All

because everyone all around me seems to know what's going on in my life but me.

Me?

For some reason?

I'm not afforded that privilege.

Haven't been able to make plans since before Christmas.

Then I blow up and it's all my fault.

Give me a break.

I've told you and told you and told you.

I do not care about money.

Yours, mine (lol) or anyone else's at this point.

I don't care about a big fancy house or cars or a lifestyle.

I just don't.

It could all be gone in an instant.

I won't be any happier today or tomorrow or three months from now, on my porch, or over at moms, or in the atrium of  the West Baden Springs Resort, than I would have been over two years ago with just a few people anywhere in the world already.

My porch included.

You're what I want.

Not some big fancy ceremony for everyone else to see.

If that's what you want?

That's fine.

Told you a long time ago I don't really care.

Do it how you want.

But for God sakes put a boys mind at ease.

This is supposed to be getting easier and more fun at this point.

Instead it just keeps getting harder and more stressful.

Somebody needs to step up and respect some of my wishes here.

All I want is my mind eased.

For you know, like the 50,000th time.

What is the point in seeing a man suffer like this?

Makes no fucking sense at all.

None.

Livid.

Sorry but it's where I'm at.

I told you earlier today.

ENOUGH!

I'm going riding.

Good luck getting me to answer a phone or being back any time soon.

Love you Bambi.