"Eat my lunch",
you're wandering around the restaurant in circles lost apparently.
You can't even find your way to the table.
I'm gonna go watch Sons with Christen.
Your screwin up.
Peace.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Nich...
Nich hit it on the head.
"It wouldn't be like this if she was here."
I just looked at him like "Ya, think?"
Told ya he gets the whole picture.
I want...
I want to be this guy.
The guy in the picture.
Pushing the wheelchair.
Thats who I want to be.
More than anything in this world.
For you.
Because it's who I know I am.
But ya gotta let me be him.
You just gotta sweetheart...
It breaks my heart.
Your not here.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
I was like...
I couldn't believe you were into me.
I really just couldn't believe it given I knew exactly what I wanted and you just showed up one day.
"You don't know how perfectly you are designed" indeed.
I told James "She is single!"
"She told you that?"
"She don't have a ring."
"She don't have kids."
"How you know?"
"People with kids talk about them within the first five minuets you meet them."
"Dude, you gotta help me. I can't fuck this up."
He just laughed.
I had to have you.
I just wasn't going to let you walk away.
Not without doing everything I could or thought I should.
Lil Miss Bad Mama Jama...
Love you.
Peace.
Love you
It's either the modems going bad or the storms all over the country, hard to tell.
Love you.
Sweet dreams beautiful.
Internet...
Internet is jacked...
Weather and ATT just don't get a long around here.
Going to bed. Love you...
You should be with us...
90 miles home in the wet and some rain...
Man among men?
Yeah, you can say that...
Talk talk talk all I ever get out of you Lucy, come on now girl...
Give me some more lol.
You're awesome, don't ever forget it...
Hell I won't ever let ya...
Think I would want to be with you if you weren't?
Think about it...
Peace.
Uh yeah...
"Uh yeah, if you could send a picture of that pink g-string, that be nice"
That's my Lumberg impression...from Office Space?
Have I..
Have I been pretty much on the money bout things between us or what? I mean I haven't ever been really way off base have I?
I knew when I told you I had a lil farm house out in the country your interest was piqued.
I could just tell.
I was like "Well that's different, most women would want some mansion somewhere."
And when you said what you did about the truck having "character" (Of course it does, look at the owner lol).
And your comment about "Didn't you say you would put a new engine in it and keep it?"
I knew we were on the same wavelength right then.
When we went for a walk and I was limping cause my knee was still swollen and I told you I had recently had an accident and you asked "What kind of accident?".
I knew right then you had already seen the pictures of the wreck on the blog.
So my point is lil miss thang...
You don't fool me.
Bahahahahahaha
Don't I just drive you crazy?
Serves you right.
It's what you do to me lol.
In a very very good way.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
I am...
I am so glad you are open minded and willing to be adventerous sweetheart, means we will always be having some fun. Isn't that how life is supposed to be?
Silly...
How ya sleepin'?
Wat ya thinkin bout?
Like I don't know.
Woman please...you can't wait.
You haven't ever and you will never fool me.
I told you a long time ago what my daddy told me:
"It aint braggin if you can back it up"
Bahahahahaha.
Bring it, bring that A+++ game of yours.
You gonna need it.
"How many ways or times do I have to tell you I'M NOT INTERESTED!"
I knew that was a croc of shit.
Can't hide a smile on your face and a gleam in your eyes sweetheart.
Don't matter how hard you try.
You would have just left.
Silly girl...
Wooden...
Leather belt?
Wooden spoon?
Ping pong paddle?
Pick your poison, don't really matter to me.
Bahahahahahaha.
There...
There we go...didn't come through I don't think...and it should be you, not some cartoonish character of a woman.
Calling...
Calling it a night early tonight sweetheart.
Please make me the happiest guy in the world soon.
Love you.
Maybe...
Maybe if the google translation service worked better I could understand some of those comments but honestly, I am lost.
Do...
Do you think I'll ever stop being like this with you?
I've told you before.
You will be at work and you'll get stuff like this from me all the time.
You'll get naughty lil notes in yahoo as well sense that's where you seem to like them from lol.
I told you very early on I know how to keep a good one.
By doing the things that got her in the first place.
I'll never stop.
Not out of some sense of obligation or fear of how you might react if I did, but because this is who I am, who I have willingly chossen to be, who I want to be, for you, for me, for all of us.
It just comes easy and natural.
Like its what I should be doing.
It's always been like that.
I just don't see it ever stopping.
