Are

 

you ready for it?

It's gonna be like an epidemic.

"Ooh-ooh-ooh

Ooh-ooh-ooh

Well they closed down the auto plant in Mahwah late that month

Ralph went out lookin' for a job but he couldn't find none

He came home too drunk from mixin' Tanqueray and wine

He got a gun, shot a night clerk, now they call him Johnny 99

Down in the part of town where when you hit a red light you don't stop

Johnny's wavin' his gun around and threatenin' to blow his top

When an off-duty cop snuck up on him from behind

Out in front of the Club Tip Top they slapped the cuffs on Johnny 99

Well the city supplied a public defender but the judge was Mean John Brown

He came into the courtroom and stared poor Johnny down

Well the evidence is clear, gonna let the sentence, son, fit the crime

Prison for ninety-eight and a year and we'll call it even Johnny 99

Fistfight broke out in the courtroom, they had to drag Johnny's girl away

His mama stood up and shouted, "Judge don't take my boy this way"

Well, son, you got any statement you'd like to make

Before the bailiff comes to forever take you away?

Now judge, judge I got debts no honest man could pay

The bank was holdin' my mortgage and takin' my house away

Now I ain't sayin' that make me an innocent man

But it was more 'n all this that put that gun in my hand

Well, your honor, I do believe I'd be better off dead

And if you can take a man's life for the thoughts that's in his head

Then won't you sit back in that chair and think it over just one more time

And let 'em shave off my hair and put me on that execution line (woo)

Not exactly top 40 material to say the least.