you think it only applied to chasing after you?
Ti·
ta·
ni·
um
Bahahahahahahahaha
Thursday, April 30, 2015
It's
the truth Lucy.
"Just
want my wife...
Tired of grinding it out alone when I know she want me as bad as I do her.
All this waiting is getting really really old..."
Always
right there with me.
Anytime, night or day.
I love it :-).
It's exactly what I have always wanted.
Didn't sleep
so good.
Visited with Christian for a bit.
Once I catch that second wind?
Body just goes into midnight shift mode and I can't fall asleep.
Gonna sleep most of the day.
No need to be running around like an idiot now lol.
Not for a while anyway.
Ever think this is Gods way of telling me get some rest for whats about to take place?
Seems like.
Mom and Janet were going out of their way to make sure I got some rest.
I appreciate it.
It just wasn't going to be enough though.
Maybe now I can finally "decompress" a lil.
Need it.
Like, nobody knows how bad I need it lol.
My body feels better already.
Stress levels lower.
Joints not so achy.
Its a good thing.
Nich is doing good.
Looked fine this AM.
Says he is not worried about anything.
"With all I been through? This is nothing."
Tough kid.
Love him so much.
Not to harp but some things did occur to me last night when talking to Christian.
I mean they just came back to me.
Just bear with me, I think I'll work through this pretty fast now, as I know it's whats for the best for all of us.
It was killing me, the hours, the drive, the not being able to rest etc.
Anyway.
They have turned over 30% of their NOC staff (5 out of 15) in the first four months of this year.
That's as many people as they had lost in the first three years I was there.
It says a lot.
If I was a "manager'?
I'd wanna know what the hell was going on.
I'd figure it out and fix it.
Before Kenny left he told us that New Age and Kindred had only signed a one year contract this last time for staffing the NOC.
In the past?
They had signed three or five year contracts I believe.
Micah told Chad and I the same thing when he came in to fill out his Insurance paperwork.
Blessing in disguise Lucy.
If someone thinks that they ruined my day, or showed me a thing or two because I didn't get to walk out of there like I wanted to?
That they thwarted my dream?
They couldn't be more wrong.
Yes it would have been nice :-).
But the dream isn't about walking out of there middle fingers blazin, or Tom Petty playin when you're walking down the aisle, or riding off on bikes together after a ceremony.
The dream has always been about us being together and a love story like no other ever.
No mere mortal ever gonna stop that.
I always said this love came from above sweetheart.
You don't just ask for what you want and then pretty much have it hand delivered to you and think that it was an accident.
Not me anyway.
I like new beginnings too.
If nobody else is worried?
Why should I be?
Time to roll sweetheart.
Love you Virgie.
Wildflower Moon
Huh?
"New beginnings" huh?
Been down this road a few times sweetheart.
Be nice to know a lil more than that.
Thanks for keeping on sending them though.
For a few minutes anyway lol.
Somebody way back in the POF days did say something about owning their own jewelry business now didn't they?
Sporstergirl.
Bambi.
Hotrod.
Dingleberry (my fav actually lol).
Whoever the hell you are.
Love ya sweetie.
(All these years I lived here and I never heard about this friend of my Aunt Connies in TN.
Just seems a lil odd to me.)
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Well?
"Probably to the point where Adam and Elizabeth got an invitation yesterday and that's why he reached out to me in FB."
Am I on the money Lucy?
"That's good dude"
So...
the whole family seems to be takin the news of my job coming to an abrupt end better than expected.
Any reason why that might be Lucy :-)?
No mention of cutting back or selling the bike or anything, just all kinda took it in stride.
I'm relieved more than anything.
No sitting around wondering when the axe was gonna fall.
Good.
I hate that shit lol.
Handwriting was on the wall.
I have a tendency to force the issue when pushed up against a wall.
Go figure lol.
I was wondering why someone kept showing up on time here of late.
Now I know.
They were setting me up.
Would have been a matter of time anyway.
I'm glad it's over.
It was the reason for the email from Phil.
It was the reason I didn't hear back from Phil for three hours when I told him I couldn't be there last Thursday.
He was calling his boss to see what to do.
It's the reason they put me off when I was asking for FMLA leave.
