post get lots of views in the past as well
not till I know it's happening...
Nothing else matters...
Love you
Night.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Been
listening to this a lot lately...
Good version.
"...Beginning to think that I'm wastin' time
I don't understand the things I do
The world outside looks so unkind
And I'm countin' on you
To carry me through..."
I guess we will take turns being the "rock" for each other :-).
Deal...
The
ever growing list of places to never go to and things to never do just continues...
Crusher Hole, Fall Creek Falls State Park, Tennessee.
Morning
Just got up.
Still don't feel the greatest.
Al had a phone, my SIM card wouldn't work in it.
Christian had a Pantech with him but he is not home right now.
Hopefully the battery from Christians pantech works in my phone and I can just order a new battery.
Sept 6th?
I'll believe it when I see you in the dress.
Had dinner
with mom and Al and Alan and Nich.
Nice.
Needed it.
Roast beast as Alan likes to say.
Tons of veggies.
Hit the spot.
Sacking out for a bit.
Wanna give JR and Ryder our old Hot Wheels.
Got a big Pepsi Bottle penny bank I want to give them as well.
Love you.
Night.
I'll never forget
never forget your face:
walking into the break room to have diner in the Courtyard at Kindred that day.
Flush :-).
Smiling from ear to ear.
Lit up.
Like a Christmas tree.
Beaming.
We couldn't even look at each other lol.
I could feel my face turning red lol.
Had to make up something about getting something out of the cabinet to get turn away from you.
Inside I was like "O shit! O shit!"
You went all out.
You looked stunning.
Don't ever think I couldn't tell you were out to make an impression lol.
You we late too.
Like that wasn't on purpose or a test right off the bat.
You got a phone call.
Like that wasn't staged lol.
Went to the bathroom.
I was glad actually.
I have the playbook.
I knew what you were doing.
Gave me a much needed breather.
You came back talking bout Iroquois amphitheater.
I never forget your face:
When I said "You spirit and soul need solitude and peacefullness like your body needs vitamin D."
Something like that.
You...just looked like...
Like you couldn't believe what you just heard.
Once again you couldn't even look at me.
Looked down.
Looked up and five minutes later you were gone.
I think you knew right then Bambi.
Thats what I think.
I never forget your face:
Flying down the steps at Kindred.
You were half way to them while I was still on the phone lol.
"Hello?...Hello?...(look at Chad) I guess I am going for a walk lol.
Just standing there thinking OMG! OMG! Be fucking cool, be cool! She don't know your fliping the ever living fuck out...Chill."
"Hey..."
I believe you said.
Love you.
Really proud
of Nicholas yesterday.
He came home with three pairs of chinos.
Three long sleeve dress shirts.
One v neck sweater.
One brown leather Nike belt.
He went to old Navy and TJ Max.
He was the one watching price tags mom said.
Had a $35 off of a $70 purchase at Old navy.
All that haul?
His grand total?
$68.
Couldn't be more proud.
Mom says she will find a lazy Susan I can give to Christian.
The one at bed Bath and Beyond was too big she thought (16 inches).
I wish she would have just got it but okay.
Went and got a half pint of Makers last night.
Doesn't cure anything.
Sure does relieve some of the symptoms.
Heads clear, not stopped up anymore.
Feel much better.
Ought to, been layin around since Thursday PM.
Dave came by.
I had messaged him on FB due to phone being dead.
Been a long time since we just sat on the porch and shot the shit.
Felt great.
Rainy here.
Good for my growin.
Not good for riding lol.
Somebody or several people gonna have to be with me while I am getting ready Saturday.
Nich will be a big help but I gonna need some adult help as well.
Somebody who knows where the 18 year old is and how to make my drink.
Dave probably better than most at that.
Christian comes up with some fucked up shit then gets mad if you don't like it lol.
It's pretty simple, Jim Beam glass, crushed ice, bourbon.
No need to complicate matters.
Saturday the sixth?
I still just can not wrap my head around it.
Love you.
Saturday, August 30, 2014
As
much as you already think so?
"The waiting drove me mad... you're finally here and I'm a mess..."
