"Oh I'll keep takin' punches until their will grows tired"
guess they thought I was kidding Lucy.
Friday, January 13, 2017
Thursday, January 12, 2017
"This
is my dream, this is what I will work hard everyday of my life for."
"All day everyday till the end of days dollbaby."
Love you Virgie.
Peace.
Entrepreneur:
A person that works sixteen hours a day seven days a week for himself so that he doesn't have to work eight or twelve hour shifts four or five days a week for somebody else.
This
is it right here.
This is exactly how it is, or was, or whatever.
"You have reached the conclusion that life is just as painful whether you practice self-denial by living up to others' expectations or practice self-expression and feel guilty about it."
"If I have one life to live, I want to live it as me."
I mean I just came to the conclusion that if I was just going to continue to scrimp and scrape and live pay check to pay check?
I at least might as well do so on my own terms.
Why go through all of that and be working for a continual line of power-hungry asshole supervisors that don't know what they are doing, let alone be capable of leading?
If I flamed out spectacularly?
So be it.
At least I would have the satisfaction of knowing I did everything I could to live how I wanted.
Knowing you were there didn't hurt Lucy :-).
Love ya sweetheart.
Mark Brown
"The challenge in life is to live beyond what you think is possible into the realm of what God thinks you are capable of."
God doesn't see us how we are.
He sees what we're capable of.
Exactly
"Why these people who want to do so much good for everyone, who call themselves government and this and that – why them say you must not use the herb?"
1000 years...
two by two...
I'd say somebody knows a lil bit about the bible.
"Hey my love do you believe that we might last a thousand years
Or more if not for this,
Our flesh and blood
It ties you and me right up
Tie me down
Celebrate we will
Because life is short but sweet for certain
We're climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
These things we cannot change"
Or more if not for this,
Our flesh and blood
It ties you and me right up
Tie me down
Celebrate we will
Because life is short but sweet for certain
We're climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
These things we cannot change"
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
And
the coup de gras in this book so far:
Exactly.
"Money is fickle. Keep an indifferent attitude towards it."
I
mean when your path is just unfolded right in front of you?
Slowly?
Piece by piece over time?
How is not what your creator has intended for your destiny?
Why wouldn't he want you to take it?
I'm telling you if you don't recognize it and jump all over it and kick in that door of opportunity and introduce yourself?
The chance will be passed on to someone else.
Why would he reveal it to you if he didn't want you to step up and own it?
Several times in the last few weeks I've had people looking at me like I have lobsters coming out of my ears.
(Christmas story reference lol).
They don't say anything, they don't have to.
I can tell what they are thinking,
"How do you do this?
How can you live like this?
How can you be you so sure?"
There's only one answer.
Faith.
Hebrews 11:1
(Thick face black heart excerpt).
Like I said before, I don't ever ask for anything in my prayers except to lift up others, health, peace of mind, that's it.
Doesn't have anything to do with how things are working right?
Sure.
Okay.
"Thick Face Black Heart" cont.
It's the whole, "The more difficult your path the higher your calling thing.
I
am such a firm believer in this.
I really am.
Cause I've seen it work to many times, in my life and in others lives as well.
I can give examples here in the last few weeks.
I was about out of cash.
I mean down to next to nothing.
I got an unexpected gift of $100 from some close friends.
First $40?
Right to Nichs college fund.
Next $20?
Right to the gas tank of the truck.
Next $20?
Ramen, eggs, bread, a few toiletries etc.
I had made it on less than $20 for two weeks.
Back in the same boat.
Almost entirely out of cash.
Food supply getting way low.
Within days?
A $20 gift card, a Christmas gift from my aunt makes it's way into my hands.
That right there told me:
"Do you not see that I am with you?
That I am carrying you when you need it?
That as long as you have faith that I will provide for you?
That I am using you so that others might see that I am real and can work in their lives as well if they would just believe?"
I mean I have done this stuff about going out on a limb and trusting that inner voice (Big Man) that I hear which tells me in which direction I should go several times now and each and every time things have always worked out better.
So it just gets to the point where you surrender yourself and accept how things are working.
There becomes absolutely no need to question it.
"That's just all coincidence" detractors might say.
Really?
For decades now?
(I could give examples from years ago as well but it's all way to long to fit here in this post.
Time and time again?
To many coincidences aren't a coincidence is what I say Lucy.
Others have tried to suggest that I am hearing a false voice.
