There are...

There are just times when I think I am being used to make you feel better about yourself and I wish you would just cut me loose and let me go so I can live my life...then 10 minutes later I'm like no way she goes through all this trouble with the fake profiles, letting me go to her moms residence, 1+ing everything and it's all just for nothing...that just don't add up...

 

I really don't understand the fixation with the Webcam business, if it's what you think I really want, it's not, I appreciate what your trying to do and all, but what I really want is, I want you, the real live and in the flesh you, with all of your imperfections perfectly in tact. I want to hear you, I want to see you, to smell you, I want to feel the warmth of your body laying next to me as we sleep in our bed, in our home, living our lives, I want to kiss you, hold you, hold your hand,go for walks, make mad passionate love all over our home and yard (yes trampoline, picnic table, hammock and porch included), do you want to sit in the swing and watch sunsets with me? Do you want to go with me to band competitions? Do you want to go with me to football games? Band booster meeting? Do you want to hold on to me tight as we take curves at 70 MPH on the bike? Do you want to go riding with me to the coolest lil out of the way places in the world? Do you want to cook with me? Put up the Christmas tree and decorations? Fall asleep in our recliner, yes, slober on my shoulder is fine, so long as its yours. I wanna wake you up and tell you your breakfast is ready, I wanna watch the sunrise from our deck. Do you wanna go see DMB and a whole host of other bands with me? Do you wanna plant that garden? Plant those fruit trees? Do you want to be with me to watch Nicholas graduate from high school? Do you wanna go with me when we drop him off at college? ...Is this really really what you want as well?

 

Some times I think it really is and that you just can't believe you found somebody this crazy about you, other times I think I'm just being played like so many other times in the past, by mean vicious evil people who were dead set on taking advantage of my goodheartedness...I pray and the answer is always the same "This is the one I have brought to you, don't worry", but I'm human Lucy and I do worry...mostly I worry that you won't find the courage to do what you know in your heart you want to do...It's why I keep asking for the ink on the fingers, put both of our minds at ease, no turning back at that point.

 

When are you going to ease up on a boys heart Lucy? A year? Two? Three? At what point does a man say "I've done all I can." this is obviously not what she wants? So many people have told me to walk away, to give up, it's not worth it...but that's them and I am not them I am me...so I continue on, because..."This is my dream, this is what I will work hard everyday of my life for, because I want you, all of you, all day everyday, till the end of days Lucy...

 

I would like to think I've shown you so.

 

Peace...