It's about 1000x worse.
Promise.
Saturday
the sixth of September?
Even though I am supposed to be working?
James working day shift.
Chad at night.
Okay.
I don't really care who is there at this point.
Just wanna see you in that dress.
I'm gonna wanna have a few drinks lol.
Probably more like, will need to have a few drinks lol.
That "need" part doesn't happen to often lol.
Something gonna have to settle my jim jams down cause I am already a wreck.
Anyway, you know what Shakespeare said about alcohol?
"It provokes the desire but inhibits the performance."
So...
We gonna just party and crash hard our first night of wedded bliss there Bambi?
Or you got other ideas lol.
cause if I have more than two or three?
Shit won't be happeneing...
unless I have hours to recover.
You said you wanted honesty lol...
Phone
shit has just got me down Lucy.
It's way dead now.
It's not just one thing but the culmination of everything that's just wearing on me.
Did I ever mention I just wanna be able to look in your eyes and know...
without either of us ever saying a word...
just know...
Everything's gonna be alright?
I don't have that now.
Never have really.
Seems like it would be real nice...
Being
sick and the phone dyin' just kinda wearin on me dollbaby.
Nich and mom went to Evansville to get him some clothes.
Felt like I would have pooped out about half way through he day so I stayed at home.
Looks like I may have to pay the $125 deductable on the insurance so I can get a new phone.
Im not signing a two year service agreement.
I dont really care what kind of phone I have.
I'll be able to get a free one in Dec when the contract is up.
Hopefully nothing happens to his in the meantime or we are just fucked lol...
Love you.
Layin back down for a bit.
A clown
suit with bells on.
Yes.
With bells.
On.
I would wait for you in a clown suit with bells on if thats what you want.
You should know me well enough to know I would.
Say where and when and I am there.
So
my "fear of looking stupid is holding me back" huh?
lol.
Did it at Kindred?
Did it at Cookville?
Did It at Baxter?
Did it at Albany?
Has it for over two years of talking to some electronic ghost?
I've looked stupid enough long enough if you ask me.
I'm not fuckin Charlie Brown lol.
I don't keep running to kick the football just to have it pulled away from me :-).
That's not Lucy's fault.
Lucy gonna be Lucy.
It Charlie Browns fault.
At some point he is the one who has to change the game or it won't ever change.
Honey?
Say where and when and
I'll wait for you to walk toward me in a clown suit if that's what you want.
Promise.
Night
Nice lil run of threes there on the last few post...
Don't mean nuthin if I'm not seeing you in that dress...
Love you.
Friday, August 29, 2014
I'm
your fairy-tale?
Me?
6 billion people on the planet and I'm "him".
Strike all that.
Of course I am.
Bahahahahahahahahaha
So
next Saturday.
Sept 6th.
I am going to marry the baddest bitch on the planet?
This really gonna happen?
You made a guy not get his hopes up after so many other lil misadventures lol.
Surely you can understand.
Why on a weekend I was suppose to work?
Yall all up to somethin.
That much I can tell.
Seriously.
The sixth?
Better have Rasta nails Lil Miss Thang...
Peace.
Been
sleeping on and off all day.
Went to the bank.
Went and got my medicine.
Went and got my mustache trimmed.
Went and had dinner with Nich at the diner.
Layin back down before taking him to the football game.
I don't think I am going to go shopping with him and mom tomorrow in Evansville.
Think it's best to rest.
Sept 6th?
I'll be the happiest man alive.
Seriously Lucy?
No foolin?
That dress girl.
Just rattles around my head like a 22 shell.
I can't even imagine.
Guess we will see.
Love you Virgie.
Morning Sunshine.
Still a lil under the weather.
Go get my prescription here in a bit.
Love you Virgie.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
This
is what people just don't ever understand.
I live with this threat hanging over my head, everyday, 24\7.
I can go years and not ever get sick.
It can come on in a matter of minutes\hours.
Changes how you see the world Lucy.
I wanna live sweetheart.
Everyday.
Every second I can.
With you.
Chad
is going to Foster parent a couple of brothers and sisters.
