Chads

card he gave me even said "Someday when you're gone."

I thought "Hell, he knows too."

James said: "Kenny knows he will be loosing people soon and there is nothing he can do about it."

I thought: "Well hell, even Kenny knows (as much as I didn't want him too lol).

Mom and Al never mentioning where they were going till late in the game.

They are never gone during Christmas when I don't have to work.

Never.

So why this year?

See  where I am coming from now Lucy?

It wears on you.

Actually?

It's worn me out lol.

Very low profile on social media this year.

Just didn't wanna see peoples celebrations knowing ahead of time our Christmas (all of them) were going to be a struggle .

The look on moms face when I actually told her:

"I wish we weren't even having Christmas this year."

She didn't say a word.

She just had a look on her face like "Buddy, if you only knew."

The looks on Janet and Nicholas face when I told them over lunch I was looking forward to being home Christmas Eve night and Christmas Day cause I just wanted rest and peace?

Again, silence, both of them just starring at me like: "Don't you know yet?"

No.

I don't.

I'm the kind of guy that reads the fine print.

I keep owners manuals.

Nothing is a done deal till it signed, sealed and delivered.

(Or monogrammed and manicured lol sorry, just seemed an appropriate place to work it in.)

The lady that gives Nich rides home from school said she thought I had lost my mind.

I told her don't worry, that happened a long time ago lol.

She laughed.

Christmas Eve at the Corydon Indiana Burger King at 7:30 on a dark rainy night.

I'll never forget it as long as I live lol.

Nich either lol.

"A Christmas to remember" is what I kept saying.

Cause...well...it was lol.

Driving to Owensboro and then to Evansville to try and catch a movie Christmas Day.

All sold out both places.

Drove back home.

Didn't really mind that so much, me and Nich were talking and at least we were together and not fighting.

Christians last night.

What a disaster.

Tension so thick you could cut it with a knife when you walked in the door.

Between him and his sitter\woman\girl\whatever.

I didn't like this one from the word go.

Attitude.

Thick with attitude.

Thinks shes tough or something, fuck idk, 

I don't really wanna know.

Dropped out of school moved to Fla, moved back etc.

I can't keep up.

I don't even try anymore.

We take food back.

Plenty of turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls etc.

There he sits.

Just worked 21 days in a row.

Now he has seven days off.

I've worked that shift.

It's not worth it.

By the time your seven days come around you are so tired you don't want to do anything the first couple.

Then you get forced in one or two shifts here or there.

It just never works out like you think it will.

Anyway, 21 days in a row.

Hasn't even showered yet.

Guess who made the boys their plates?

Not her.

I thought "What in the fuck are you even doing here if you can feed these kids for this man?"

What a piece of shit.

He makes them dinner.

She did make some mac and chz.

Whoptie-shit.

Soon as he gets their plates made?

She fires up music on the 250 watt blue tooth speaker in the bed room.

It's the next room over.

Has to be loud to be heard.

I thought:

"THE BOYS ARE FUCKING EATING!"

I didn't say anything.

I saw him.

He just cringed.

I don't know if she had been drinking already or what but it wasn't a pleasant environment at all.

Still trying to make the best of it.

She takes a phone call.

Starts talking all the worst white trash drama you ever heard in your whole life.

"Right in front of everybody" I heard him mumble.

Eventually he calls her out on it.

"I don't fucking care." she says.

She takes the phone and walks off.

A few minutes later he is like: "Where is she at? What is she doing?"

I'm like: "Yeah, this honeymoon already over. What did this last, three months?"

She's 19.

She doesn't want to be raising his two kids by someone else.

It's obvious.

I understand sitters are hard to come by where we live.

But this person is straight up trash.

I was trying to sympathize with him, about how hard it is being a single dad, working and just never getting a moment to yourself.

Started in on my lil spiel about: "From the time I leave home at 2:30 in the afternoon, till the time I get home and wake up in the afternoon my first day off, all I want is to pay bills, run errands, cook dinner, do dishes and finally get some time to myself to get my lights just how I want them, my music on and just relax, and it never fails, as soon as I do, here comes Skrillex on the bluetooth speakers. That moment is gone. The one moment I had looked so forward to, for so long, just got ruined. there is no going back and getting it, it's just gone."

(Remember, I play the whole song over if you talk over the part I like, I've told you several times now, you've been warned lol)

Apparently Nich has heard this spiel a few times to many.

I understand that now.

I didn't last night but I do now.

I wasn't trying for it to be about Nich and how I get interrupted but just trying to sympathize with Christian.

Anyway, we both kept talking about working and being a single dad etc for a while and then the conversation turns to how was your Louisville trip.

Nich states he got a car out of the deal.

Which he will from Janet.

(They got along fine this time btw thank goodness.)

Looking back, I think it really rubbed Christian the wrong way.

I think Nicholas is right and that he is jealous of how Nich has been provided for by our family and he never was by his.

So?

Deal with it.

