"Get

in my DM" she says.

"It never happens though."

Kinda like something else that never seems to happen, like oh, I don't know, us? 

Lets review, shall we?

You want me to direct message you in an app? on a PC? without a smart phone? and no Internet?

Well?

Know what? 

I tried.

Turns out you can install an emulator on a PC that makes the app think it's running on a phone.

Only problem?

Can't install .exe files on the library's machines and Nich's 10 year old netbook can't run the emulator so?

You're SOL.

Sorry sweetie, I tried, just like always.