By this point...I don't see how you could ever see it stopping either.
I can't wait to spend my life with you Lucy.
I...
I love you.
I just get tired of wasting time not being together.
I want us in each others lives as much as we possibly can be.
It hurts not being with who I know I am supposed to be with.
What I wouldn't give or do to be riding home to you and Nicholas in the AM.
Nothing in the world could make me any happier.
Rumi
"When you lose all sense of self the bonds of a thousand chains will vanish. Lose yourself completely, return to the root of the root of your own soul."
They...
"...They are one person
They are two alone
They are three together
They are for each other..."
They are two alone
They are three together
They are for each other..."
I haven't heard this song in well over 20+ years. I haven't so much as thought about Crosby Stills Nash and Young except for the song Suite Judy Blue eyes a while back. I get up and go to brush my teeth and start my day and this just pops in my head out of nowhere? Usually there is come kind of trigger, a song, a riff, a lyric or a group that reminds me of another song, another lyric or another group and then things pop in my head. Not today. Out of nowhere, this...hits me like a ton of bricks.
It's how I know you're my muse and things are being directed by a power not of this realm. People can call me crazy, I don't really give a shit, some always have, some always will, but I know what's up, I don't fight it, I don't run from it, I accept it and I run toward it. You can cry now.
Love ya Lucy.
Peace.
I had...
I had a long talk with Nicholas last night. I told him the only thing that never changes in this life is that...well, things change. I told him "She's coming, and I have the right to be happy for the rest of my life. You'll be gone in a few years then what? I get to sit around here by myself after Granny and Grandpa have passed on wishing you could come home for Christmas? If that's my fate, that's fine, I'll accept it. But it ain't happening from what I can see. When I was your age or a lil older me and Grandma Janet didn't really get along all that well. Every once in a while Grandpa Chuck would ask me what I thought about her (Janet). I would always tell him the same thing, because it was true, not because it was what he wanted to hear, I would tell him, 'She takes care of you, you're happy, that's all that really matters to me and besides, you're the one that has to live with her', he would just smile and we would move on to something else."
I sent Nicholas an e-mail today and told him to always remember that story, because it's the right way to be. Told him change is the only constant in life and to think about that paradox for a minute...almost like someone designed it that way huh Lucy? Told him that putting himself between me and you is not in anybody's best interest in the least of all his. Told him he would be better off (as would I, and you) emotionally and financially with you in our lives and us in yours. He gets it. He knows he gone in a few years and I don't ever want to move again if I can avoid it. I think we will :-). Avoid it that is lol. I told him I would work in Louisville or Evansville if I had to but I was living in that house. I said "Look, at Dave and Laura and how they live, we will probably have about as much income as they do, but without the big house and all the new cars and all the buy, buy, buy, go, go, go, do, do, do of rampant commercialism (It's the rasta coming out of me, that or granny lol). I said Nicholas "We think alike, sure we will go do things, but we don't want that big house, we want this one paid for, with a lil garden and solar panels and just live out here in peace and quiet. Imagine Dave and Laura's income without nearly as many bills." And don't take that wrong, I love Dave, he's my brotha, Laura and me do a lot better than we used to lol, but I know if it were all up to him they wouldn't be living the way they are. All of that keeping up with the Jones and such. Kind of funny really, Dave on one end of the spectrum, Christian on the other and I am right smack dab in the middle lol. Anyway, lol, my point was he knows now what kind of life I am trying to build for us, for all of us, at least for a while, till he is gone.
He is a smart boy, he will be more cooperative of you than he will be with me lol. Just the way it is. My point is, for the first time I honestly think he gets it, he understands where this is headed and all the other reasons for it, not just the chemistry, love, sexual attraction, fate etc...
FYI. Al...god bless him, the man has been a second father for me. Sometimes Al didn't want to let me and mom talk without him present and we would have to come up with ways to get around this. A trip to Wal-Mart anyone? Anyway, it's not like this hardly at all anymore, but Al would feel left out or like we were talking about him or something. Al's issues, not ours. It wasn't ever the case, I just normally, not always, but most times, felt more comfortable talking about things with mom. What I am trying to say is, if this is the situation you find yourself in with me and Nicholas you've just got to learn not to take offense, there's nothing going on behind your back. It's just a boy wanting to talk to his dad, just like I wanted to talk to my mom. Step-parent dilemma I suppose. Nich's pretty free and open, I suspect he will come to you about a lot more things than you would think he would. Be ready, be ready for anything lol. Know those logical fallacies, he'll use them on ya, lol.