On and on and on...doesn't matter now.
Gonna take it easy this weekend.
Work in the yard.
Get some rest.
Check out unemployment etc.
I got home and saw a 502 number (not 520 lol) I didn't know and I had a missed call and voice mail message.
Called the voice mail.
It was Dean.
Phil's boss.
I knew right then that was probably it.
Called him.
He hemmed and hawed for a bit then said what he needed to.
When he started in on the "don't contact blah blah blah..." I just said "that's good dude" and hung up.
I just sat there in the high school parking lot with a smirk on face like:
"I knew it would come to this."
I did get the satisfaction of telling Phil yesterday if he nit picked on me and Chad I was going to call the compliance line and report the fraud that had been committed by various members of New Age Staff for years, to the tune of 1000's of dollars.
He just looked at me.
Said that he might have to.
I told him he needed to do what he needed to do and that I was going to do what I was going to do.
If I was in Deans shoes?
I would have done the same thing.
Just easier to get rid of the guy who can cause you the most damage.
I bet people are on time and don't take two hour lunches for a while lol.
All over covering for my ex-buddy for years lol.
What a waste.
I aint no snitch Lucy.
Never have been never will be.
Anyway, I also had the pleasure of telling Phil that when I said I couldn't be there that's what it meant and that I wouldn't be there :-) and that he could call, text, email all day everyday on my day off but I would not answer it.
Ever.
"Well that's your right."
"I know it's my right Phil."
Then he had me sign paperwork for $1.00 an hour raise lol.
"You do realize this is a lil too lil a lil too late for most people don't you?"
What a 24 hours Lucy lol.
When I was sitting in the Courtyard yesterday?
My stomach was in knots.
Just dreading swiping my badge and going in the place.
When it gets that bad?
Time to go.
Like I said just more of a sense of relief than anything.
I can't handle that kinda stress.
Makes me sick.
My health is to important for that.
Just can't do it.
Time to move on.
Like Dean said "it's just in every ones best interest to sever this relationship at this point."
I agree.
It was.
No reason for job ending given lol
Mom took it well.
"At my age there is just no point in worrying about anything.
It will be okay."
She also said: "I will pay for his (Nichs) Drivers Ed class this summer, he will get his license, no need to worry about that. You may move and not be here." That came completely out of the blue lol. I hadn't said anything about leaving here in a long time. She said: "Nich may decide to stay here and finish up or he may go with you."
First time I heard anything about that as well.
"If he does decide to go we can get the deposit on the ring back."
Kinda figured something along those lines was in order but it was the first I heard about it.
Al didn't say much of nothing.
Pretty much told me everything.
He figures were gone and out of here soon anyway.
We've been through it all.
This family.
We will weather this as well.
Went and visited Alan at church.
he didn't have much to say really.
It was just nice to see him, visit with him.
Called Chad and told him what happened.
He was a lil shocked.
Told him I was sorry for him and whoever he had to work with from here on in.
He understood.
He wants to get his bike back together so we can go riding :-).
Told him I couldn't wait :-).
I told him that I knew he knew all about you and that I was marrying you and moving soon anyway.
He just laughed.
I always knew he knew.
Told him I had him on google+ and that I had his number and that if he ever changed it to let me know.
"I've had that number for 10 years dude, it won't change."
Went back to talk to Christian.
He is at work.
They may be going on strike tonight.
He wants to.
"We will hunt and fish and drink cheap beer all summer."lol
I'll see him soon enough.
Rest tomorrow.
Need to tell David and Janet what happened.
My and Janet's relationship will improve.
Wait and see.
Me and Nicholas as well.
I will be here for at least a couple of weeks so we will have more time together than we have had in years.
We need it.
It's just a job.
I've had others.
When you compare it to my relationship with Janet and Nich?
Whats more important?
Not that hard to figure out.
I hope Nich decides to come with us for his final two years.
If not?
I understand and we will all do what we have always done.
Which is to do the best we can given our own individual and collective situation.
Being away from him has never been the optimum situation for us.
If this hadn't happened?
I would have probably never even started looking for a new job.
There just wasn't a need to.
Now there is.
Thanks for the favor.
People in there are miserable and it just keeps getting worse.