He has to take some parenting classes on Thursdays.
Can't come in till 8 PM or so.
His replacement is here.
I am going back to Janets and going back to bed.
I feel that bad.
The guy that was filling in for Chad is now going to cover for me for the rest of the night.
I gotta get some rest or I'm just gonna keep gettin sicker.
Lots of times just a day of laying down and some antibiotics works wonders.
Hopefully I feel better in the AM.
No way stayin here 12 hours and then riding home gonna help.
It's just real low grade nagging kind of head clod, sinus crap with a lil fever but it just wears me out.
Heat is not helping.
Nor was the damp clothes and then sitting in here for a bit with the AC.
Gotta do what I gotta do.
Love you Lucy.
Morning Sunshine
Love you.
Feeling way under the weather.
More than I have in a long time.
Sux...
Gonna have to go get my prescription for antibiotics filled.
Really now?
"Getting toward game time."
Bring it.
I'll leave right now.
Marry you tomorrow at some justice of the peace.
Maybe
I will run away from you.
Right when you start walking toward me at the wedding.
Just run away screaming...
aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
No way!
Get me outta here!
Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Never.
In a million years.
I wanna stand there with tears streaming down my cheeks and watch you walk and see everybody else crying.
Love you Bambi.
I pray
our life together is every bit as much of a fairy-tale as we've been blessed with so far.
If not?
So what, I'm with you.
"I hope you don't run away." she says...
I love it...
Fuckin' woman logic...lol
She's been running away from me for two years but she's scared of me running away...
Do you see why we just shake our heads and give up ever tryin to figure yall out? lol...
Honey?
If I was gonna go?
I'd already be gone...
a long time ago actually.
I told you a long time ago, well actually I told Tina but that's beside the point, "You are the female me."
I learned, also a long time ago, just like Bob Marley says, "You can't run from yourself."
As I think you have figured out, it's pointless to try.
Peace Dollbabay.
Get some sleep.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
On the way
up here today
Got rained on twice lol.
Mostly just overspray.
Jeans wet below the knees.
Change shirts and we were good to go.
The sixth?
a weekend I am working?
I don't get it.
That doesn't make sense.
I mean, I really don't care :-).
That just aint addin up Lucy.
Dress
is yours?
Really?
It's really really yours?
It's beautiful.
Always said I liked your style.
We bout to flip some people the ever-livin fuck out!
You know this right?
Love you Virgie.
RUMI
In the house of lovers, the music never stops, the walls are made of songs and the floor dances.
Bout to :-).
So
what the hell am I supposed to do about Friday September 5th?
Work?
I'm confused.
Just like always lol...
Oh
so...
"I
just wanna make sure I got this right.
I asked.
You said yes.
That dress is yours.
Sept 6th..."
Finally gets a three does it?
Nice.
I'll believe it when I see it...
Love you.
Night.
Monogrammed and manicured dollbaby...
Morning Sunshine
Be awesome today!
.jpg)
Just want my wife...
Tired of waiting...
Love you.
Laying back down.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
RUMI
You amuse me with your touch
although I can't see your hands.
You have kissed me with tenderness
although I haven't seen your lips
You are hidden from me.
But it is you who keeps me alive
Perhaps the time will come
when you will tire of kisses
I shall be happy
even for insults from you
I only ask that you
keep some attention on me.
I desire you more than food or drink.
My body my senses my mind hunger for your taste.
I can sense your presence in my heart
although you belong to all the world.
I wait with silent passion
for one gesture one glance from you.
We
ever gonna fish?
Or we just gonna keep cuttin bait for a couple more years?
Slept.
To damn hot to do anything.
Didn't even make it to the bike shop.
Yet again.
Nich is on the academic team.
They had practice this afternoon.
Taking him to diner in Tell City when I pick him up.
Then Wal-Mart.
Then back home to stay inside.
20 views on the "Do me everyday post" huh?
Kind of begs the question:
"So then why aint ya?"
Women...
geez...
No wonder I bought a bike.
Bahahahahahahaha
"...Oh, what was
"...Oh, what was it in her eyes that scared him so?