You sure you're ready?
You can keep running if you want to you know?
Love you Lucy, things will be just fine.
Peace
Monday, October 28, 2013
I say...
I say we get a room/area of the homestead how we want it...then next take a lil weekend getaway...work on a room...have a lil weekend get away...This way we are getting the house done as well as having our lil adventures. Don't just wanna work on the house, all work and no play etc...Don't just wanna be takin' trips and ignoring the house, that doesn't seem responsible. This way we can be making progress on our home, feeling good about what direction we are heading and having some fun as well...I feel as though Nich should come along sometimes, but I have already told him there will be times when it will be me and you only and he needs to wrap his head around that fact pretty quick.
Just a thought.
Okay...
Okay then lol:-). I mean what you see is what you get lol.
You said don't hold back, god wants us to be with someone whom we can truely be ourselves with, I've really tried to let you see how I am, I'm all yours dollbaby, have been for a while now..
Love ya girl.
You sure...
You sure you can handle me? lol.
I can be the sweetest most romantic guy in the world and then later in the same day be the biggest pervert you ever saw lol. You sure you're down with that? Cause it's me, I've let you see that it's me...Can't be nobody else but me Lucy, it's just how I am.
You're sure?
I'll...
I'll love you true. I'll love you like I want to be loved in return Lucy. I'll help you achieve your dreams. I'll encourage and support and do anything I can that is going to make us a better team. I'm not a jealous kind of guy, I trust because I want to be trusted back, I'm not controlling cause I don't want to be controlled. I know where I want to be sleeping and in whoose bed I want to be crawling in beside. I want you to feel the same. If you are a secure person theres no need for jealousy or controlling behaviors, that doesn't let love be free and flourish, that suffocates it...I want you to be you, that woman you've always held back inside and I want you, to want me to be me as well...we do that?...
We're good always...
Promise.
I've been ...
I've been honest, I've told you all along how I felt and what I believe was happening here between us. I haven't held back at all. You haven't seemed to mind. I feel like you got a whole lot of exploring and adventure taking built up inside you that you wanna release. I'm just the guy to get it out of you sweetheart...
In every way you can imagine...
Just let me...
You won't regret it I promise.
"I want a woman that has touched my soul so much that I will freely go above and beyond anything I could have ever dreamt of doing in order to show her how much she means to me and enjoy the journey doing so. I want that woman who is so beautiful most men wouldn’t even have the courage of walking up to her and starting a conversation. The greatest thing? She doesn’t have the slightest clue this is how the majority of men perceive her. I want that woman I feel like I was put on this earth to be a good husband for, someone that I know we are going to have a life and a love like few others will ever be fortunate enough to experience. Will it be easy? Of course not, nothing worth it ever is. But this is my dream; this is what I will work hard every day the rest of my life for because I want YOU, all day, every day, the rest of days...peace."
I've ...
I've told you I don't have a lot of money. We have a good time, we get by, not much else lol. I've got 3.5 - 5 years left with the boy, I want them to be good ones. I've told you the house needs work. You understand all this? You're ready to take all this on? I think there is nothing in the world that can hold us down but that's just me. You're sure? Run away now and don't ever look back and I would understand.
Or better yet, tell me to come marry you tomorrow and I'll be there...Promise, I'll be there...
You're beautiful, amazing, you just blow me away...
I've know I want to be with you for a long time now...
You're sure Lucy? Marry? Move? Be a step-mom for a off the wall intelligent 14 year old boy? This is the life you want?
It wont be long, or take that much time and the house can be like we want it and Nich will be off to see the world...
You're sure? As sure as I have always been? Could you be the one behind me, pushing me in that wheelchair? Does this love mean as much to you as it does to me? You're sure?
Cause I can't wait...
What did you do this past weekend Andrew? "I got married to the baddest mama jama on the planet, I'm still catchin my breath..."
People gonna flip.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
Love you.
Peace.
Doin...
Doing what I can for him to have as happy a life as possible.
Having you as my wife.
It's all that matters to me.
Its all I ask for.
I do not desire nor do I need anything else.
I love you Lucy.
I knew you were exactly what I had been asking for.
Even more so.
More than I had ever dreamed.
How is that even possible?
If it weren't for god above?
Every...
Every last drop of you...
Thats what I want...
