"More Yet!"

 

"Relentless"

some have said.

I can see that.

Yup.

Few points to ponder:

Babe?

If you want romance?

Then be yourself.

Cause I aint givin any 

(more anyway ;-)

to a character you play 

for a YouTube channel.

See how complicated that was?

Your

"playing a character'

is my:

"Being gaslighted by friends, 

family and coworkers"

(and you) 

for over a decade now.

To me?

It's lying straight to my face

and telling me 

that you think Im that stupid.

Thats why I asked you to pull the plug on it many times over.

Your refusal to respect my wishes

is what led us to yesterdays crescendo.

Not feeling heard, 

or having wishes respected?

Aint gonna get you romance.

The crazy sex?

That is a given.

We both know that.

Might as well have already been happening 

even though it hasn't been.

(I haven't even kissed her yet and wont

till its when/where and how I said it would be.

Integrity =

doing what you said you would.

THATS HOW 100% CERTIAN

all of that is.

That is not what I am worried/aggravated about.

I knew you 

the second our eyes made contact.

(Young Bucks?

Go for the shy quiet ones, 

they have held a lot back in reserve.)

What concerns me is:

The not taking care of some things for me 

that you said you would before we moved.

Like I just wasn't paying attention 

and it could just slide on by without my noticing.

I NOTICE EVERYTHING.

Without even trying really.

Think about that for a second and you'll figure it out.

"The devil"

In my eyes you see?

is largely 

the disdain I have 

for all the falsehoods coming out of your mouth.

Mainly about:

Relatives,

Past employment

and

Previous residences.

It makes my skin crawl

that after 14 years

and all of the shit 

that I have been through 

just to get to this point

(By Gods grace alone 

or I would have been dead

a long time ago)

that I sit there 

and listen to you

so obviously 

playing to the cameras

"in character".

In case you still aint 

figured it out yet?

Past a certain point?

Which we have so obviously past?

(Im not the only one "relentless" in this equation people, 

somebody else can be pretty brutal as well.)

Well?

It doesn't exactly

make a man feel like 

going and picking

wildflowers for you.

Reference above if needed.

If you were yourself?

instead of so obviously playing a character?

Then things would be 

better/easier for us at this point.

And after 14 years almost?

Who can really blame me for 

wanting:

You being yourself

and things being better/easier for us

at this point.

????????

To think that things would just go on like they had been? Till were finally together on our day?

Like my buddy says:

"Not Happening!".

Obviously.

I got a question for everybody too:

If the story didn't happen just like I said it did?

With her standing there the next day after I just said "Okay" and left it at that?

Then why would I still have a picture of the elevator stop on the third floor of the parking garage? 

After close to 14 years?

(and pictures of the courtyard and the stairs, but those are different stories as well.)

See, one of our realities is correct, unwavering, unchanging, unfaltering after 14 years, and one of our realities

(The made up YouTube channel one)

is drawing to a close.

I love you.

You being yourself

and things being better/easier for us

at this point.

Beyond tired 

of the endless,

decade and a half almost

mind fuck 

from everyone all around me.

Who could blame me?