That the evil one is playing tricks on me.
Really?
This is how the evil one works?
Helping you help others?
Providing for you when you need it the most?
The evil one doesn't come through in the clutch.
He wants that fear and anxiety to engulf you.
For you to not be able to escape the walls feeling like they are collapsing down all around you, that's what he wants.
It's not my fault people don't understand or won't accept or recognize whats going on right in front of them, regardless of who they may be or their position.
The lord works in mysterious ways indeed Lucy.
Love ya girl.
It's just
crazy how things work.
I could sit here all day and post the other 40+ quotes I took screenshots of from this e-book and I'm only half way through it.
Whats crazy is Tony, my buddy in the NOC back in the day gave me this e-book..
He gave me a lot of things and I had them all saved on my desktop and would fiddle around looking through and reading them from time to time.
When my computer crashed?
This was the only thing from Tony I had left.
Made it's way to my desktop on Nicholas old machine somehow.
Been cleaning things up, deleting things off the desktop I'm no longer working on or interested in getting rid of dupliucate files and such and then yesterday?
I opened this up.
Couldn't put it down.
Of all the things Tony gave me, this just happened to be the thing I had left.
I just happened to open it up yesterday.
Crazy.
Or maybe not.
Depends on how you look at it I guess.
Love you Lucy.
"Thick Face Black Heart" cont.
Understanding the difficulties,
enduring the hardships,
predicting the risk,
tolerating the abuse:
for such a person,
all ensure fame and success.
- Chinese Maxium
"Thick Face Black Heart" cont.
"You must follow through with your plans and accept and endure whatever consequences occur."
This
book, "Thick Face Black Heart" is fucking awesome.
"Inner strength and the unshakable conviction that you are right."
Sound fimilar?
It oughta.
Monday, January 9, 2017
How
everything in the world can go wrong with changing a flat tire :-).
Got up to go to church yesterday and the front right tire was flat.
It has had a slow leek in it for a while and was flat on Saturday AM before I hooked up my small air compressor to it and filled it up enough to get around town and do what I needed to do.
So I knew the possibility existed that it could be flat Sunday AM.
Sure enough flat as could be.
Cold as a witches tit, didn't really wanna mess with it, it had been years since I had to change a flat on the truck.
Forget it, deal with it tomorrow when it's warmer, text mom and Al and tell them you'll need a ride to make it for Sunday Diner.
Done.
Go back and lay down.
After a while?
To hell with it, you've got nothing else to do, it's been a while, just take your time and don't get in a hurry.
Thats when things go wrong and people get hurt.
Always like a challenge :-).
First things first.
Get the lug nuts broken off while the tire is still on the ground.
Check.
Except they were frozen on and took every bit of my body weight to break them free.
I mean for a few minutes I wasn't sure I was going to be able to break them free.
Okay, moving on.
Lets get the spare down.
Tales a long thin rod that hooks into a notch that lowers the chain that holds the spare.
Do you think you could just put the rod in the slot and it would automatically slide into the notch?
Why hell no, you gotta climb underneath the truck while looking over the spare and insert the rod making sure it slips into the notch.
Nice, great design guys.
Finally, set up.
Lets lower this puppy and get it on the truck.
Not so fast kimosabe.
You think the rod would just turn the notch and lower the chain?
Why hell no, again, it took everything I had to break it free from whatever ice, corrosion etc was holding it in place, no vice grips, used channel locks, nice.
Note to self, get yourself two damn pair of vice grips!
Anyway, finally get it lowered.
Cool, I remember this part, this lil piece slides through the wheel and the tire comes off and...
Yeah.
Sure.
That lil piece?
It was corroded onto the wheel itself.
Well?
Shit.
Okay go get some WD40 and a hammer and lets see about getting that piece uncorroded so we can get the spare tire off
Check.
Worked like a charm.
Came right off.
Okay, lets go get the jack and jack this puppy up and change tires, at least the spare looks in good condition.
Got the jack I like from the garage (Janet gave it to me years ago, rarely ever used it).
Place jack in the right position and jack it all the way up and?
It's still not high enough to get the flat off the ground.
SHIT!
Now what?
I could wait for Christian to get home and use the tractor to lift the front end up I suppose.
I don't know when he'll be home and that sounds like a long process.
Lets see here.
For one of the first times ever, the phrase, "What would Ricky do?" entered my mind lol.