All over me...
Over and over and over...
I will want you two or three times a day.
Haven't you waited long enough for me?
Don't you want a life together Lucy?
Come get it then...
Peace.
One...
One more time...
Back to bed for me.
Ridin in to work later.
Give a boy somethin would ya?
Peace...
Mornin'
Mornin' Sunshine.
Some of the kids in the band told Nich I was "kinda cool".
I thought...
wait till they see us together.
Love you.
Knucklehead.
Married...
"...Married late fall
small civil ceremony..."
Late fall is fast approaching.
How many times you gonna break a boys heart?
I...
I've finally had two hours to myself.
Been busy, physically, mentally and emotionally.
Things are fine here with both of us.
Wasn't that bad actually. He disappointed me with the calculator more than anything.
I'm over it.
Told him I wasn't happy about it, but if I just had to eat it then that's what I would do.
In the past I would have been mad for a month.
Doesn't do anybody any good lol.
I should never complain about people wanting me in their lives,
Could have stayed at moms longer.
Hate it when I miss church even thought I knew I needed the rest.
Means I go a month without seeing Alan. Hate it.
Dozed off for a few round nine.
Went and watched some Boardwalk Empire with Christian.
If I hadn't told him I would earlier today I wouldn't have.
He's lonely.
He won't ever say it but I know it.
Least I could do is spend a couple of hours with him.
You'll probably get 10 pages worth of stuff tomorrow. lol
Relax.
Were going to do this and it's all going to be okay.
I know it is.
Promise.
Sweet Dreams Beautiful.
Love you.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Home...
Like you aint gonna be with me under that blanket in that stadium arms locked just like I was sayin, drinkin hot chocolate and what not next year.
Phone will be charged in a bit if ya wanna give a boy a thrill.
Just sayin.
Night.
Love you Knucklehead...
Friday, October 25, 2013
Busy day...
Busy and long ass day tomorrow,
Crawling in bed.
You should be here.
Love you dingleberry.
Night.
I got...
"...I got to keep movin',
Never gonna slow down.
You can have your funky world,
See ya 'round.
I got to ramble..."
Never gonna slow down.
You can have your funky world,
See ya 'round.
I got to ramble..."
Morning ...
Morning Sunshine.
Slept really good.
Feelin rested.
Gonna need it the next 36 hours.
Al shared stuff about building fire pits in the yard to my FB timeline.
Please.
Love you.
She...
She better be manicured and monogrammed just like I said.
Or I will get up, put on my clothes and just leave.
Never to be seen or heard from again.
I assure you I am not kidding in the least.
I DO NOT fuck around.
Just in case you haven't noticed.
"Eat my lunch".
Woman please.
This the big time.
It's where big boys play.
You been playin with kids.
It shows.
I know a bunch of guys in their mid-thirties.
Most of them have the maturity of sixteen year olds when I was growing up.
I do not need, nor do I desire any shit in my life.
I done had enough of that.
You're out of your league.
You don't know what your messin' with.
You act like you don't respect or appreciate what being offered in the least.
Just like all the others.
They all came back.
Every last one.
They found out too late they done had their chance.
I've given you more than enough.
Your bout to blow it.
Get your head
out of that pretty lil ass of yours.
Be pissed.
It won't be the last time.
This I can assure you.
Enough.
A boy ...
A boy gets tired Lucy...
and where did my mom get that pamplet on "God's Healing" anyway?
She didn't get it at our church.
I smell that rat again...
Love you
Thursday, October 24, 2013
A dream...
“A dream you dream alone is only a dream.
A dream you dream together is reality.” ―John Lennon
Night...
Sweet Dreams Lucy.
Get some rest.
Love you.
It has to be purple didn't it?
Oh, oops...my bad, it is Friday.
Oh well
Night sweetheart.
When...
"When your path is laid out in front of you, it's not your path."
I was shown a life we could have.
It wasn't me.
I'm not that couragous.
I'm just doing what I was told to do.
I see our home.
I see the rooms remodeled.
I see our bedroom, yellow and trimmed in blues and green's.
I see that garden.
I see us planting fruit trees next spring.
I see our lives.
I see us taking trips.
Kayaks.
Fishing.
Simple things.
I see...I see...I see...
All because it's not me leading the way Lucy...
Dude it's her....