How come he felt so weak but tried to look so strong?..."
Reminds me of you coming down the steps at Kindred.
Back to bed for a bit, then headlight for the bike...
Love you Bambi,,,
Mornin Sunshine
Feel great.
Breakfast at moms here in a lil bit.
Bike to shop for headlight.
Could probably do it myself but I wanna watch Josh.
Three beers before dinner.
That don't happen too often lol.
In bed at 10:30.
Up at 3:30.
Back down at 4:30.
Up at 6.
Blah blah balh...
Judging by how Nich and Janet are acting here lately and the blog post you been viewin, I'd say something is getting ready to change.
Not sure about Sept 6th, but soon.
Love you Lucy.
Monday, August 25, 2014
Always
"Not
just beautiful.
But the most amazing, most intelligent woman I ever met."
and forever...
Oh
"OMG!
She did something I asked!..."
You gonna be doin plenty of what I want here before too long.
I won't be askin either.
I'll be tellin...
and you're gonna love it.
Every last bit of it.
Bahahahahahahaha
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Downsizing advice
“...nothing should be off limits. Either use it, love it — or leave it.”
Already had that figured out lol.
I've been walking around the house for months now looking at rooms thinking bout what I want to take with me.
It's not much really.
If I have had it a very long time, someone special gave it to me, or if I still use it or you see a use for it?
Then it comes with us.
Everything else stays for Christian and Jimmy to deal with.'
Simple.
Easy.
You
okay with Boxers lol?
I don't wear anything else lol.
Remember also now:
I'm hairy, as in very lol.
I sweat.
I stink.
My farts\craps can peal the paint off walls at times.
I drink\smoke (in moderation).
I cuss way more than I should.
I do not give a fuck about: decor, furnishings, etc.
I'd rather be riding etc than almost anything.
cept havin fun with you.
You know what kind of fun I am talking about.
You sure about this?
We're a handfull, both of us.
Plenty of time to change your mind now sweetheart.
RUMI
These pain's you feel are messengers.
Listen to them
Have been.
They tell me it's time to move on...
:-)
Yeah...
Don't ever worry about it.
I know better.
Did I mention I know a thing or two about women?
Fat man sitting
"Fat man sitting on a little stool
Takes the money from my hand while his eyes take a walk all over you
Hands me the ticket smiles and whispers good luck
Cuddle up angel cuddle up my little dove..."
Well you know?
You kind of helped make him that way Lucy.
"God have mercy on the man
who doubts what he's sure of..."
Sept 6th
Huh?
Yeah right...
Just like Cookeville?
Like Baxter?
Like Albany?
I mean can you just not understand a boy bein a lil gun shy at this point?
That either wasn't your dress or it aint gonna fit you at this rate.
Been to long.
Did I mention I know a thing or two about women?
And I aint sayin you'll gain weight.
I'm sayin women are very conscientious of the fact if they loose OR gain a few lbs here or there.
Men?
Not so much.
So which is it Bambi?
Was it your dress?
Or you "not into playin head games" still?
Speaking of which,
I gotta few "head games" you can play.
Bahahahahahahahaha
Oh
don't even think I ever forgot about you on your knees offering up Patron shots and a lime wedge off of your ass...
I'll lick the salt off your ass cheek...
Promise.
Bambi.
Yeah...
"What ever happened to makin you my lil bitch anyway?
Where did that go?
How about Fuck You how about that?
Bahahahahahahahaha"
Exactly.
Chickenshit.
Real woman who is not into playing head games?
Don't seem like it to me Lucy.
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Nawww...
"...Boobs sporty, hell at least another good cleavage shot."
No more.
No more screen shots.
No more fake internet accounts.
No more boob shots.
No more cleavage shots.
Just you.
In that dress.
Walking toward me.
Everybody crying.
Thats it.
Nothing else gonna do.
RUMI
Every moment
I shape my destiny
with a chisel -
I am the carpenter of my own soul.
Sounds like what Bob Marley was sayin...
Morning
to you too sunshine :-).
Want your hugs and kisses sweetheart.