Hey, you got bricks and pieces of 4x4, get some of that and build a lil platform to place the jack on and that should get it high enough to get the flat tire off.
Done.
Tire is off the ground and spinning.
Should be able to take it right off and put the spare right on right?
Well hell no the tire is froze and or corroded onto the axle.
Well?
Shit.
I can change a tire.
I assure you I am more than capable.
But the wiggling the old one off and placing the new one on when the vehicle is elevated?
Not really so keen on that part.
Anyway, I can't get the damn thing off.
Shit.
I'm standing there looking at it and here comes Christian.
"Having fun yet?"
"Oh yeah tons, just a blast."
"What's wrong?"
"Well I got the truck up high enough but I can't get the tire off."
He gets out of his truck, inspects the situation and promptly gives the tire a few good kicks.
Rocked the truck some but didn't come close to knocking the jack down.
"I hate this part" I said.
"It won't fall far if it falls." he replies.
Anyway, the tire was off, we both worked to get the spare on and tighten the lug nuts.
Al shows up to give me a ride for dinner.
"Looks like you've about got it."
"I think we'll be alright, I'll be over in a minute."
The spare?
Yeah it needed some air as well so we drove to Christians big air compressor and aired it up and we both went about our day.
Nice to have good neighbors.
And that Lucy?
Is how everything in the world can go wrong with changing a flat tire :-).
Love you.
You know?
I could have dealt with the waiting all along.
It was the unexpected Joe Frazier left hooks to the body and the endless kicks in the nuts I could have done without :-).
So yeah, pardon me if I don't like Joe Frazier left hooks and kicks in the nuts.
Which reminds me of:
So?
Nich had to turn 18 first for some reason?
A lil bird came and told me in my sleep.
It was more like a dream than a bird to be honest.
Makes sense I guess.
Much as anything I suppose.
Working my way through, "Thick Face, Black Heart: The Warrior Philosophy for Conquering the Challenges of Business and life."
Pretty good read.
RNM
"You see me here?
The first thing you must know about me is that I always stand for what I stand for."
Saturday, January 7, 2017
Bahahahahahahahahaha
Please remember okay Lucy?
Been kinda a greatest hits package here lately as I've been going through some things :-).
Couldn't make it to the library yesterday as the front right tire was completely flat.
Still needs more air but I put enough in it to do my running around this AM.
Put the pup in the basement last night.
He did real well, had his lead shortened up where he couldn't get into anything and a blanket for him to sleep on.
I got the impression he appreciated it :-).
Time to get home and make some breakfast and listen to that Lucinda Williams song.
Forgot to bring my ear buds with me.
Love you Lucy.
More than you'll ever know.
I love
the fact they have this on the wall at Nich's old elementary school.
Kids need to know it.
It's not your last name, or how rich or poor you are, or things you've had to battle thorough in life or anything else.
It's the decisions we make that will come to define us.
Joseph Campbell
"If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn't have opened for anyone else."
:-)
You don't have to prove
Your manhood to me constantly
I know you're the man can't you see
I love you Righteously
I know you're the man can't you see
I love you Righteously
Why you want to dis me
After the way you been kissin' me
After those pretty things you say
And the love we made today
After the way you been kissin' me
After those pretty things you say
And the love we made today
When you run your hand
All up and run it back down my leg
Get excited and bite my neck
Get me all worked up like that
All up and run it back down my leg
Get excited and bite my neck
Get me all worked up like that
Think this through
I laid it down for you everytime
Respect me I give you what's mine
You're entirely way too fine
I laid it down for you everytime
Respect me I give you what's mine
You're entirely way too fine
Arms around my waist
You get a taste of how good this can be
Be the man you ought to tenderly
Stand up for me
You get a taste of how good this can be
Be the man you ought to tenderly
Stand up for me
Flirt with me don't keep hurtin' me
Don't cause me pain
Be my lover don't play no game
Just play me John Coltraine
Don't cause me pain
Be my lover don't play no game
Just play me John Coltraine
Thursday, January 5, 2017
"It
will be the greatest love story ever, or I'll go down in flames."
That is exactly what I told mom last year during the holidays.
I'm still betting on the former :-).
Everybodys
got there own brand of crazy these days so here is mine.
Only, just like everyone else?
My brand of crazy isn't crazy to me at all, it makes perfect sense.
You can't fight the supernatural with the physical.