I remember in the POF days and I would tell James, "Dude it's every day, 5,6,7,8, 9+ profiles a day!" and he would be like "You don't know it's her!" He would be very emphatic, he was going through his divorce and hearing about women just wasn't really what he wanted to hear. I would say "Yes, I do know it's her, I can tell, there are just little subtle clues about things that give her away, like she wants me to know it's her and follow along." "Well why would she do something like that?" "I don't know, cause she is intelligent and creative maybe? I really don't know, Why should I even care why she is doing it? The fact is, she is and its a lot of time and effort to put into it." "Well that doesn't make any sense." "Makes sense to me. Isn't that's all that really matters?" "Well that's just crazy, I mean that's just really really weird." "Dude...you know me, I'm really really weird, it's perfect." "I don't know man I just wouldn't do it." "Exactly, you wouldn't, 99.9% of most guys wouldn't, this is how you set yourself apart, this is how you get the one you want, you play her silly little games and if you ending up being a fool who cares? You gotta take the risk and show them you don't mind being tested, you expect it, you'll play their silly lil games for a year, two, however long you want, but if in the end it will get you a lifetime of happiness and contentment wasn't that worth it? We both know good woman are really hard to find. And look, if she wasn't into me that much she wouldn't be testing me to see if I'll play along. Look, I got absolutely nothing to loose and everything to gain, if I fall on my face, so what? I'll always remember the journey, but I'm telling you she's doing it cause she thinks I'm the one, I can't explain it, I just understand whats going on and I'm going to play along."
Paraphrased, but the point is still the same.
I wonder what my buddy James thinks nowdays? I don't talk to him about it, no need to, I can see it in his eyes (like the other day when we were in Yahoo and he was here)...He knows...I hope he holds out for someone spectacular as well. Good guys with high character, integrity and who are funny as shit are hard to find, he deserves the best, I think he is on the right path and will find what his heart wants someday...
People are seeing the changes I've made in my life (mucho help from above thank you so much), they know my faith is strong and they are thinking "Maybe he's on to something, I mean if he can do it, so can I". I can see it in the looks in their eyes. I am about ready to go talk to Bro Bill about it. I pray everyday that I continue to be used so that others can see a light and a peace and a contentment within me that they can search for and find for themselves. Because it's in all of us, it really is, we just have to be the ones to go find it.
It's awesome...I just want to continue to grow...and I want you to do so as well, right along with me Lucy.
"Whatdoyasay I say?"
I'd give...
I'd give them to you if you would only let me...
I guess I just did in an electronic, digital kind of way...just not as fun as in person sweetie.
It just...
It just keeps rolling through my head...
"He wants to dream like a young man
with the wisdom of an old man
He wants his home and security
he wants to live like a sailor at sea..."
We...
We gonna just keep 1+ing post and leaving comments and hanging out in Yahoo?
Or do I get the real live in the flesh you someday soon?
Makes a boy wonder sweetheart...
17 hours we all could have all been together Saturday sweetheart.
Tired of you not being with us.
Why...
Why dream a little dream Lucy?
Why not dream the biggest dream you can?
What's the point in dreaming?
If it's not more than everything you ever could have ever imagined?
Love you.
People are already jealous...
Man among men?
Yeah, you can say that...
Peace
We gonna...
We gonna have so much fun together...
All of us...
Wat we waitin' on?
You could have hung out with me, Nich and and 68 other high school kids for 17 hours this Saturday, riding a school bus no less...
Goofy...
I know you're up...
Goofy goober lol...
You ...
Don't...
Fool...
Me...
Never have...
Never Will...
Bahahahahahahaha
Well...
Well come on then...
If you only knew how badly I wish you were at our home when I work off iin the mornings...
Are...
Are you just dying to show me how awesome you really are?
I mean can you just not wait?
You're driving me crazier than I already am! lol
Crazy about you that is.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
The cave...
"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek."
Well it did anyway lol.
I believe you are past this point now.
I believe you are brave, courageous, strong, independant, beautiful, amazing, juicy, delicious, lots of other things as well...
It's why I want us to be husband and wife...
Ride around in that old Nissan lol...
Lots of other things too...
Love you dingleberry.
I'll believe...
I'll believe it when I see it...
You'll be all giddy and happy and crying.
I will probably just faint.
You'll be trying to revive me saying "What did I do wrong? Whats wrong? Drewski?..."
Aint nuthin wrong sweetie.
Can't a fella just be in a state of shock every once in a while?
Back...
Back to our originaly scheduled programming...
When ya comin Lucy?
