Tired...

Tired.

Just worn out.

Could have slept a whole nother day lol.

Oh well.

I will have had six out of seven days off when I return Friday PM.

Needed it.

 

Struggled putting my boots on this afternoon.

Nicholas saw me.

"Are you going to be okay?" He asked.

"Like I gotta choice?" I said.

Glad he saw it actually.

He gives up to easy.

Always has.

He better start fixing it or he is in for a rude awakening someday real soon.

 

Still not quite over Sundays fiasco.

Just don't wanna drag him along to help with things he should gladly be helping with.

If the guy that buys your clothes and your food and pays for your warm place to sleep at night says this is what we are doing and when we are doing it, then you do it.

There is no debate, there are no questions.

Me and him?

 It's not a democracy.

It's a dictatorship lol.

One that luckily for him allows him plenty of freedom.

Now if there is another party involved?

Then WE (being the adults in charge of the situation) make the decisions.

Then he still has to follow them.

Period.

 

It just comes down to I have been doing both parents jobs for far to long.

Plus working full time.

My health is dependant upon him being cooperative and understanding that when we have a chance to do something we need to get it done.

Because I don't know when the next opportunity comes if I am going to feel well enough to do it or not.

I hope you understand this as well.

Here the last few years this hasn't been that much of an issue.

But that doesn't mean it doesn't weigh heavy in the back of my mind.

 

I have no doubt the muscle spasms were stress induced.

None.

I just don't need it.

 

Couple at church bought their daughter a jeep.

I said "I though (can't remembver her name right now) was your age?"

"She is." he says.

"Parents just bought her a jeep."

"Well that will do her a lot of good in the long run."

I was glad to hear him say it.

 

The bike is our second vehicle.

When I ride it he can have the truck.

This is the decision I made two years ago.

 

In the winter time?

He is just out of luck, tough, it's just the way it's going to be.

Where the hell does he need to go to during the winter of his high school years that he can't get a ride to anyway?

School is just right down the road for all those activities.

Tons of people go right by our house coming and going.

 

I can't wait till the first time somebody not fully aware of the situation says: "You mean you bought a bike but you won't buy him a vehicle?" YES I DID.

I did it for a ton of reasons none of which I feel like I need to explain to anyone to be honest.

It's gonna kill him to have to work for the first vehicle of his own?

He won't take better care of it having had to work for it?

History and my experience say otherwise.

 

He doesn't seemed worried about to much.

Like he knows things are in the cards for him.

Mom is pretty relaxed about things.

So is Janet.

Al as well for that matter.

 

So who is the only one staying in a state of frustration here?

Yeah, the guy that had the plan laid out before him.

Whatever we do, lets keep him in the dark, you know, cause he don't matter...

 

Whatever...

 

Tired.

Work = New CIO = issues.

Janet = Issues with Hubert.

Nich = 15 years old = Issues.

 

I do not need to be guessing whats going on or where things are headed or when they are going to happen with us.

If I knew that?

The three issues above would be reduced to insignificant, nothingness almost.

 

You're all I want.

You're all I ever ask for when I pray.

Yes, it's still true.

 

I can get another job.

I can live in another town, in another part of the country.

Live in another home.

 

But I will never find another you.

Ever.

(I knew it, the third time walking you to your car).

 

Love you.

Peace.