Some people just can't handle other people doing well and have blessings come their way.
They see people living proud and free and they wish it could be them but they don't have the guts.
They wanna stay stuck in their lil holes of comfort and conformity and want everyone else to be the same.
Not me.
I wanna be me.
Have to be me.
"Yeah, there will be some new people in here soon enough alright."
Last words I ever heard the man mumble to himself.
I could have called the compliance line.
I aint like that.
Not what I do.
I'm thankful.
For the lesson I learned.
Be ever so careful of people who you think are your friends.
I'm moving soon.
New people.
Be guarded.
A lil bit anyway.
You can trust people for years and still not know what they are capable of.
It's just a fact of life.
I'm also thankful that my ex-buddy gave me the opportunity to teach my son exactly how not to be.
So thank you :-).
I'll just keep praying for them.
I'm not bitter, angry or upset.
It was way past time to move on.
Need to call fawn too.
That's it really, mom, Al, Janet, Alan, Christian, Nicholas, David, Chad, Fawn.
That's it.
And you :-).
All I need.
All I want.
There will be others to come in the future I am sure.
Work in yard all weekend.
Figure out unemployment.
Move on.
No hard feelings.
No point in it.
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Kinda our theme right?
Adam Crick got a hold of me yesterday in FB.
Told him I thought i would be leaving in early June probably.
"Oh you got a job lined up?"
"More like a lifetime lined up."
"It wouldn't involve an invite would it :-)"
Now why is Adam asking me about invites when I hadn't spoke with him in months Lucy?
Can somebody explain that?
Got a theory.
Things are coming to fruition and that's why James couldn't stand it any longer.
Probably to the point where Adam and Elizabeth got an invitation yesterday and that's why he reached out to me in FB.
That's my theory anyway.
Told mom about it.
She just laughed.
"Well is there going to be?"
Like she don't know lol.
"I think there could be, i could see me living in TN."
She just smiled and we just went on about our evening just like nothing had ever happened.
Surreal really :-).
Right up my alley.
Christian the other night when he was a lil tipsy"
"Hey man whatever happened to that girl?"
My first thought?
"Son, that's full ass grown woman."
Anyway, "I don't know, you tell me."
"No seriously, what ever happened?"
"You tell me, you know as well as I do."
I think Halie distracted him and things moved on.
So, again, I ask?
Why is Christian asking about you when I Haven't mentioned you to him in 6? 7? months?
Bet I know why Lucy.
No hard feelings.
Never.
No need.
Serves no purpose.
Thanks for the lessons.
Love you Bambi.
Movin on.
I
think he said it for all of us:
"The right bike, the right day, the right road, I just pretty much feel
at one with the universe. When I feel like I don’t fit anywhere or I’m
lonely or I’m like all screwed up in the head, I get on my bike and go
for a ride and it’s like all of the sudden, I’m fixed.”
— Indian Larry
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
COPACETIC
I actually know the meaning of the word and I used it today in the course of a normal conversation. Feelin all proud and stuff.
As in:
"If thats what I gotta do?
Keep track of outage start and stop times on every lil podunk node in the enterprise and update 100 error tickets?
Then trust me when I tell you we will be the shift to which others will be compared.
If thats what I gotta do, to keep things copacetic around here for the next six to eight weeks?
Then let me tell you, thats what I'm gonna do."
Most
people got $1.00 raise today lol.
(Myself included :-).
Still not worth it lol.
Had a lil meeting.
Got some things off my chest.
I think some people understand don't call\text\email on my days off anymore.
I also think they understand the rights afforded employees under FMLA.
I didn't tell them.
I got the distinct impression their supervisor did.
Anyway, got $1.00 raise.
I'll see it on my check May 29th.
Hows that for timing.
Movin on lol.
Now, where were we?
Oh yeah, ass cheeks.
Bahahahahahahaha
Hey
sorry I missed you in Skype.
It doesn't ring or give off any notifications or anything for some reason.
I'm outside more now as well.
Don't always take my phone with me when I am in the yard sweetheart.
Love ya Bambi.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Really likin
that War on Drugs record.
Pretty sweet.
Best thing I have heard in a while.