Don't wanna be without ya much longer sweetheart
Hurts my soul...
Okay...
Okay now my crazy dreams...
I came to work and had to go to the fifth floor over in the tower. I don't work there but in my dream this is where my cubical and laptop were. So I go there to go to work, only thing is I am wearing the rattiest jeans I have. Seriously, I wouldn't think about putting these on without long john's on underneath them lol. So I show up and my laptop is not at my cubical and I walk in to see my boss (not Shayne my supervisor when you were here) who I have only seen like 5 or six times in over a year and a half. So she says, "Oh, we moved it, it's over there, here, walk with him, he will show you." She points me to some guy and he says "Come on I'll show you." I start walking with him and I ask him "So, whats your name?" and he says "Don't you know who is in charge of security where you work?" I said "Oh, no..." and then I woke up...lol
I was back down a few minutes latter and I was back in the same dream, I don't know that I have ever had that happen, but here I was still at work, at Kindred. Somebody ask me to go check out (as in check out from the library) the digitally remastered Rolling Stones "Let it Bleed" box set. I just went right to the desk and asked them for it and sure enough they had it all four Cd's DVD, liner notes, the whole package! I am at Kindred! I was like, yep, that's what I was asked to get, thanks. Seriously I was standing at a desk where people would come and check things out. Then I saw Mick Jagger's scarf and top hat lol. I kid you not. "Hey, can I check these out as well? Oh and the cane, I want the cane too" "Sure" she said and completed the process and I walked out the door to the lobby with the box set in my arm, and wearing the scarf and the top hat and strutting my shit walking with the cane, flashed a deuce at all the guys from the NOC that were standing there in the lobby and then woke up...
Crazy
crazy as I can ever remember crazy...
I don't know where the cane came from (there's not one really).
My life lol...
Love you.
Peace...
Where ever could...
I talked with my attorney (Carol) on the way up here. She had just recently been in contact with Joanna's attorney who had recently had surgery. That is why I hadn't heard from Carol since the day I went to the dump.
The long and short of the story is Joanna is willing to sign over her parental rights if I forgive the past due child support ($750). It's a deal. Joanna gets stuck with the ER Bill :-). She should. She caused the mess to start with. No way I was ever going to pay a penny of the $1400 bill she racked up due to her own bull shit. I get to claim him on taxes for this year (which was to be her year to do so) as well. If she is no longer his parent she can no longer claim him on taxes :-). This is huge. In the past, years that I haven't been able to claim him have been a struggle. This is really good news for us :-). It's a good deal for Joanna as well, except that she looses her son. She was never a mother anyway. Lots of women give birth, doesn't make you a mom. Anyway, I understand her choice of paying (or not paying, her choice) the hospital bill that is just going to further damage her bad credit and to get rid of the bill that could potentially make her a convicted felon (the past due child support). It's understandable, cause it is exactly the direction I was going next until I spoke with Carol today.
Carol said not to say a thing to Nicholas. She doesn't want to get his hopes up and then have Joanna back out at the last minute. It's understandable. I told Carol that I had learned in the past that these things take time. Papers have to be drawn up, I have to sign, she has to sign, judge has to sign, all before my copy comes back to me. Anyway I told her that until my copy was with me, in my safe, in my house, I wouldn't say a thing. Carol understands this needs to be done before the end of the year.
Joanna had one condition, that she could write Nicholas a letter. I told her no, no way. Carol explained that the letter would come to her and that her and Nicholas attorney would sit down and explain things to him. I said as long as he is not forced to open an envelope and read what she has to say and you guys could just paraphrase whats said then I'm good. Carol explained that someone besides myself needed to explain thing to Nicholas. I said that's fine, I get that. She also said she really liked him a lot, that he was a lil twisted but not so much that he wasn't real likable and that all the really great people are a lil twisted anyway lol. Yep. lol.
It's a really really good day...we aren't there yet, but we are close, real, real close
Now, if I could just find a self-sufficient, professional, off the charts intelligent, beautiful woman to be my wife, and finally turn our house into a home, make it her own, such that it is a refuge from the world and add character and integrity to our lives instead of bringing drama,chaos and bull shit to it...
Where ever could she be Lucy?
I'm here...
Busy...still gettin set up for my shift.
Talked to my attourney on the ride up.
Good news.
I'll explain in a few when I have more time Lucy.
Many...
Just woke up.
More bad dreams...usually don't have them...