Soon
Like two years ago lol.
All of them.
Forever.
Hafez
"The sun never says to the earth,
'You owe me.'
Look what happens with a love like that.
It lights up the whole sky."
Morning Bambi.
Do your buddy's ride them show bikes in the rain?
Looks
like we made it :-).
Wasn't too bad lol.
Missed three servers in the Koronos landscape.
Went back and rebooted them while still in the window.
Wat ya up too?
Friday, August 22, 2014
I knew...
I just knew.
The only way one party can know?
So instinctively?
So assuredly?
So suddenly?
Is if the other party knows as well.
Knowing all that?
How could I have ever let you just walk away?
As if all the shenanigans in the parking garage weren't enough lol.
Turning up every time I turned around.
All your lil subtle hints.
It was your voice cracking the last time I heard it...
told me for certain...
You knew what I knew as well.
Promise Bambi.
We are getting toward busy time here in a few.
Love you Virgie.
So
sporstergirl likes a blacked out bike and a sister white bike?
So whats your point?
Bahahahahahahahahahaha
Oh
Yea!
Twos!
Yippie!
Now make that one post a three numbnuts lol...
Yes, numbnuts.
Bahahahahahahaha
Have I ever mentioned I hate Patch night lol?
Pretty much...
"Like
it's some big mystery who you are where you live and what you're doing...
Give me a break..."
Thought somebody said something about time to be happy and make plans for the future and blah blah blah blah blah...
The Way of Love
The Way of Love
Arjuna:Of those who love you as the Lord of Love,
Ever present in all, and those who seek you
As the nameless, formless Reality,
Which way is sure and swift, love or knowledge?
Sri Krishna:
For those who set their hearts on me
And worship me with unfailing devotion and faith,
The way of love leads sure and swift to me.
Those who seek the transcendentalReality,
Unmanifested, without name or form,
Beyond the reach of feeling and of thought,
With their senses subdued and mind serene
And striving for the good of all beings,
They too will verily come unto me.
Yet hazardous
And slow is the path to the Unrevealed,
Difficult for physical man to tread.
But they for whom I am the goalsupreme,
Who do all work renouncing self for me
And meditate on me with single-hearted devotion,
These willI swiftly rescue
From the fragment's cycle of birth and death
To fullness of eternal life in me.
Still your mind in me, still yourself in me,
And without doubt you shall be united with me,
Lord of Love, dwelling in your heart.
But if you cannot still your mind in me,
Learn to do so through the practice of meditation.
If you lack the willfor such self-discipline,
Engage yourself in selfless service of all around you,
For selfless service can lead you at last to me.
If you are unable to do even this,
Surrender yourself to me in love,
Receiving success and failure with equal calmness
As granted by me.
Better indeed is knowledge than mechanical practice.
Better than knowledge is meditation.
But better still is surrender in love,
Because there follows immediate peace.
That one I love who is incapable of ill will,
And returns love for hatred.
Living beyond the reach of I and mine
And of pleasure and pain, full of mercy,
Contented, self-controlled, firm in faith,
With all their heart and all their mind given to me –
With such people I am in love.
Not agitating the world or by it agitated,
They stand above the sway of elation,
Competition, and fear, accepting life
Good and bad as it comes. They are pure,
Efficient, detached, ready to meet every demand
I make on them as a humble instrument of my work.
They are dear to me who run not after the pleasant
Or away from the painful, grieve not
Over the past, lust not today,
But let things come and go as they happen.
Who serve both friend and foe with equal love,
Not buoyed up by praise or cast down by blame,
Alike in heat and cold, pleasure and pain,
Free from selfish attachments and self-will,
Ever full, in harmony everywhere,
Firm in faith – such as these are dear to me.
But dearest to me are those who seek me
In faith and love as life's eternal goal.
They go beyond death to immortality
Well
if "The best proof of love is trust", what do you think I've been doing :-)?
You done shattered my heart in a gazillion pieces about three or four times already, so, you know, whats one more time?
I know better :-).
Aint happening.
Just looking for confirmation of what I already know Bambi.
Can you blame a guy?