Sweet dreams Babydoll.
Love you.
Night.
I
just want everyone to be content.
To have peace.
To be reasonably prosperous.
However they want to define that for themselves.
Why hate?
What good does it do?
Where does it lead?
It only destroys yourself.
Be happy for others and their good fortune I say.
Maybe that way?
Some might come your way someday.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
But it seems to me, it is a lot more likely to come your way than if you're hating others for their good fortune.
I
just wanna hold you and kiss you all over and stay up late and talk and ride and fish and...and...and...and...
Forever.
Thats all.
Oh
I won't let them go :-).
Haven't.
Won't.
The thing is?
I am with them :-).
Just not the way most couples are "with" each other.
I thought
it summed it up pretty well :-).
Don't nit-pick me and Chad about silly lil things everyone is doing and you won't have HR crawling all through everything. It's a no-brainer.
So...
guy says the motor is shot on the mower.
Should I buy a used motor to put on it Lucy?
Or borrow some friends and neighbors for a while?
Anything over a three would mean buy a used motor to have installed.
I don't have the feelings for this mower that I did for the truck.
I'd just as soon let it go.
Let me know.
I
just don't understand people Lucy.
Nothing to gain and everything to loose and they go with a decision like that?
Makes no sense. None.
Just
tired of it Lucy.
Tired of being around Bozo's.
Just had enough.
Just want my wife.
Want my heart to be where it wants to be.
Everything else?
So inconsequential.
Love you.
Morning again :-)
Beautiful.
I hate going to this place.
Absolutely hate it.
No need for a man to go through this.
None at all.
Love ya Lucy.
Heading out here soon.
Talk to you here in a bit.
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Got out
for a lil bit today.
Looks like I'll get to ride both times to Lville this week.
Got up, had lunch at moms with Nich and Al and Alan.
Came home.
Got in the hammock for a while.
Got some sun.
Raked up a section of yard.
Thats about 12 wheelbarrows full now I believe.
Weedeated.
Grilled out some porkchops for Nich to have while I am away the next two day.
He stayed with mom to help her with going to Wal-Mart.
I went to the store twice.
Forgot my wallet the first time lol.
So I just checked the tires on the bike.
Came home.
Went a different longer way to a different store.
Got drinks.
Gassed up the bike.
It doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but it is nice to not have to leave here earlier tomorrow to gas up and check tires.
Guy at the bike shop (Josh) said I check my tires more than anyone he knows lol.
Six times a month.
Every time out on my way to Lville.
Mom showed up with Nich a lil bit ago,
I was sitting on the porch.
Grill from cookin the pork chops was keeping me warm.
Anyway.
It was nice to get done what I did around here today.
No hurry.
Came inside to try and take a nap but couldn't.
Just did a lil here and a lil there till I got done what I wanted.
I'm down to two sections of yard to rake, the worst ones are done already.
1 load of gravel to get.
And straightening up my solar lights.
Then we can ride whenever we want on days off.
yard will be done :-).
You gonna come with me?
Love you.
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Robert Nesta Marley
"Many people will fight you down, when you see, when you see the light, let me tell you if you're not wrong? Then everything is alright, everything is alright..."
Tell me about it.
Nap time.
Love you.
Saturday, April 25, 2015
So?
We're you amazing today?
Of Course you were.
Even if you don't think so?
You were.
How could you not be?
Love ya Lucy.
Friday, April 24, 2015
Don't
worry.
I won't lol.
Like I said.
Kill them with kindness.
I did think the scene was appropriate and funny.
Promise :-).
Promise :-).
Love ya Bambi.
Gotta get started.
Taking mower to shop and getting mulch.
Lucky me lol.
Like
I said.
There were good parts to yesterday as well :-).
"I'm gonna wait till the midnight hour..."
Wilson Pickett gravesite.
Evergreen Cemetery.
Louisville, KY. 4/23/15.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
He hates
whats about to happen.
Thinks it should be him.
Sorry.
You're not.
I mean?
What am I suppose to do?
I know what to do :-).
Sevens
Hell yeah.
Righton.
Can you say, "...and another ones gone and another ones gone and another one bites the dust..."
It's whats
up.
I can tell.
No need for proof.
