile trip ahead of me? Does that make any sense at all?

I was so mad today. You don't even know.

Feel like my character was under attack.

Fuck that.

I'll fight back every time.

Shes like Al, she aint used to somebody standing up to her.

Tough shit.

I took a half a clonopan.

Knocked my ass out.

Nich text twice for me to come get him.

Didn't hear the phone either time although it was right beside me.

He got a ride with his buddy's mom.

So what do I wake up to?

"Thanks for coming and getting me!"

lol See why I hate chemicals?

This was supposed to be my 4 or 5 hours with nothing going on on a Saturday afternoon.

Yeah...turned out great...

Oh well

Janet always gets over her bullshit...

eventually anyway...

and if it's the worst thing that happened? 

It was a really really good day...

People shouldn't ever insinuate someone is a liar and then think they are not going to defend themselves.

It's her truck.

She was told there was a problem with the alarm system.

She willfully choose to do nothing about it.

Now it's my fault?

I aint ever touching that truck again.

I'll get a rental car if i have too.

It aint worth this kinda bull shit. 

I hope she sells it honestly.

I don't ever even wanna look at it again.

Fuck that.

Me and Nich gonna be gone soon.

Hubert aint always gonna be around.

She's gonna be by herself.

It's cause she acts like this.

She don't see it.

She wouldn't ever leave dad alone.

Always on him about nothing, stupid lil shit, all the damn time.

Never a moments rest for the man.

Put him in the grave early.

I've always maintained that.

Always.

Ask mom, she agrees.

Not me.

I'll stand up to her.

James already told me I can sleep at his place if need be.

He's on days when I am on nights.

I would be gone when he gets his kids.

Perfect.

If need be.

Hopefully not.

Sorry for the rant.

Still trying to calm down.

Love you.

Just want some peace, somewhere sometime...

It seems so elusive at times...

:-)

"I'll never be...

"...I'll never be your beast of burden
My back is broad but it's a hurting
All I want is for you to make love to me
I'll never be your beast of burden
I've walked for miles my feet are hurting
All I want is for you to make love to me
Am I hard enough?
Am I rough enough?
Am I rich enough?
I'm not too blind to see
I'll never be your beast of burden..."

Morning Beautiful.

Five hours sleep.

Up three times through the night.

Sucked.

Made him eggs, toast, hash browns and bacon for breakfast.

Took him to the bus at school at 7:30.

He said the science teacher wants him to take two AP science classes next year :-).

Went to store.

Got onion, celery and carrots.

All in the crock pot with a chicken.

I'm gonna turn it into chix noodle soup.

Got corn and mashed potatoes for him with the chicken for dinner.

I'll have the soup :-).

Single dads lol, we get more done before 8:30 AM than most people do all day.

Was gonna put the six shingles back on the roof the wind blew off the other day and go riding.

Too damp for either.

Warm enough.

Just don't feel like getting wet on the roof or having to clean bike after riding it.

If it was dry?

Yeah...

we'd do both.

Promise.

Love you Virgie.

Night...

Love you...