What ever is going to transpire when the end times get here is going to transpire.
Just like Bro Joe says, for true believers?
There's no need to worry.
No amount of stocked up k-rations, ammo, water etc is ever going to make any difference.
It won't be an event, it will be a process and a long arduous one at that.
So there.
Theres my lil brand of crazy that makes perfect sense to me.
Like dad used to say, "Difference of oppion is what makes the world go round."
Relax
Always remember, we didn't put this together.
Mark 10:9.
I believe that was the problem with the others that came before us.
God didn't put us with them, we forced it ourselves.
Walk
around giving praise and glory and thanks to God every spare minute of everyday and lifting up others and ask nothing for yourself for years on end and everybody is shocked at the outcome.
Makes sense right?
Your
anxiety?
You act like your down to your last $10 and two packages of ramen or something.
Bahahahahahahahaha
830+
songs on your playlist I've created.
I figure you can cut 20-30 of the ones you like out at a time and make lil subplaylist as we work our way through it.:-).
Any
reason everybody wants to give hell to the guy that's about to loose everything? :-).
Couldn't be because he's not is it?
That couldn't possibly be it :-).
I
knew the third time I walked you to your car and you walked around the rear of your car and came over and put your head on my shoulder that I wanted you in my life forever.
I'll never forget it.
Tidbits
The surest way to be miserable in this life is to want what others have. Someone else is always going to have something nicer, bigger, newer, fancier etc. Besides, by the time you get what they have? They will probably already have something else you want so you'll never be satisfied. If you're not happy with what you have? What on earth makes you think you'll ever be happier with more?
Everybody wants what somebody else has but nobody ever wants to go through what they did to get it. Human nature I suppose.
Never take life advice from people you don't wanna be like.
Semms like theres lots of others but they escape me right now so maybe this will become a recurring post.
Love you Lucy.
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
I
had a good dream last night.
I dreamed you and mom and Al and I took Nich and Janet out for their birthdays to Ruth's Criss steakhouse in Kaden Tower in Louisville.
We had a wonderful diner and watched the sunset on the city and a good time was had by all.
Instead of rushing back home we made reservations at the Sealbach and we spent the night.
The next morning Janet joined all of us again for brunch before we all went on our way.
Sweetheart?
I don't know what the plans are but if we could make this one happen sometime?
That would be great.
(Said in best Lumberg voice)
The penthouse is where the restaurant is.
Frank Loyd Wright designed the building.
The Elevator is on the outside lol.
Dad delivered the mail here at one time.
Janet took me here for Easter once so I know she likes it.
I believe everyone else would as well
I believe everyone else would as well
I mean if we can't we can't.
It was a nice dream.
Why dream a small one right?
Love you Lucy.
"It's hard to argue with Bob Marley"
I went to the library yesterday and I ran into a guy I worked with when I was a Census Taker right before I started New Age. I had seen him a few times around town in the last few years but we always just said hello and went about our business. The guy is probably in his 70's or so and like me he kinda comes off as an odd duck so to speak. Anyway, yesterday we had a chance to speak for a few moments.
"I sure don't have as many bumper stickers on my car as you do your truck."
I just smiled, "Few people do."
"I'm already against the next war, that will make you think."
"Well it's true, for me anyway."
Then he says, I kid you not, "It's hard to argue with Bob Marley."
I lit up, "You just made my day!"
I got up and shook his hand and we continued to talk for a few minutes.
Yes indeed.
It's hard to argue with Bob Marley.
First time for everything I suppose :-).
Love you Lucy.
(Bronchitis BTW)
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
I'll
make you a deal Bambi.
I'll check the mail with you when you're here.
I mean, I haven't checked it in a month, why not just wait another week or two?
Bahahahahahahahaha
The
election is over.
I get it.
But here's why people should be concerned about Russia's cyber abilities.
They've weaponized information and they are light years ahead of us in terms of exploiting and manipulating it to their advantage.
Warfare is not just fought just on a battlefield anymore, it's
diplomatic, it's economic, it's cyber and it's espionage, including the corporate variety.
France and Germany have elections later this year, expect more of the same.
Again
isn't that the truth?
People see a meme or read something on infowars and they act like they read a 20 page article in Foreign Policy.
Isn't
this the truth?
It used to be the other way around.
We're living in the age of anti-truth, anti-facts, anti-science and anti-intellectualism.