I already know.
I aint sayin nuthin.
I just gonna lay low and be on my way someday soon.
Tell
me to leave right now.
39 degrees outside.
I'll be gone in a second.
On the bike.
The whole way.
Dare ya.
I'm
serious.
I've seen this before.
Always the person you never thought it would be.
Last time something like this happened?
I didn't think the person had it in them to do what they did.
This time?
I know better.
I'm just gonna play it cool.
Be out of here in a matter of weeks anyway.
No need to hit the hornets nest with a baseball bat.
Tryin not to anyway.
What pisses me off the most Lucy?
When somebody thinks I am stupid or that I can't figure things out.
Shame on them is all I got to say.
They are gonna wish they didn't.
People just can't\don't want to believe whats about to happen.
They have been told why.
They have made their choice.
They will answer for it someday.
Pretty much
"Who The Cap Fit"
Man to man is so unjust, children:
Ya don't know who to trust.
Your worst enemy could be your best friend,
And your best friend your worse enemy.
Some will eat and drink with you,
Then behind them su-su 'pon you.
Only your friend know your secrets,
So only he could reveal it.
And who the cap fit, let them wear it!
Who the cap fit, let them wear it!
Said I throw me corn, me no call no fowl;
I saying, "Cook-cook-cook, cluk-cluk-cluk."
Some will hate you, pretend they love you now,
Then behind they try to eliminate you.
But who Jah bless, no one curse;
Thank God, we're past the worse.
Hypocrites and parasites
Will come up and take a bite.
And if your night should turn to day,
A lot of people would run away.
And who the stock fit let them wear it!
Who the (cap fit) let them (wear it)!
And then a-gonna throw me corn,
And then a-gonna call no fowl,
And then a-gonna "Cook-cook-cook, cluk-cluk-cluk."
[Instrumental break]
Some will eat and drink with you,
Then behind them su-su 'pon you, yeah!
And if night should turn to day, now,
A lot of people would run away, yeah!
And who the cap fit, let them wear it!
Who the cap fit, let them wear it!
Throw me corn, me no call no fowl;
A-saying: "Cook-cook-cook, cluk-cluk-cluk."
... : "Cook-cook-cook, cluk-cluk-cluk."
Throw me corn (cook-cook-cook);
Me call no fowl (cluk-cluk-cluk)
I've seen this song and dance a few times.
Not this time.
Sirach 26
The husband of a good wife is a fortunate man; he will live twice as long because of her. 2 A fine wife is a joy to her husband, and he can live out his years in peace. 3 A good wife is among the precious blessings given to those who fear the Lord. 4 Whether such men are rich or poor, they will be happy and always look cheerful.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
I'm
just not gonna trust anybody in here any more.
Except my partner.
Haters gonna hate.
Like thats gonna do them some good.
Nothing they would love more than to see you fail.
Aint happening.
Ever.
Sorry :-(.
It's just unbearable any more.
I kinda feel like Nich.
Whats the point?
I'm not gonna be here much longer anyway.
This aint my life.
Far from it.
Very very far from it.
Stopped
in the "Ole Country Store" in Sulphur, Indiana today ;-).
I like stopping in there.
I like stopping in there.
Had a bowl of "The Famous."
Chili that is.
It is good.
Donnie (the owner, can't wait for you to meet him) says:
"I thought you were marrying that woman."
I responded:
"Well, lets just say my mom and my aunt went to visit their cousin in St. Louis and somehow ended up in Franklin TN.
Oh, and they forgot their gifts and my step-dad had to take them to them.
Also, somehow they ended up at the largest Baptist Church in TN.
I'd say sometime in June when schools out, that would be my best guess."
He just smiled.
World is waiting Lucy :-).
Had
a long talk with your lil buddy.
He was told a lot.
I hope he gets it.
He was told, the evening of the big dinner fiasco:
"I worry about you. If you act like that to your granny then how much respect are you going to give someone that hasn't been there for you and had your back for years? That worries me. If, when you turn 18 that is how you decide you want to behave then that's fine but you see how well it worked out for your mom and her brothers. Don't be surprised (if you behave that way) if the people who have always been there for you all the sudden aren't there any more."