Throw in some more kids crying and running around and Christian coming back in the room and going off about coming home from work and having to deal "With all of this!" and a few seconds later Nich was out the door.

At the time I didn't appreciate it but looking back it was absolutely the right thing to do.

I grabbed my stuff and left to go pick him up and go to his friends house as we were going there next anyway and it was almost time to leave.

I must have looked at the clock one hundred times just begging for it to be nine o clock the hour and a half we were there.

"Whats his problem?"

"He is a moody teenager."

"Well the world don't stop for him."

"You wait till your two get to be his age, you'll see."

And I was out the door.

Caught up to Nich.

"Come on, get in, lets go to Jaimies."

Thankfully, with no arguing, he gets in.

"I'm sorry but I am just not going to take that."

"It's okay, it was a lil over an hour of our night, lets not let it ruin it okay?

I was proud of myself :-).

I thought I handled it well and defused things as much as I could.

Better than I had been doing the last lil bit anyway so that felt good.

Nicholas hit the nail on the head, "Don't bitch at me about your shitty life and all the bad decisions you made, what do I have to do with it? Nobody forced you to have those kids. I'm not going to put up with it."

And he is absolutely right about the situation.

I  think he sees the bad decisions others have made around him and the adverse affects it has had on their lives (myself included) and I think in the long run it will be beneficial to him as he knows what mistakes to avoid.

I hope so anyway.

Now if I could just get him to listen to me lol.

"They front end loaded things and fucked their brains out for a while and now whats left?"

"Nothing."

"Exactly, that shit never works."

I think I went on to point out that people don't just do it with their relationships, they do it with their lives as well and all that running around and partying when your younger will catch up with you eventually.

I mean lord know when I was in school I had a good time but there comes a point when you have to start working and such and if you can have your shit already together you can have much more fun when you are older and make decent money and find someone you want to be with.

(Kinda like us Lucy :-)

We went to Jaimies.  

He visited with her daughter. 

Everybody just laughing, playing with the dogs, laughing, cutting up etc.

We stayed for two hours and then went home.

Everyone had a good time.

It was really nice.

Her husband is a Cowboys fan :-).

Had a bourbon with me.

Nich crashed soon after we got home.

I was folding laundry at midnight and trying to plan out how it the world I was going to get up, get to the bank, go to the grocery, make turkey and dumplings and sleep before coming back up here to work.
(Kinda like the shit me and Christian bitch to each other about lol, he is asleep and here I am folding laundry thinking; "Son, if you only knew lol."

I woke up at 7:30 and got it all done except for going to the bank.

Fuck that till Monday lol.

I shouldn't have got Christian started or egged him on.

When its just me and him it's one thing.

It's like a support group for ourselves.

When there are others around?

It's more of a glorified bitch session.

I get that now.

Didn't last night

Check.

Duly noted.

The main thing is we were able to pull our shit together, not bitch at one another and go on and have a really good time.

That's progress for us.

I'll take it.

Now though?

The dust has to settle. 

But it's no different from being willing to kick Janet the curb when she was pulling her crap.

Or Nicholas either for that matter.

But now?

When the dust settles?

I am going to have to look my friend of 13 years square in the eyes and tell him:

"Until the non-stop carousel of whores stop coming through here? I'm not going to be a part of it. I'll be your neighbor, if you need help with anything just ask. Whoever is back here? If they ever need me to go get or do anything for the boys? I'm more than willing. I'm more than willing to watch them for you in a pinch for a few hours here and there like I always have been. But coming back here and hanging out with you and whoever the flavor of the month happens to be? Those days are over. If these are the types of people you want in your life? That's your business but I'm not going to be associated with it."

Like I would want someone like that near me or you.

Anytime.

Let alone my wedding day.

Aint happening.

We bout to part ways here before too much longer anyway.

Honestly?

I think that was a part of the reason for the drama as well.

We're moving forward and moving on.

Somebody else isn't so happy with their life and how things played out for them.

Now they are looking at 16+ more years of the same.

It was an unholy combination of things.

Work.

Her.

Me.

Smart ass Nich (not so much really).
Although he can come across that way with his mannerisms, facial expressions etc without ever really trying.

Just seeing someone who had it better than you and is so much younger and so intelligent and has so much ahead of him while you're looking at what your life has become?

Gotta be hard.

I get it.

I figure I might as well tell him now.

Seems just as good time as any.

This is why my head just spins honey.

All of this going on and wondering when you will be my wife sweetheart.

Real men do what they gotta.

I figure I'll let him contact me. 

He will as soon as she is gone.

If he don't kick her out?

She'll find someplace else to go shack up.

That's usually how it all plays out.

He lays low with me till he kicks them out or they leave then he gets back in touch.

Seems fair enough.

13 year friendship.

It aint easy.

It needs to be done, but at the right time as well.

All I wanted to do was take the guy a turkey diner on Christmas after he had worked all day lol.

Love you Lucy.

Please make me the happiest man in the world here before too long sweetheart.