Millions of people today treat the way they feel about an issue as factual and then double down (Backfire effect) on their beliefs when presented with evidence to the contrary.
It's the craziest shit I've ever seen.
Tell
me about it.
I told everyone years ago, when Nich is out of school?
I can go where I want and do what I want.
I never had any intention of staying here forever if I didn't have to.
If I had to?
I would have and I would have made the best of it.
I also told people the week after you left,
"If she calls? I'm gone."
Now here we are and everybody is shocked.
This is why I like being a stnd-up guy.
Tell people what you're going to do, then go do it.
Simple.
Easy.
It should lessen the confusion or worry.
You've been told what was going to happen.
I could see the confusion or worry if people weren't told what was going to happen.
The fact of the matter is they were told, years ago in some instances.
It was only when it became a reality instead of something far away in the future that trouble started creeping in.
Besides
I pray for my haters and detractors everyday.
Think they do the same for me?
Doesn't have a thing to do with how things ended up right?
Okay.
Sure.
There
are people out there who are going to feel compelled to go back and dig out the skeletons from my closet.
To dig up my past as a way to discredit whats going on here between us.
Here's my message to them.
Go right ahead.
I encourage you to do so.
See?
I learned a long time ago you can't control what other decide to do.
Hell, I have enough trouble trying to control what I decide to do.
So how in the world can I keep somebody from doing what they choose to do?
I can't.
It would be foolish on my part to even try.
I do have some questions for these people though.
What is it ever going change?
I'm not who I was four years ago, let alone 20 or 20+ years ago.
So what good would you be doing?
How in the world do you expect anyone to not see you as being:
petty?
mean-spirited?
small?
vindictive?
jealous?
or hateful?
So if that's how people want to be?
Then they should go right ahead and be that way.
There's nothing I can do about it anyway.
"these are the words of my master, no evil shall prosper"
RNM
Isaiah 54:17
Love you Lucy.
Three Things
you really need to understand:
The only reason I've dealt with so much shit for so long from so many people is I see the opportunity to not have to put up with anybody's shit ever again that I don't want to. Period. It's the only reason I've put up with what I have. Four and a half years of shit from people to never have to take any ever again that I don't want to? Deal of the century if you ask me. I'll gladly take shit from you that I deserve, or from anybody else for that matter, but the days of me taking endless shit from people for no good reason are rapidly dwindling, I can tell they know it as well. So here is what you really need to get through that thick skull of yours sweetheart, when were together? And you start giving me shit just because you feel like it? I'm going to look you straight in the eyes and say something to the effect of, "Remember those years I dealt with endless shit from everybody for no good reason? I didn't do it to get here and take more from you just because you feel like dishing it out, so hush."
Anytime, you ever ask me to do or for anything? You should know the answer. The answer will always be, "Soon, real, real soon, like in a year and a half maybe if I still feel like it then."
Don't ever, I mean ever, expect me to be in a hurry about or to do anything. Again, I will politely remind you, "You know? Maybe if we didn't fiddle fart around for four years we wouldn't have to be in such a hurry now."
Your bed, you made it, not to late to get out if you want sweetheart, but I promise you this is how it's going to be.
Crazy Man Logic
Weren't those just the funniest text in the world yesterday?
Didn't they just crack you up?
Wasn't that just the greatest practical joke ever played on someone?
Sweetheart?
I hope you know, I didn't mean a word.
I had more I was going to pile on in the middle of the night just to disturb your sleep.
Big man told me not to, told me you were rattled enough, that I had made my point.
I keep telling you not to poke the bear.
You don't listen lol.
Then when the bear decides he's has enough and lashes out in the only manner afforded him?
You get upset about it.
I know this is crazy man logic and all, but maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't poke the bear to begin with.
Love you Virgie.
Be awesome today.
I know you will.
Sunday, January 1, 2017
I'm
telling you, this isn't going to be some I show up and everything's all laughs and giggles and "tee-hee-hee, oh we got him good" kind of thing.
Thats not how this is going to play out I promise you.
People should have lowered my stress levels instead of piling on to them.
When all is said and done?
Some relationships are going to have to fall by the wayside.
So go get your last kitchen sinks and take your last best shot everybody.
Cause time is running short and pretty soon?
You won't be able to take any more cheap shots.
And when you're wondering why you don't hear from me or where we are and what we're doing?
You just got your explanation.
Peace.
It's all I want for everybody, including myself.
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