Really?
Ornery Ass
You'll do anything most times except what I want you to do lol.
Nice to know in advance I suppose.
Love you Virgie.
I'll
believe it, when I see it.
"Drew's Honeypot" got a three did it?"
Been doing this far to long to believe anything else.
Except a phone call from Alan.
That would chill me out a bit.
Maybe.
Probably not lol.
"But
look for a loyal heart that will miss you everyday and love you forever."
If you found him?
And I honestly think you know you have, you need to let him know somehow.
Cause he is about to loose his ever-livin fuckin mind lol.
I don't need help with that.
Do well enough on my own thanks.
I mean
"I don't understand.
I just don't understand and I got enough other bullshit swirling around my head."
It's the truth.
Somebody needs to explain things to me.
I'm a mess right now not knowing whats up.
Okay, maybe I'm always a mess and it's just worse now but that's the point lol.
Church.
School.
Work.
You\Us.
The last time I was up here I was eating dinner on Tuesday PM.
Janet calls.
She rarely does.
I thought something was wrong, or I forgot some thing.
She says, completely out of the blue, after we had already talked for 35-40 minutes before I left:
"Are you mad at me?"
(You really think you have to ask that Lucy if thats the case?")
"No"
"Well you never ask me how I am doing any more or if I want to go have lunch."
"I'm not mad Janet."
"Well we can talk about it when your up here next time."
So now, I'm already exhausted and going into patch night and afterwards I have to go listen to her happy horse shit about nothing.
It just wears me out.
I don't have time for it.
I only get good rest when I am up here.
My not wanting to not have lunch with her has nothing to do with not wanting to spend time with her and everything with me wanting to get rest for myself.
Is it that hard to understand?
It's exactly what I am going to tell her.
Couple of times before last she was telling me about wanting me to help her turn her den into an office and rearrange her Living room and...
aint no fucking way...
To get her Laptop out of the kitchen.
Rearrange two rooms to move a laptop that she hardly uses.
This is the kind of shit that put Dad in his grave early.
It's the truth.
I just wanted a place to sleep, and take a shower, thats all I ever asked from her.
You would think I was the one that took $10,000 or $5000 from her, or was one of the other low life hangers-on that she keeps company with like her former housekeeper or Hubert both of which she gave untold thousands.
She spends more on her three dogs in a month than we got in savings and is better off than 90% of the country and all she does is complain about how bad she has it?
I can't take her bullshit much longer.
Honestly?
I know Janet.
I've known her for 37?, 38 years?
Dad told me a long time ago when I was very little:
"She is scared when she gets older you won't come around any and she will be all by herself."
Seems like those days are here and that is whet is driving her behavior if you ask me.
It could go either way.
When we are gone I may very well want to come spend time with her, or if she keeps acting like this I may not.
Up to her, not me.
(Remember the mission I am on? Stomping out bullshit? Everybody's but yours?).
Everybody else left her, it ought to say something.
She also asked if I was bring Nicholas up here Labor Day weekend.
She said I said that I was.
I told her no, I didn't remember saying that at all and we were going shopping in Evansville.
Think about it for a second.
I work off that Friday AM.
How am I supposed to get Nicholas, bring him back up here for the weekend, stay up here and work Monday and Tuesday when he is only out of school on Monday?
I guess I am to take him back home after working Monday PM and come back up and work Tuesday PM after taking him home?
It just doesn't make any fucking sense.
Anyway, so now she is upset and I get to deal with her after Patch night.
Nice...
Just want my wife Lucy.
Just want it to be us and our bullshit, not anybody elses.
I'll deal with her in the AM.
But if this aint gonna work no more?
So be it.
Thats where it registers on my bullshit meter.
She think I don't have or won't make other options\arrangements.
She is sorely mistaken.
Just wanted to let you know whats going on.
Thats the same weekend Christian wanted me to cook.
Aint doin that either.
Next Sat AM, Nicholas and mom and I are going to Evansville to get him some clothes.
Period.
Anybody that don't like it?
Fuck em.
Except you lol.
You I would make arrangements for.
Love you Bambi.
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