I asked him about why he didn't get the swing out of the storage shed for grandma Janet.
"Shit, I forgot."
Which judging by his reaction I honestly believe he did.
Then he goes on to say: "Well she only asked once."
I told him that's all anybody should ever have to ask him.
We get tired of asking multiple times only to see what we are asking to be done never happen.
It's old.
People have given up and are not bothering to even ask anymore.
"Well, part of PTSD is forgetfulness."
"Don't use it as a crutch, I don't believe for a second that PTSD caused you to forget to get the swing out of storage for Janet and I'll tell you why, because that is indicative of your behavior well before you ever knew about any PTSD, that's why."
Silence.
"Woman gives you a $5000 vehicle and you can't give her 20 minutes of your time?"
"If all we have to do is placate her I don't even want the thing."
I could have lost it. I didn't.
I said:
"Good, because it's not yours, it's mine"
"Cause it's still in your name?"
"Right, and if I decide that I need to sell it to pay off some bills?
If I determine that's what is in our best interest? Then that's what I will do for us."
Just so you know, these conversations were calm spread out over the course of two days, when things were good between us lol...
I was up at 1 PM to run errands yesterday.
Back down by 6.
Then up at 9 only to be just spent.
I told him that the whole reason I was physically exhausted was due to the events the previous evening and that I just can not have that kind of stress and drama around me.
I just can't.
He knows this.
We all just need to take a chill pill lol.
I told him about the time I got a -5 on an algebra 2 test.
Yep.
Missed the extra credit.
-5.
I was already failing the class.
Next day I was in Civics.
I'll never forget sitting there waiting for this test result.
It was like something out of a movie.
Comes flying down over my left shoulder.
-5.
In red ink.
In a red circle lol.
Was it the end of the world?
No.
Did it seem like it might be at the time?
Sure.
I told him about a friend of mine.
One son of his is attending a very prestigious school.
His other son is in community college.
My buddy's wife is worried about him.
My buddy's response?
"He is smart, he will figure it out. he will go on to get his degree or he will join the military, don't worry so much about it."
Exactly.
My point is, it is one grade in one class in High school.
If he gets a D?
Then he gets a D.
He will graduate.
He will move on.
So will we.
I told him me to tell me early on if there was a problem with a class so I could know that it was coming and not just get blindsided.
Told him to just tell granny and grandpa that he would struggle to get a C but he was doing all the study sessions and working with the teacher to improve.
"So lie?"
"Whatever you gotta do to keep the peace, cause that is the greater good. tell me up front whats going on, but just tell them you are struggling and you are working on it."
"Okay."
"Let me ask you this, was it worth all the stress and drama yesterday?
For anybody involved?"
"No. It wasn't"
"Exactly, not for any of us it wasn't. It's just not worth it. Just keep me up to date early on if you are struggling."
I also told him that he has a better chance of being an NFL player than to be the next Deadmou5e.
Would I be encouraging him to try to make the NFL?
Probably not.
Fine line here between letting your child have dreams and making sure they understand what they are up against.
I told him if that's what he wanted, go for it, just make sure and have a backup plan.
As in a business mgmt degree to manage all that money he will be making.
He seemed to be understanding somewhat by this point.
He was told he needed to apologize to Janet and mom.
I left a note on the door upstairs today that said:
LIFE LESSONS
1) Don't be a dick.
2) Apologize when you need to.
3) Don't act in a manner that makes an apology necessary in the first place.
Love, dad.
We also talked about some other things.
That granny has managed to overcome a lot more than her contemporaries given what she went through at such a young age and still managed to have what by all accounts is a good life.
That grandpa managed to have a good life as well, lived all over the world, overcome what he went through as well.
Successful military and civilian careers.
That grandpa Chuck over came is dads alcoholism.
That I was still dealing with the fall out of my parents divorce and probably always would be but still, many people envy me and the life I lead.
No honey do list, (for now anyway lol) ride, hammock, ride etc.
My point was, everybody dealt with or overcame their issues as best they could without all the help he is getting and that it was my belief that he would be able to overcome his as well.
Period.
End of story.
I really don't care about a bolo tie or biker boot straps.
Whatever you would like to see me in Dollbaby :-).
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