Nich

quit his job at the lil Pizza place in the park right behind us.

Said he couldn't handle working and his AP classes.

Said he was having panic attacks.

I think there is something else going on but you know, I've only lived with the boy 16 years, 13 of them just me and him, so what in the world do I know?

He said granny and grandpa agreed that I was pushing him to hard.

I disagree, but there is no point in arguing about it, whats done is done.

I didn't suggest that he apply there, that was his idea.

I didn't pressure him to go get an application, I took him when he was ready.

I didn't harass him to fill it out, he did that on his own.

I didn't pressure him to go turn it in, we did that when he suggested we do it.

But I put to much pressure on him.

Okay, sure.

To be honest?

I'm proud of the way he got that job on his own.

I really am.

I told you as much.

Life aint about him.

The world aint gonna give a shit about whatever issues any of us might have.

The sooner he figures that out the better.

He has had a better life than most his age and will have opportunities in his future most kids couldn't dream of.

But you know, I'm the bad guy.

For making him move away from granny and grandpa I suppose.

I so sick of this shit.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, being his dad is a part of my life, not the entirety of it.

I had my life before him and I will have one after he has left the nest.

I will not have a Phil Berryman living in my/our home, mooching off of us, playing video games, "suckin on momas tit" as Tony says, when he is 35 years old.

I just won't have it.

I will throw his shit out in the street and wish him well if it comes to it.

Trust me I will.

Seems like my own son is bitter and jealous of me.

Don't know what to tell ya kid, make your own way in the world somehow when the time comes.

I've been a single parent for 13 years, that's like being a normal parent for 26.

I'm tired.

Exhausted.

Spent.

In every way imaginable.

I can not fight with the imbeciles at work, him, Janet, granny and grandpa.

It's pointless.

No need to bother trying.

They win.

I give.

Cause you know, he is their son.

I will not have some mopey "Oh woe is me" mother fucker around us bring us down.

Just won't.

Our life ain't gonna be like that.

Feeling sorry for yourself is the worst thing you can do.

Just compounds the misery.

He needs to man up.

Big time.

It's in his best interest to do so. 

He needs to get his license asap.

He needs to become a good driver, asap.

When he feels ready?

He can go see granny and grandpa anytime he wants.

I'll be damned if he is going to make this all about him and what he is going through.

Sorry son, the rest of my life trumps two more years of just us being together.

Besides, what seems like it is about to transpire is in all of our best interest.

Sorry you're 16 and don't quite understand that.

It's not your decision.

I was moved away from my family and friends and dad when I was in seventh grade.

Did I mope?

Did I whine and cry and fuss?

Did I have to go to counseling?

I'm telling you I know him like the back of my hand and that aint got nothing to do with it.

It's all about making a stink and having all the attention focused on him.

This is not the time or place for all that.

Not this time.

Not now.

This is our time.

To some extent his too but mostly ours.

He needs to man up and acquiesce to the situation he finds himself in.

That's a good word for him to look up.

Acquiesce.

He needs to learn it.

Live it.

Accept it.

Cause I am doing whats best for all of us in the long run whether he knows it or accepts it or not.

All he bitched about for two solid years was wanting out of Hancock County.

Well here ya go big guy you finally got what you wanted.

Careful what you wish for they say.

I don't and won't ever feel sorry for him.

It just feeds a culture of dependence.

It's counterproductive.

In the past he has thrown lil hissy fits for no other reason than to just upset me, Christmas, birthday any kind of special occasions, etc.

Mom knows what I am saying is true.

If he makes a scene?

If he does anything to make this day about him?

Instead of us?

I'll never forgive him.

Let me repeat that.

I'll never forgive him.

Ever.

I'm not one to harbor grudges.

This is different.

Anyone and everyone who ever reads this should know.

I will resent him for it and I will take it with me to my grave.

I hope everybody understands.

You would think a son would want his dad to be happy beyond his wildest dreams.

I've said my piece. 

Time for daddy to be happy.

Love you.