"Many people will fight you down, when you see,
when you see Jah light
let me tell you if your not wrong
then everything is alright.
everything is alright..."
James...
James shared a post on my FB page about fancy-smancy pens he saw at Comic-Con?
Shortly after I tell you about a Brazilian Blue Wood Pen I have?
Funny, he never said nuthin bout no pens he saw after he got back from his trip...
I smell that rat again Lucy...
Back to bed so I can get up...
My life lol
See why I say we try and have three or four things a year to look forward to? lol
Love you.
Tired of waking up wo you...
sucks...
Peace.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
I see...
I see us...
old and driving around in my Nissan pick up...
your hair is long and silver like that pic in POF...
I'm bald (obviously lol) big grey handlebar mustache...
were running errands around the area...
having date night at McDonald's lol...
and everybody just looks at us...
and they know...
just by looking...
we are...
One soul...
in two bodies...
it will be that obvious...
it will only take people a glance
to see truth...
Love you...
I want...
I want you here...
I get tired of it...
Needs to happen.
This year sweetheart.
Before Winter, just like I said...
Monograms and all.
Peace.
Tired...
Told Christian last night I had made some vegetable soup and that he could have some when he got of work if he wanted. He said his mom had made some but that I could come back for a bit if I wanted. The guy literaly works and takes care of a three year old and a one year old and that's it. I can understand his need for adult company besides his dad. Been there done that kind of thing lol. Anyway, ended up hanging out with him and watched an episode of Boardwalk Empire. Then came home and went to bed. Well, after talking all dirty to someone anyway lol.
Woke up at 6:45, made eggs, bacon and sausage for breakfast. Took him to school, came home and just took some time to chill, played around on FB, listened to music etc...
Turns out I had our dentist appointments all screwed up. I had put them on the calendar for Monday, thought they were on Tuesday and it turns out they were actually for tomorrow. Well I can't go tomorrow and I am not making two separate trips to Oboro for each of us so I rescheduled them for the 31st, (my second day off that particular stretch). Hopefully I'll keep it straight this time lol.
Laid down around 11:30, couldn't sleep, had somebody on my mind, just like I always do (you'll never guess who it is lol) finally dozed off and then got up at 2. Went to the bank, went to the post office, went to the dollar store in Lewisport (we should own stock in Axe body wash btw), went to IGA and exchanged propane tanks, came home, hooked up tank, had a half hour to goof off, went and got him from band practice, went to the dollar store in Hawesville (They had Decon, the Dollar Store in Lewisport was out0, we had a mouse problem last year so I am trying to be a lil more proactive this time around, went to the grocery store got stuff for dinner, came home cooked a full baked chicken, mashed potatoes, corn and dinner rolls, cleaned up kitchen, organized the Tupperware Cabinet, got the check book caught up, spent some time with him. He was much more chill today btw, thank goodness, yesterday bout drove me nuts, hadn't seen him that bad in a while, he literally did not want me out of his sight. It's all subconscious, he wants all he can have as he knows things are about to change for us. It's all okay, like I said, much better today, it's understandable, all part of the process.Only thing constant in life is change, get used to it my son. Good life lesson if you ask me.
My life lucy, I get to make the decisions that affect the rest of it. Nobody else. Well, not quite yet anyway. Christian will be home soon, he wants to watch Sons, I probably will even though Ive been dragin' ass all day. Didn't get to talk to mom or Al much this trip home. Sucks.
I love you. I'm serious about painting our bedroom in the manner I have described. I think that would be really really cool. I think about you all the time sweetheart. Even when you're not hearing from me, you are always on my mind.
"Time to be happy and make plans for the future."
Well, lets do it then, what on earth are we waiting for?
Always always always on my mind...
MWA lol...I'll believe it when I feel it, see it and taste it...
Peace.
We're gonna...
Were gonna do our bedroom just like I said.
Lady at church can paint the Kenny Chesney lyrics in script.
Peace.
Monday, October 21, 2013
I'm ...
I'm beat.
I'm going to bed.
Not enough of me to go around.
So I"ll just take care of me and everybody else can just "take a ticket, take a seat" and I'll get to them when I can.
I was up all of a whopping eight hours today.
All I did was bills, cook, laundry, shop, errands.
I need a break.
So I'm taking one.
Tomorrow: Owensboro for dental appointments.
Lowes.
Post Office.
Wal-Mart.
Get propane tank.
Bank.
Etc.
Lord knows what else will pop up.
Be nice to get some rest for once before going back to work Wed.
Nichs band made state.
Home football game friday PM.
Won't get home till 11 PM or so.
Leave school at 7:15 AM Saturday.
Get home from state 12:30 AM Sunday.
That right, a seventeen hour day.
Can't get anything done this weekend. lol
Has to get done today and tomorrow.
He's 14.
He don't understand.
I get things done my first day so I can rest my second before going back to work.
I'm the tiredest after the weekend.
My first day off is always the worst.
It's the day I feel the most tired and have the most to do and he didn't want me out of his sight.lol
Don't work like that.
I decide how I spend my time.
Not him.
He comes first till he is out of the house, but I (We) have a right to a life outside of him.
It's gettin close.
He is fellin' it
He will be fine.
Just keeping food and other household items stocked, laundry and trash caught up and paying bills when I am only here half the time is challenging. lol.
Oh well wouldn't have it any other way.
Nich's been really clingy lately.
Wonder why that might be Lucy?
Sweet Dreams dingleberry.
Love you.
Peace.
You...
You sure your on my level?
Think this is a joke?
Think I'm not going to do the things I said I was?
Think my bark is worse than my bite?
Come find out why don'tcha?
Well then...
"She's gonna eat your lunch".
Well then why aint she?
Your argument is invalid.
I was hoping for a matching of wits.
So sorry to see you come so woefully unprepared.
Bahahahahahaha...
Same old...
Same old, same old.
Woke up, got him, went to the Dollar Store and the grocery, came home, put stuff up, cooked him dinner, made a big pot of vegetable soup from the broth from the roast, started laundry.
First day off after working the weekend is always the worst.
You should be here.
I get tired of longing for you.
I want the real thing.
Not some electronic ghost.
I...
I can't sleep anymore...every few hours I wake up and I'm just consumed by thoughts of you...
When ya comin Lucy sweetheart?
Nich said "Can't Virgie just move here?" I was like "Well, that's kind of the plan. You know more about it than I do." He was like "Huh?"
Yeah, right, sure, whatever...
Just get your little happy ass over here...
Stat...
Peace.
Up...
"Up with the sun
gone with the wind..."
Actually up before the sun...
Gotta rearrange, Tony's gonna be here shortly.
44 Degrees for the ride home.
I will be all leathered and layered up, hands only thing that really get cold...
It's called being a man...
Love you.
Peace
Rumi...
What a miracle,
You and I,
Entwined in the same nest;
What a miracle,
You and I: one Love,...
One Lover, one Fire,
In this world and the next,
In an ecstasy without end
You and I,
Entwined in the same nest;
What a miracle,
You and I: one Love,...
One Lover, one Fire,
In this world and the next,
In an ecstasy without end
One Love anyone?
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Tell me...
Tell me to come right now...
I dare ya.
I triple dog dare ya.
Yes I know that some would consider that a breach of etiquette by skipping the double dog dare, but I don't care!
Always been a rebel...
Tell me.
Tell me right now.
Chad knows whats up, he knows I would leave here in a second...
You know...
Looking back I thought it was kind of weird at the time but I really didn't think all that much about it when I went to your moms house that day at Albany. I told mom about it Sunday in church and she was just like "Well was she there?" and I said "No, but that wasn't really the point, it was just showing her that I would go there, that was the point. The neighbor lady said she had trust issues, wasn't really sure why she had them but she did." Mom just said "Well I hope she has gotten over them for your sake" or something like that and that was about it. Lookin' back, that's a lil weird. If it was a few years ago she would have flipped out and been like "What are you doing? You're going to get in trouble, you're going to get arrested, or worse yet you're going to get shot, you have a son to look after! Blah blah blah..." Like you can tell a grown ass man how to live at this point in his life. Anyway, she didn't flip out at all, didn't chastise me in the least. Almost like she knew something I didn't, maybe not, but her reaction was not very consistant with how she has been in the past. Now why would that be Lucy? Why would my mom not react like she had in the past?
James agian last night. I'm just sitting here chit-chating away with all kinds of dirty talk with liebermanjuanita5 (he didn't know it was dirty lol, I aint like that) and it's 6 in the AM and he doesn't so much as ask who I am talking with on the phone. He knew it was you sweetheart. He had no need to ask who I was speaking with...
You funny girl, you real funny.
I love it.
Always love your style Dollbaby.
Peace.
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